Mazeltov!
Conrad is unsure exactly what this means, but it begins with an "M" so that's sufficient.
Yes, we begin this Intro with another look at a South Canadian plagued by indictments, money woes, defamations and miscellaneous money miseries. I know what and who you're thinking and you're WRONG. Make no mistake, Conrad could fill the blog with nothing but the woes of Pumpkinhead and do it twice daily, except that would get boring. No, the person in question is - Art!
What on Earth?
Art, have you been at the charcoal briquettes again? You know they give you gastro-cerebral conniptions! Try again.
"I'm melting! I'm melting!"
Finally! For Lo! we are indeed going to point and laugh at Rudy Giuliani, who deserves it. Rudy, you may recall, fronted most of the 60 attempts to challenge Pimpkinhead's loss of the 2020 election, loudly declaring outside various courts that he was going to crack the fraud wide open, that there'd never been so much evidence, that not only the Kraken but the Minotaur, Hippogriff and Bubbles The Tap-Dancing Elephant were going to be released.
Once in court, because you have to actually adhere to facts, evidence and proof, the claims became how heavy rain in the Sanjak Of Novi Pazar would impact the pistachio harvest, or that there was only one space between the full stop and capital letter in 27 sentences of -
You get the idea. All 60 cases were dismissed. This is important later, so make a note. Art!
Next up in Rudy's monetary woes was his defamation case against Ruby Freeman and Shay Moss. Not only did he get taken to court for this massive life-threatening slander, he continued to do so WHILST ON TRIAL FOR IT. Sheesh. You wouldn't think that this chump is a lawyer, would you? Well, the bottom line for him is that he is now $148 million the poorer for it, which enormous judgement you might think would persuade another notorious pie-hole flapper to shut up*.
This is merely the latest in a series of financial troubles Rudy has found himself in. He is currently on the hook for $500,000 in unpaid taxes, which means the bloodhound-leech hybrids of the Internal Revenue Service will be on his bottom forever, or until he pays, whichever comes first. Art!
When it comes to the IRS and it's agents, Conrad is minded of a line from that seminal sci-fi film, "The Terminator"
Listen, and understand! That IRS is out there! It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop... ever, until you are taxed!
To paraphrase a little <sniggers>.
Of course - obviously! - that's not all. Rudy has apparently been taking lessons from his erstwhile morbidly obese friend - who has now downgraded him merely to an 'acquaintance' - in not paying his legal team. Thus, as he might have expected, you know, being a lawyer himself, they are suing him.
For $1,360,000. Wow. You HAVE been a naughty boy, haven't you, Rudy? Art!
The Satsumaman put on a $100,000 per place 'fund-raiser' for Rudy, probably because the latter knows where the bodies are buried, in an attempt to raise millions. Hmmm. They raised $300,000. So Rudy has 3 wealthy friends in the world. Not much he can look forward to there. Art!
Georgia State Penitentiary
Mind you, Ol' Rudy might not need to go looking for food or accommodation in a year's time, as there is a very real chance he will be serving hard time in prison thanks to being convicted in the Georgia RICO trial looming in the future.
You never know, he might write a best-selling tell-all about his turbulent times, except all the profits would be garnished for his lawyers and the IRS and Moss and Freeman. So, he may not bother.
Bring on the buckets of popcorn!
More Magnificent Monies
Yesterday we were giving "The Marvels" the usual financial kick in the teeth it deserves, making "John Carter" look almost successful in comparison. Well, you are probably unaware of a film franchise from the early into mid-2000s, which was insanely successful. I can't capture data from "Box Office Mojo" without the graphics taking over the entire page, so I'll just copy them from an old blog post.
Here are some figures from an old blog post:
Title Cost Box Office
Alvin and the Chipmunks $60 million $360 million
Alvin 2 $75 million $443 million
Alvin 3 $75 million $342 million
Alvin 4 $90 million $234 million
Thus these wretched things have made $1,379 billion in total, at the box office alone, without taking merchandising, DVD release or television rights. They've probably hit one and a half billion by now. Given that the last one was in 2015, we're probably due another one soon, because nothing succeeds like a great return at the box office. Then there's Jason Lee, who has - I hope! - made a great deal of money from these films.
In fact there hasn't been another Chipmunk film, perhaps due to the law of diminishing returns, perhaps because Jason got too embarrassed.
Bear in mind these are the most successful live-action/animated films ever made.
"The War Illustrated"
As you may have noticed, there has been an emphasis on D-Day and post-landing events in the pictures I've chosen, meaning that the Allies weren't quite admitting that Normandy wasn't a feint any longer, and there must have been a dawning sense of "O Excrement" amongst the higher Teuton commands. Art!
These are gliders bringing in air-landing troops into Normandy; you can see landed gliders (probably Horsas) to centre port, and other gliders casting off from their bomber tugs. The thing about gliders was that they landed your troops exactly on target, rather than having them scattered all over the place by vagaries of wind or transport tugs. Plus, you could pack bigger stuff like jeeps or anti-tank guns in gliders. There was a fine line between being robust enough to transport twenty men, and being sufficiently flimsy to not waste material in a disposable airframe that wouldn't be used more than once in the real thing.
"City In The Sky"
A band of gallant volunteers, including the Doctor, are camping out in a now-deserted New Eucla, waiting for the black hats to show up.
Mike kept his own counsel. The
little man had liberated a set of kitchen knives and then dug out a battered
aluminium wok from The Sanctuary’s darkest kitchen recesses with an expression
of genuine glee, only bettered when he discovered a few gold coins in the
building’s safe. Somehow he’d opened the
safe with what looked like a child’s toy, except no child’s toy created a
vibration that rattled ones teeth and bowels simultaneously. Then he’d dragged Billy Barakan off to the
forge with both wok and coins to work mischief with both. Billy came back ten minutes later with the
nozzle for their fire-engine’s hose, treated in the furnace until it turned
cherry red and then worked with hammer and file. It still plugged back into the hose.
‘Gives you more range,’ was the only explanation they got.
And all the time, every few minutes, the small stranger looked to the
skies over the Bight. He wouldn’t
explain his preoccupation to anyone.
‘Late,’ he muttered within earshot of Mike after finishing off the
lemonade.
Glynn, another weather-beaten outsider more used to long, lonely days
riding the highway as a courier, wanted an explanation as to why they’d dragged
the fire-engine into mid-street and left it there, concealed by no more than a
tarpaulin.
Gosh, what on earth could he be expecting to come via air mail?
Colour Conrad Confused
I have heard of Taylor Swift, but haven't heard any of his music.
Only joking! No, I understand that she's a big cheese in contemporary pop music, which you might think would earn her a sneer of cold contempt - I'm really good at cold contempt sneers - from Conrad, WHO STILL HATES ALL MUSICALS. Yet no. I am being unusually accepting of her. Art!
Partly out of sheer mischief. Because, for reasons utterly unfathomable to Your Humble Scribe, she appears to send the South Canadian Wizard Lizard Gizard political party into frothing coils of venomous hatred. I mean, if she was a grungy death-metal rocker who burned the South Canadian flag to keep warm in winter, one could understand it, but - the gel is a mere slip of a thing, unquestionably pretty and not promoting riotous assembly.
At times, one is glad there is an ocean keeping us apart.
Finally -
That's all, pilgrims!
* As if!
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