Greetings, Gentle Readers
I've been hunting around teh Interwebz for the past 20 minutes, trying to find a hook to hang this Intro upon, and not finding anything promising - certainly nothing to do with 'Lord Of The Rings', which has been our theme for several days recently.
Actually - something does come to mind. Thanks, mind! It also allows me to add in a click-baity picture. Art!
This is the tower of Cirith Ungol, which is Sindarin for 'Spider's Cleft', originally constructed by Gondor after the defeat of Sauron in the War of The Last Alliance. Okay, so the name is an acknowledgement that the giant (and ancient) spider Shelob was knocking around. The thing is, what is it guarding? There is a route up to it from the plains below, and presumably stone for it's construction was quarried locally, but again, what is it protecting? Art!
The Secret Stairs? Who in their right mind would use this route instead of going via Minas Morgul? The stairs are steep, narrow and treacherous. Not only that, they lead into the caves that Shelob lurks in, making them even more undesirable as a means of transit. They cannot have been carved before the existence of Minas Ithil (it's name before it became Minas Morgul) because there was absolutely no need for them. They might have been constructed in order to enable orcs and other ghouls to sneak back into Mordor - but there's the Tower Of Cirith Ungol blocking the other end.
I shall leave you to ponder on that and may ev
ANYWAY back to the real Intro, which is every bit as dark as the above. Dear readers, there exists in South Canada a retail chain known as Coles, which is a variety of supermarket. Art!
You may not be aware, but retail jobs and their conditions in South Canada, at least for the shop floor workers, are much like those for the orcs in Mordor, with the Store Manager frequently assuming the role of Sauron, and the department managers aspiring to be Nazguls. Here is where our Original Poster was gainfully employed.
So, our Original Poster - for this is a Quora tale - was at the till when he sees the next customer, whom is Conrad-sized (6'1" and 90 kilos), slap his own daughter, who looked to be under five years old. This kindles a fire in OP's heart, and being an impressively-muscled dude at peak physical fitness thanks to volunteer fire-fighter status, and a martial arts practitioner to boot, he pulls the bully forward by his shirt and breaks his nose with a right-handed haymaker. He then threatens the bully in words I cannot repeat here, as said bully blubbers his way out of the building.
Of course no good deed goes unpunished. OP is called into the Store Manager's office. He describes her unflatteringly as a short, grossly overweight beach ball-shaped harpy, who immediately starts shrieking abuse at him. She threatens him with arrest and asks how he'd like to be hit?
You may see where this is going. Art!
She then, rashly, tries to punch him. It's not clear what she imagined was going to happen as she'd already seen what OP could do; he blocks the punch and trips her up, putting a foot squarely on her face when she tries to get up. He tells staff to call the police and for the security guards to pull up camera footage. He then quits on the spot and walks out, never to return.
She-Sauron is fired. OP feels that having her lose her job and being humiliated in front of all her staff is revenge enough, so he doesn't press charges. What a sweetie!
It's not over yet, though. Remember the Bullying Bottom-Hole? OP was required to attend his trial as a material witness, where the BBH was sentenced to fifteen years with no parole for assault, domestic abuse, attempted murder and drug dealing. That slap cost him a lot*. Art!
 |
| The last of the outside world he saw for 15 years |
Motley! It's really cold outside, let's warm up by playing Fireball Dodge and you can have the bottom half of the flameproof suit.
Outside Conrad's Comfort Zone
Wonder Wifey suggested that Your Humble Scribe take a trip into Royton today, it being Thursday, which happens to also be Market Day. Art!
Lesser Sodom's stalls
One vendor in particular was mentioned, whom sells fresh fruit and vegetables, including wild mushrooms of different varieties. Also, I forgot to get pears yesteryon during the big shop, so a chance at redemption looms. Art!
Apples
I think I've been to this outdoor market exactly once in all the time I have infested this vicinity, which is at least a couple of decades. Whadda ya know, I'll give it a go and see what I see. Need to wrap up snug, it's been snowing all day so far.
Brazil: More Than Salsa
Conrad, being aged and infirm in memory, cannot remember if this recommendation came via Youtube or Quora, but the subject of bands came up, and a commentator said that I ought to check out two Brazilian metal bands: Semblant and Rumahoy. I've listened to a little of the former and - quite like them. One to list on Spotify, I think. Art!
Semblant Rum, ahoy**
"The Sea Of Sand"
The Doctor, cunningly hidden underneath a truck, has now been taken by the alien bio-vores into their desert complex as they continue to salvage abandoned human vehicles.
With a twang! like the parting of a rubber-band, the tow cable snapped,
shattering apart into glass strands, allowing the towing tank to rumble
downwards in safety, and the Sahariana to end up free-wheeling down the wall of
sand, across the level basin floor and into a revetment.
Battered,
cut by flying glass and now wrenched, the Doctor hastily struggled to untie the
rope holding his wrists to the exhaust pipe.
His lessons from Harry came in handy, and by using his muscles, teeth
and brute strength he worked free in half a minute, dropping to the ground and
crawling away from the machine.
Only
just in time – a group of bio-vores came stamping across the sands, to examine
their new booty, exclaiming in surprise and awe at the amount of metal present
in the alien artefact.
Sneaking
away like a silent shadow, the Doctor realised there were far more bio-vores at
the dig than he’d calculated for.
Hundreds and hundreds – he needed to find the TARDIS immediately or he’d
be caught.
And
there it was, visible even in the shimmering air, sitting proudly and alone -
With
horrible timing, a warning shout went up from a bio-vore patrol, who pointed
and called to their colleagues. The
Doctor stopped trying to sneak and took to his heels at high speed, hoping
desperately to stay at liberty long enough to locate his time machine.
Will he manage? Hmmm, it would probably be a much shorter story if he did. Find out tomorrow!
Follow The Money
You should surely recall that trenchant Manglement tale I told yesteryon, about a construction company going bankrupt because they neglected to include the costs of installing electrical systems in a skyscraper they were building.
Conrad did a bit of digging, and could only find South Canadian sources for costing, which estimated the cost of electrical systems to be between $5 and $12 per square foot. However, another site said that overall electrical systems would cost about 4.2% of the overall cost.
Your Humble Scribes guesstimate is that neglecting the electrical systems added about $2 million to the cost overall, if we assume 20,000 square feet. Art!
Finally -
Time for a wet and a wad before my constitutional into Lesser Sodom!
* Good!
** Sorry, couldn't resist.
No comments:
Post a Comment