Conrad's Treacherous Memory Is Sparking Again
You know how it is, you pick up a train of thought and it abruptly changes track into another direction, and then someone (Steve!) throws the points and it goes into a loop.
You see, I am going to be making an historical comparison between events of the First Unpleasantness and the Special Idiotic Operation. There Conrad was, all ready to start, and suddenly -
'What was that future-war novel that was supposedly written by a fictional female officer, who first saw combat in Africa, and who wrote about a clash of arms between Ruffia and China?" Art!
This isn't fickle fantasy; the Sinisters and Chinese went to war in large-scale border skirmishes over the international boundary line of the Ussuri River, in Siberia. So they have a history.
ANYWAY I've just been having a trawl on Google and cannot readily find the book that I want. There's scads of novels about a potential Third World Unpleasantness, because it seems we can never get enough drama about blowing the world up <coughcoughCityInTheSkycough>. Art!
I seem to recall it was written by a British ex-officer so I may Google later, because this Intro won't write itself. Indeed, if it did, I'd be out of a job*.
ANYWAY AGAIN I would like you to cast your mind back to the First Unpleasantness and mid-1916, where the armies of Perfidious Albion (and the M8s) launched what was actually the Campaign of the Somme. The 1st of July was actually the 8th day of the battle, as the hapless Teutons had been under Allied artillery fire for a week prior. As we all know, the British army suffered extraordinarily heavy casualties in attacking Teuton defences they had been preparing for over a year and a half. Art!
This perhaps overstates somewhat, yet it hopefully gives you an idea of what the advancing Tommies were up against.
However - and you knew that word was coming - the Teutons,too, suffered appallingly, with their total casualties being at least 500,000.
Why so, if they were safely ensconced in various trenches and bunkers and deep dugouts? Surely they were safe underground or behind cover?
Well, yes and no. By the time the campaign ended Teuton defences were trenches dug between craters, as each significant retreat saw their fortifications become less impressive. What really put the serval amongst the pigeons was what might be called the 'Falkenhayn Folly', he being the Lord High Muck-a-Muck of the Teutons during the initial phases of the Somme. His Cunning Plan was that the Allies would have to carve their way forward over a wall of bodies, because his army would, as policy "Attack without regard to casualties to immediately recapture lost ground, no matter how small the area lost." Art!
As you can plainly see, this made them extremely vulnerable out in the open, and their counter-attacks always suffered heavy casualties, even if successful.
When Falkenhayn got the boot in August 1916, the duumvirate of Ludendorff and Hindenburg who took over were appalled at the Teuton casualty list and demanded an end to the Cunning Plan. In fact the Teutons were so wedded to this tactic that it took a year to wean themselves off it. The historian John Terraine counted no less than 330 Teuton counter-attacks during the Somme campaign.
Apparently Ruffian casualties for the past six weeks have been very heavy, which doesn't make sense, as they ought to be pretty safe in their defensive lines. You don't need much skill to sit in a trench, point and pull the trigger. Except it seems Falkenhayn's Folly is at work. Bloaty Gas Tout - Ukraine's secret weapon as a direct analogue of Herr Schickelgruber in the Second Unpleasantness - is determined to keep hold of what he's got. No retreat! No surrender! Fight to the last man and the last bullet! Art?
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| "Hey - that's MY line - stop nicking my scripts!" |
Conrad caught sight of a peculiar and ingenious mouse/rat trap on Twitter (you can forget that 'X' nonsense), and is willing to bet it will raise a cruel snigger or two. Art!
I can't find the original video, which ended with a bucket of dead mice being emptied out of the bucket, which is perhaps a good thing as you don't really want that whilst eating your dinner.
The Haul
Yesteryon Wondery Wifey got hold of me whilst I was pottering around at lunch time, saying that she was going to put an order in to Cut-Price Barrys, and did I want to order anything that she'd spotted on the stock list?
Did I ever! Art!
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| £30 the lot |
Those 8 pots in the background are Marmite-Flavoured Peanut Butter, which ought to have cost £24 on their own. The Mint Cordial is Dog Buns difficult to get and is about £5 per bottle, thus £10 in total. Those 6 packs of Marmite-flavoured Graze? £15 in the shops. And the modest number of 24 noodle packs ought to have been £15. Overall £64.
I should point out that retailers do sometimes sell of the MFPB at half-price, because is has sat on the shelves so long the oil has separated out. It requires a mighty effort to get it blended smooth again. You can't use a teaspoon or you'll bend the handle.
Sweet, Sweet Schadenfreude
Just a bit of dog-piling on Citizen Trump. Yesteryon he released a bizarre video broadcast where he begged Congress to stop the witch-hunt against him. Art!
He espoused all sorts of drivel, including that Jack Smith is deranged and Joe Biden is the most corrupt Prez in the history of forever. Funnily enough, he's not made any legal protestations about this in court, because - you know, facts, evidence, perjury, defamation, etcetera. Nor can Congress do anything to intervene in the legal proceedings, as other South Canadians have pointed out, because it's the LEGISLATIVE arm of government, NOT THE JUDICIAL. But facts are DJ Tango's Kryptonium.
This pleading is because he's going to be indicted twice in the near future. In the past he was able to outlast, out-lawyer and bully plaintiffs into submission. It must be swimming vaguely into focus for him that he really is in trouble this time, because the Feds are not going to back down, they can run the legal prosecutions for years if needed, and their pockets are infinitely deeper than his. Plus all his conspiratorial cronies seem to be ready to throw him under the bus before he can do it to them.
Conrad did suggest in a tasteless Youtube comment that Darth Marmalade's only viable prospect of escaping justice would be to suffer a stroke; given how stressed he is nowadays that's not an impossible consequence. Art!
Special Counsel Jack 'Smiley' Smith
None of this comes under the rubric of Politics, of course - obviously! - because 'Benedict Donald**' is a mere private citizen.
"City In The Sky"
The Doctor, sly old dog that he is, intends to update his knowledge of recent events without seeming to.
‘We’re a bit out of touch,’
explained the Doctor. ‘Nor did I ever get to walk in an orbital arcology
before today.’ His tone had a touch of the wistful, made all the more
appealing because his expression was sincere.
‘Out of touch?’ she
queried. ‘Even M3 know what’s going on Downstairs!’
‘Quite! Would you mind
showing me around your splendid Bernal sphere and updating me? My trusty
companion will stay here with your redoubtable Warden, if you wish.’
Closing her eyes,
He might jib at that description, love.
Finally -
We've wittered on long enough, time to wrap it up. Tot siens!
* Good thing? Bad thing? Only you can tell!
** One imagines only the South Canadians will get this.
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