Let's See If We Can Avoid The Usual Suspects
Conrad, whom has worked in both the public and private sector, is going to try a different type of Intro, one focussing on business culture, and giving you my insight, having been a corporate employee for these past 13 years. Which is still less than the 22 years spent in the public sector. Go me, when do I get a medal?
What follows is drawn from an item from my news feed, that I deleted immediately after making notes, so I cannot inform whom they were. The second strand is from the prestigious 'Forbes' magazine. Conrad is making the justified assumption that all these <ahem> perks apply to South Canadian employers. You know, the ones who believe employees are actually indentured slaves.
You might call the original article 'From Work Perk To Scam-It-Am', which I made up all by myself. Okay, let the list begin.
UNLIMITED HOLIDAYS: I have to say, this is a new one to me, coming as I do from This Sceptred Isle, where we routinely have 30+ days holiday per year. Art!
The real-world consequence of this policy is that employees end up taking less leave, rather counter-intuitively. Why so? Well, since there are no boundaries or guidelines for staff, and no use-it-or-lose incentive to take leave, staff tend to keep going in the office rather than bearding their manager about holidays. Plus, what happens to untaken leave? If I have leave left in January of the following year, it gets paid out. Somehow I doubt South Canadian employers would do this.
FREE MEALS: Great, this would appeal to those stricken by cupboard love. Not a cultural thing in the UK, this 'perk' is widely seen as keeping slaves serfs workers at their desks, if the food gets delivered a la carte., and encouraging them to work later if they aren't hurrying home for tea. Art!
Otherwise, it keeps employees in the office building rather than sloping elsewhere offsite to grab a bite. Plus, if the food is free, are you really subsidising it with your wages? There is also a risk that certain employees - Conrad hang your head in shame - would abuse free food and eat so much as to cause a food coma. Having an employee falling asleep on their keyboard damps productivity, rather.
'FUN' OFFICE ENVIRONMENT: Conrad learned long ago to be wary of employers who seem to exist in a permanent state of 'Party-in-the-office'. One imagines that 'Fun' is compulsory or else. Does this Office Of Awesome behaviour conceal poor wages, lack of progression or other ills? Some employees avoid the Games Room because using it it tallied and assessed in performance reviews as being of an undesirable attitude. 'Forbes' put it well: 'Nobody wants to do business with a frat house'. Minimum professional standards, people.
On the other hand, the pool table on the Sainsbo's canteen floor never lacked for users. Art!
TEAM-BUILDING RETREATS: Definitely a foreign concept in Perfidious Albion. What this means in South Canada is an unpaid demand on your personal time, which sounds as if the State Labour Board need to be informed. One may enjoy working with colleagues, but not for 48 hours non-stop without payment. In fact by the end of such a torment you might well have grown to hate hate hate them. Art!
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| "HATE HATE HATE!" |
WELLNESS PROGRAMS: These are frequently promoted to make an employer seem Kind And Caring, when in fact it's only going through the motions, covering up burnout or overwork. If the approach isn't properly integrated then it won't be anything more than window dressing. Here in the UK I've seen support offered for an employee who had a nervous breakdown and whom eventually returned to the office. In fact they were one of the few staff retained after the redundancy program kicked in. Which is great. For them. Art!
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| 'Employee burnout' |
FINANCIAL REWARDS: Conrad is rolling two different items into a single one here. Firstly, companies offering stock options as if they were money in the bank, when in fact they mature verrrrrrrrry slowly. Having to wait 25 years to get a 1% increase in your bonds is a long-term downer. The other financial 'reward' is in the form of employee discounts, which one 'Forbes' analyst pointed out are offered by companies to boost their revenue, not to benefit workers, at least in South Canada. The items discounted tend to be poor value and end up being ignored by employees. Art!
Not so in Conrad's corporate experience, especially at the Co-Op towards Christmas, where the in-building shop gave big discounts on alcohol and chocolates, the two staple food groups.
PAYING FOR PHONE BILLS: Neither article explains if this is the business paying for a works phone, which is what Conrad would 100% expect. Or, this may the company paying your personal phone bill, the suckers!
Except not so quick, Ralphie Glick. Paying for your personal phone leads to you being expected to be available 24/7 via your mobile. Congratulations on your giant electronic ball-and-chain! Art?
Conrad also cannot understand the South Canadian office drones who take their office mobile home, and, even worse, on holiday - AND ANSWER IT!
I think that's enough of (primarily) South Canadian manglement. If you ever go looking for a job and these red flags come up, RUN.
Chugging The Big Empty
I stole that from 'Ace Trucking Co.' from 2000AD, sue me if you like. Yes we're back to more of Mr. McKie. Art!
Yes, even in the 27th century mansplaining is still a thing. What we're looking at seems to be the fractal artefacts created by a starship going FTL. Conrad wonders how they arrange traffic lights and double yellow lines in hyperspace.
In Clement Weather
NO! that is not a typo, it's an hilarious pun I tell you, hilarious, laugh or it's the Remote Nuclear Tormentor for you!
I refer, of course - obviously! - to 'Clement Molin', the clever French chap who analyses open-source intelligence and charts and maps it, which has been picked up by other Youtube pundits such as 'Jake Broe'. Jake presented a couple of Clem's charts and graphs about Ruffian versus Kozaky drone production, from which thereby hangs a tale. Art!
You can see the Ukrainian drone numbers taking upward flight in Easter 2026, and the Ruffian drone numbers taking a dive at the same time. The latter is due to the Ruffians finding out the hard way that their Geran (a Shahed clone) drone in it's 'lawnmower' iteration. Art!
Here Clem illustrates how many Garans the orcs have been sent into Ukraine over time, with numbers solidifying in 2025. The blue is the original 'lawnmower' Geran, the bargain bucket version that costs $20,000 per unit; red is the jet turbine model. One reason the number of Ruffian drones are dropping is that the orcs are discontinuing the lawnmower model, since the Kozaky interception rate is 85% at worst and 95% at best. It costs no more than $5,000 for a STING interceptor drone, meaning the orcs were losing money hand over fist. Art!
The thing is, these jet-powered drones, with their electronic countermeasures and armour, now cost $200,000 per unit. Hence the numbers are dropping like their earlier brethren. Typical orcs: the idea about drones is that they are kept cheap and plentiful. Justin Bronk does not approve.
The Touch Of Death
One of the hilariously unfunny aspects of JD Vance, the South Canadian Vice-Prez, is that the world leaders he shakes hands with all die, literally or metaphorically. Conrad is pretttty sue Orban The Weretoad would still be rolling in a money trough had not 'Judge Death' gone and stumped for him.
Hmmmm whom else has that same effect? Art!
Pause for an Americano black coffee without sugar or sweeteners, the way it ought to be drunk.
To Be Handled Gingerly
I made up another batch of ginger beer, which is currently fermenting away in the Sekrit Layr. Art!
Safely ensconced in a stout bag in case a bottle bursts. The one marked 'X' was only about half full with liquor, so I topped it up to the ullage level and we'll see how weak and feeble it is. In four weeks.
Finally -
Conrad is now onto Episode 7 of 'The Great War', which deals with 1915. I've gone over the previous 6 and made copious notes, whoopeee! Only another 21 episodes to go. Art!
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