Not to mention self-satisfaction, self-congratulation and self-regard.
No! I haven't been to give blood*.
No! I haven't rescued a cat from a tree.
No! I haven't swept the gutters free from leaves and mud.
I've been to vote, you woebegone weas - er - wasters. I voted. It meant a long walk in the rain and wind, but I did it. You still have over an hour (typed during blog composition and thus by the time you read this your window of opportunity will be considerably less). There were a whole lot of parties on the Local ballot paper, 11 in all. Sadly cameras and photography are strictly forbidden in the polling station - actually Sally's old primary school - or I would be able to display at least 4 parties united in a frothing hatred of Europe, the EU, Europeans and basically anyone who isn't English, and even then I imagine a lot of us wouldn't pass muster. As an alien spy I certainly wouldn't, and any of you with a less than 100% English background going back over 10 generations, provable with an attested family tree, marriage <Mister Hand intervenes to prevent a 10 minute lecture with no punchline>
| A rota. Close enough |
Basic Russian
Since the sons of Rus are rather in the news of late, Conrad thought you might appreciate a few pointers about their language.
"Voda": "Water". A substance regarded with great suspicion by most Russians, at least as far as drinking it goes. Frequently diluted with spirits to make it potable**.
"Vodka": "Little water". Like I said, that's what Russians drink, little water. Vodka, however, they consume like nobody's business. In a pinch you can use it to clean metal, fuel a car or strip paint. Made from potatoes, so if you hear a Russian describe how he got "mashed", you know what he means.
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| He might also add how he got "potatoed", tuber honest |
"Khorosho": "Good". Ironically pronounced "horror-show". So if Vanya goes off to see "Godzilla" he might well declare it a -
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| Probably not a Khorosho horror-show |
By law, on any crowded public service vehicle, there has to be at least one drunken/drugged/simply-off-their-box person, whom everyone else avoids, and especially avoids eye-contact with.
Like the unshaven ranter this morning, who stood opposite a woman who clearly didn't want to be there, getting talked at in an unending stream of barely comprehensible Middle Idiot.
Conrad's solution to this problem is quite simple, and is in fact his default Bus Travel Mode.
1) Use i-pod, not at full vo - heck, yes, at full volume! Black Sabbath comes over so much better when it's played LOUD!
2) Read book. The common bus traveller may read the Metro, Conrad however has to have his own special book. Or books, plural, in case he finishes one. Actually at present he carries four, but is concentrating on "The History Of The Guards Division In The Great War".
3) Make notes - an unusual reference in a book, a stray thought, an advert seen in passing, all have to be noted down lest they be lost.
Now, it isn't often that people sit next to Conrad, and until this morning he didn't wonder why. Er - however - if you saw a large, cross-looking man with a frown and a a scarey stare reading a strange book and listening to equally strange music, you wouldn't think he was the obligatory Bus Nutter, would you? Of course not!
Tomorrow's Cakes Will Be -
Banana, Pecan and Chocolate-Chip Muffins, so not quite cakes yet more than mere cookies. Conrad expects the ganterpies to flock tomorrow, since he hasn't been there to feed the flock for three weeks.
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| "Ganterpies" = a combination of "gannet", termagant" and "harpies". Or is it a savoury dish from Norfolk? |
Anna's Run
Once upon a time there was a cute puppy.
The cute puppy grew up.
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| Now it's a horror-show |
| All that was left of him ... |
IT KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE!
The only way to avoid Cute Puppy Monster paying you a visit is to bankroll the Pavlou sisters, Georgina and Anna, in the Edinburgh Marathon. This is your online sanctuary:
http://www.justgiving.com/edinburghmarathon2014
Morning has broken, Conrad has spoken.
* The fuming lava that passes for blood in Conrad's veins is only safe for fuelling heavy industrial plant, not feeble human circulatory systems
** Potable = drinkable. Nothing to do with potatoes, honest.
*** No, not that kind of Big Party. A political party.
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