Sea Here

Once Again -

That is not a typo, it's an hilarious pun HILARIOUS I TELL YOU.  

     And, once again, we are back to Ol' Tolky and, not so much architecture but rather a lack of it, because - well, a picture is more informative.  Allow me to prod Art awake with this trident I just happened to have lying around.

     Actually this is one of Ol' Tolky's originals, with his additional annotations and those of illustrator Pauline Baynes, and you too can own it if you have at least £60,000 lying around.  

     Here an aside.  I can't make out the writing, but the BBC article I copied this from stated that Hobbiton is at the same latitude as Oxford, which was Ol' Tolky's hometown.  More in keeping with today's theme, the city of Minas Tirith was inspired by the Italian city of Ravenna.  Art!

The city of rave

     Okay, back to the map.  Allow Your Humble Scribe to illustrate a couple of places on the overall map.  Art!

The Grey Havens, a.k.a. Mithlond

Umbar, bottom centre 

      I can see you sucking your teeth and muttering that 'Pointless*' is on soon so you'd appreciate me getting to the point.

    Check out the big map.  Do you see any other ports or harbours or even coastal cities?  No, you do not.

     Now, there are sound reasons for both Mithlond and Umbar being sited where they are, because both are natural harbours protected from the open sea thanks to geography.  However, why are there no other ports at the estuaries of the numerous rivers in Middle-Earth?   Such locations are typically where towns and cities are first established, and it's a truism that, if lost in the wilds and you find a river, follow it to the sea in order to rediscover civilisation.  Art!

Case in point

     We know from Ol' Tolky himself that Middle-Earth had ships that could cross the ocean, because the refugees from Numenor came to Middle-Earth from there via the same.  Shipping can also manage tonnages that would be difficult or impossible to move by road, where movement would be limited to wagons and affected by seasonal weather.  Don't forget that horse-drawn wagons need water and fodder for the horses, too; all a ship needs is a sail.  Art!

     You could ship large quantities of freight between ports and harbours, and do it a lot quicker by sea, especially if you send the freight downstream in the first place.

     One reason might be the Corsairs of Umbar, who, not to put too fine a point upon it, were pirates.  Okay, then you ensure your ports have defences and cannot be simply stormed from the sea.  What about a navy?  Gondor could knock up a few warships to patrol the seas, or keep the pirates penned up at home.  Or the ports could strike up a mercantile league and fund their own navy.  So, I don't think that one will fly.

     Perhaps there had been such ports in earlier Ages, established by the elves, which fell into ruin when they left Middle-Earth?  In which case why weren't these locations renovated by Men? because the reasons for trade would still remain.

     Okay, I am now going to take Edna for a walk and will ponder possible reasons whilst doing so.

     Well, we're back from walkies and the only thing I could conceive was that the various different nations of M-E don't actually trade with each other.  This would require that I analyse the economy of M-E, which is a rabbit-hole best left alone.

Thanks But No Thanks

Okay, time for all you out there who are unfortunate enough to live beyond the shores of This Sceptred Isle to learn a little colloquial English.  'Loo', pronounced exactly as it's spelled, is a slight euphemism for the word 'toilet'.  Art!

One of these

    Conrad has been seeing adverts on Youtube for a French biscuit of late.  Art!

     Not likely, matey.

     The howling irony is that 'loo' is an Anglicization of the French slang for a toilet - 'Gardez L'eau' or 'Beware - Water!'.   There, now we're all better educated than we were five minutes ago, including me.  That's what you call flushed with success.

Emmaus

Yesteryon The Family took an excursion to Emmaus in Mosley, that being a charity that helps the homeless, and the first visit there by yours truly.  Art!

     Of course Conrad gravitated to the books section.  The whole place is freaking massive, with the whole lower floor dedicated to furniture, in the second photo.  From that and the exterior you can see it used to be a factory.  Sheesh, buying books to help the homeless, what a burden.

"The Sea Of Sand"

A mysterious and badly-damaged aircraft has landed in the desert just outside the depot at Mersa Martuba, and one of the Italian survivors has driven out to see what's going on.

Even though the plane had landed, the pilot didn’t stop the engine, which continued to send volumes of stinging grit and sand into Dominione’s face.  Finally the engine coughed violently and died, visibility cleared and the officer drew level with the cockpit.

          ‘Ah!  The devil take it!’ he muttered, seeing the pilot lying face-down over the controls.  ‘Those monsters have killed another.’

          Not quite, or not yet.  The pilot groaned when the cockpit door grated open.  Shards of shattered glass, edged like razors, lay on the cockpit floor.

          Being as careful as he could, Dominione managed to get the dying man into the Sahariana, getting liberally doused with blood.  Sarah and Lieutenant Llewellyn met him at the entrance to the depot, where he stopped.

          ‘The pilot.  He was injured by the monsters, and I fear he is dying,’ explained the Italian.

Climbing into the Sahariana, Sarah found a canteen of water and tried to wet the pilot’s mouth.  He was young, handsome and dying in front of her.  Blood oozed out of a dozen puncture wounds that ripped holes in his tunic.

‘Drink this,’ she murmured, biting her lip.

‘Une femme?’ he whispered, opening his eyes.  ‘Oui!  C’est une bonne femme,’ he said, closing his eyes and smiling a little, before gasping once. 

Follow The Money Trial

No!  That is not a typo, it's a horribly amusing pun.  Because, once again, we are referring to Professor Jeffrey Sonnenfeld, whose surname is Teuton for 'Sun Field' and we all know whose flag displays just that ...

     ANYWAY the Prof was having a look at Ruffian gas exports to the EU.  Art!

Norway being a bit snobby, I fear

     In 2022 the Sinister Union 2.0 exported 86% of the EU's gas.  Now, in 2023, it exports 7%, or one-twelfth of last years total.  The Prof confidently predicted that by the end of this year that figure will have dropped to 0%.

     It's never going to increase again, either.  As an example, the Prof said that the Teutons, ever the thorough people, have built six Liquid Natural Gas plants over the past year - and he burst into laughter at this, saying the Teutons were looking like the Chinese for efficiency.  This means that LNG from sources not Sinister Union 2.0 can be processed, re-gasified and used.  No pipelines involved.  O, and the price of LNG has dropped by 70%, so what little Ruffian production there is of LNG won't be earning them much.

     By the way, there are no gas pipelines to either China or India, and building them would take six years and cost tens of billions, time and money Peter The Average doesn't have.  There is a reason some of Bloaty Gas Tout's billionaire mates are saying the country will be broke by the end of this year.  Art!

Dimya doesn't need salt in his soup, his tears are enough

*  Known to be more addictive than heroin or Quora.