Yes that's a chapter heading from "Lord Of The Rings". Yesterday, whilst Dogsitting Daughter and boyfriend Tom Howl were downstairs, the door to my Upstair Lair opened and - I expected Jenny, the she-cat, to trot in. She does this after having escaped from the kitchen, circumnavigates the Lair a few times, then settles down on the bed, firmly convinced that possession is ten points of the law.
But no! Who was this but Edna. "She won't come upstairs unless abandoned" Wonder Wifey had definitively stated.
Wrong! Not having been up here before, she sniffed everywhere before deciding that downstairs was better. Conrad's patent Anti-Dog Repellent Ray Gun clearly has a future ahead of it.
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| The weapon in question |
Yes indeed. Driving Tom into Manchester to catch the train, I had Elbow on. "A chinless prefect gone Godzilla" warbled Guy Garvey.
Whoah! <imagine Keanu Reeves saying it> check out that bus poster, it's for -
Godzilla!
A small thing, perchance, yet Conrad finds it amusing.
| Godzilla eats baby? Baby wearing Godzilla suit? Only you can decide! |
Fun With The Elements!
Manganese. No! it's not the language spoken by nerd who watch Japanese animation. It's an element, chemical symbol Mn, atomic number 25. Typically of most metals, it is silvery in appearance. Whilst not as bad for you as other metals - lead, cadmium, mercury, you know I'm talking about you! - it can cause neurological damage if inhaled as a powder. So - as someone famous once said - don't inhale.
What is it used for? As a cathode in batteries, as an electrolytic compound in batteries, and especially to alloy steel, creating a much more robust metal than Fe + C on it's own. Industrially, it is used to create green or pink glass.
But, as an anti-knocking agent in petrol, you come to appreciate the beauty of chemical compound names - Methylcyclopentadienyl manganese tricarbonyl is the one in question. Sensibly, chemists abbreviate it to MMT.
| What it does to your tongue - when you try to pronounce it, that is. It doesn't mutate you! |
Yes, time to skewer those unfortunates Simon and his partner, Garfunkel. Let us deride their popular hit "Baby Driver", second verse:
"They call me Baby Driver"
STOP! right there Mr Simon. You too, Garfunkel, don't think hiding under the table will save you. "Baby driver" indeed! This is a shocking practice and both parents are going to be prosecuted - Prosecuted, I tell you!
"And once upon a pair of wheels"
STOP! My god, how awesomely irresponsible are these parents - not only are they allowing a baby to drive - they're on a motorbike!
"Hit the road and I'm gone ah"
This only gets worse! Now the baby is impacting the asphalt with no mention of protective gear - no wonder they exclaim "ah", if it were me I'd be going AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"
"What's my number"
Shocking, simply shocking. This poor child is now suffering from amnesia.
"I wonder how your engine feels"
At this point, probably a whole lot healthier than the baby driver.
"Ba ba ba ba"
I now understand that the collision was caused by impact with four sheep.
"Scoot down the road"
"Scoot" as in on hands and knees, right - so the motorbike is a total write-off?
"What's my number"
Child still an amnesiac
"I wonder how your engine feels"
Utterly callous! Not one word of concern for the child, oh no, it's all about the bike!
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| Minnie Driver. Close enough. |
An Angel In The North
Inspired by a comment by Dave Kerry, ex-A Level Art student, I would like you to meet Dogsitting Daughter's A-Level Art project.
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| Positively cherubic, right? Unless you had to carry the damn thing - heavy, brittle and awkward |
Condensed Films
Here we go with another small feature, giving you the critical tools to make those important decisions - is this film a big pile of decomposing day-glo doggy-doodoo and, if so, shall I watch it?
The Thing Ick! Squick! Heads with legs!
The Abyss Submarines, water tentacles and aliens
The Shining Creepy: Jack; music; sets; typewriting
The Exorcist Really nice Mike Oldfield soundtrack
The Relic South American monster in Yonkers
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