BOOJUM!: Dear Mum, Having A Smashing Time

Seconds Out!

Forsooth, we are onto Part Two of the 'Top Gear' team trying to demolish a row of houses by using second-hand military vehicles. To wit, an engineering-variant armoured personnel carrier, a Combat Engineering Tractor and a mine-clearing rotary action vehicle. These all appear to have been purchased by the program from British Army surplus stock, to the tune of probably £100,000.

Jezza was a particular menace with his remote-controlled mine flail. The Dog Buns! thing was so powerful it was sending debris into the next street, and - whose was that car? Art!

Like marmalade: shredded

DUCK!

James May had actually thought about how to pull down the inside of 'his' house, and it worked, leaving only three exterior walls standing. At this point Hammond decided to 'help' and tried to charge in and demolish the remaining wall by ramming it. He got stuck. May then also tried to 'help' and - Art!

He brought the roof down. Literally. With friends like this ...

Thanks to reverse gear and a tow from May's CET, Hammond did manage to evacuate the ruins, except his APC was now wearing the roof. This required Jezza to get in there with his 'digger' and sweep the debris clear, to a censored swear from Rich as this was a very noisy process.
By this time the professional demolition team had gotten to their last house. Since time was not on their side, our three heroes decided to abandon finesse and simply use brute force: military vehicles used as battering rams. Art!

Conrad unsure if they can still sell these vehicles on. Note spectators in the background who refused to move to a safe distance, and who kept coming back when chased away. To be fair, they were pretty effective doing this, and might have been better-advised to adopt this method in the first place. However, the air horn soundeth - Art!

The professionals had already completed their demolition and were already trucking the rubble away. Well, yes, they won, but they were very boring about it. I did notice that Jezza stopped using the rotors after destroying that car, possibly because it threw stuff a long way with great force, and - yes, those spectators. O and the camera crew. O and the other demolition team. Art!

The filming location was the hilariously inapt Christian Fields. Even funnier, this is part of the district of Gravesend, which there was every risk of coming true.

Karma Alligator

This tale from Reddit is nothing to do with manglement, just plain old-fashioned greed and an awesome smackdown from Fate. Original Poster had an aunt who was the polar opposite of her mum: didn't get a job until she was 26, stole from her parents, had 3 different kids from 3 different men, divorced and generally an utter wastrel. However, Useless Aunt's mother (thus OP's grandmother) saw UA as the golden child and she could do no wrong, even if doing it wrong in front of GM. Art!

OP's mum died suddenly, after which GM never mentioned her again, except to say that her will would settle half the estate on the grandkids. After GM died UA continually put off the reading of the will.

SURPRISE! GM had left everything to UA, who had been present at the reading of the will months earlier. Even grandad's Second World War medals, which UA had given to her thieving junkie jail-dog oldest son, despite being promised to OP. Even taking legal action wasn't an option; it would have been expensive with very little hope of success. Art!

This is where the Karma Alligator shows up. UA put GMs house up for sale, for £750,000, and, because she had royally angered lots of people locally, was looking to move to London, where she put a deposit down on a house.

Ah but. The first couple who wanted the house got a survey done.

It was sinking.

Since being built it had sunk 1 inch, but the rate had increased to that amount annually, and within 3 years it would need an enormous amount of work done on it or be knocked down.

The buyers immediately backed out. UA then had to move into council accommodation because she couldn't afford to buy the house she had a deposit on. Foolishly, she let Clive The Crim move in with her. 'Foolishly' because he was barred from ever being in council housing, due to him wrecking every council home he'd been living in.

She got kicked out and had to go back to the sinking mansion. Art!

She, her boyfriend and Clive The Crim were stuck there - for two years. Eventually she sold it for £85,000, or about one-ninth of it's original value, and moved away. Thing is, she couldn't afford to buy a house so she stayed with her daughter Sue. All three of them in the basement.

But wait! It gets worse! A month later the boyfriend emptied her bank account and vanished. He probably considered it barely adequate as compensation for putting up with such a shrew. This led to UA and Sue getting into a shouting match as UA contributed nothing, which was capped by UA wishing Sue had never been born.

She got kicked out. Gee, this seems to be a pattern for her!

OP stated that the last they knew of UA, she was living in a caravan in a dodgy part of The Smoke, crippled by early-onset arthritis and thus not only unemployed but unemployable.

- it can be a beyotch

"The Sea Of Sand"

Things aren't looking good for the Doctor, he's not only been captured by the bio-vores, the TARDIS has been sent to their homeworld.

‘Completely true. I don’t suppose many of you are familiar with dimensionally-transcendental, polymorphic, temporal-mechanic architecture?’

The prospect of immediate death receded slightly as the bio-vore strung about with bits and pieces stood back to consult with others.

‘You are clearly not one of the local species,’ declared the bio-vore in a tone that smacked of saving-face. ‘Hence you will be sent to Homeworld instead of being Eviscerated.’

‘Ah yes. Half a loaf and all that,’ murmured the Time Lord ironically. A cuff from the bio-vore sent him reeling across the gritty gravel floor of the desert basin.

‘Less insolence, alien lifeform!’ boomed the bio-vore. ‘Get on the trans-mat platform.’

Standing on the massive disc that constituted what Professor Templeman had dubbed “The Dias”, the Doctor chewed his lip and wondered if his subconscious had conspired to get him up here.

His splendid isolation lasted only a few seconds, since four bio-vores dragged a Sahariana up the approach ramp and onto the platform, to stand next to him.

‘Hello there!’ he greeted them, beaming in entirely inappropriate fashion. ‘I’m called The Doctor.’

The four aliens looked intently at him. They were without the equipment that nearly every other bio-vore wore.

‘Let me guess – you are the Homeworld peasantry?’

Eight eyes looked at him with interested incomprehension.

Hmmm the bio-vores just made their existence that much harder.

Down The Rabbit Hole's Rabbit Hole

You know Conrad, always ending up in odd corners of the internet. I cannot remember how on earth I came across this website on Youtube, only - let the screenshots tell the story. Art!