Tiger Tiger

 - Burning Bright

In the something something night.  That's how it goes, isn't it?  Not that Conrad is into poetry <hack spit>.  Bear with me, this may take a while to mould into shape, and the 'Tiger' bit comes from just having watched Nick Moran ("The Chieftain's Hatch" vlogger on Youtube) analyse three clips from films featuring tanks, namely "Fury" and "Saving Private Ryan" where they used the last running Tiger tank in the world (Number 113 from Bovington Tank Museum) and a pretty fair mock-up from an old T-34, which is what they also used in "Kelly's Heroes".  Art!

     The turret's too far forward and there are no interleaved road wheels, which Joe Public wouldn't realise*.

     ANYWAY this Intro is not about tanks, it's about burning, and incidentally about showing how clever Conrad is.  Art!

     I really must apologise on behalf of our resident troglodyte, he seems to be fixated.  Let me apply a swift dose of electric cattle-prod.

     There we go: charred.  Let me but consult my Collins Concise.  "Charred: to burn or be burned partially; scorched".  From 'Char', which was an abbreviation for 'Charcoal', and not to be confused with - Art!

Arctic char

Charwoman

     Let us cast our lexicographical net a little wider and come across another homonym, two words you probably didn't expect to encounter today.  Art!

     These leafy greens, gentle reader, are chard.  Collins Concise: "A variety of beet with large succulent leaves and thick stalks, used as a vegetable."  You could, if you have a barbeque, make charred chard.

     Of course we can't stop there.  Art!

     Meet Lieutenant John Chard, one of the British officers in the film "Zulu", who is the antithesis of the apparent popinjay Bromhead.   Chard was by military specialism an engineer, and had never been in combat before, though he'd worked on fortifications in Bermuda and Malta.  He was left in charge at the Rorke's Drift mission station, being senior to Bromhead, with only 140 soldiers.  A barricade of mealie bags had been hastily constructed between buildings, to which Chard added a 'keep' of biscuit boxes as a fall-back position.  Art!

Splendid 'tash.  And yes, that is the Victoria Cross.

      During the attack on the garrison by Zulus, the hospital was set alight, so you might consider it <ahem> charred near to Chard.

     SPOILER ALERT the Zulus were beaten off.  Matey and 10 others of the garrison were awarded the Vicky Valour gong.  Art!

     Johnny Boy to starboard in pale trouserings.

     I think that's as far as we can get in squeezing the creative juice out of burning.

An Oldie Not Goldie

You may have heard recently about a South Canadian drone getting hit by an ineptly-flown Ruffian jet.  It was on a few news channels.  It seems that the drone operators scrubbed the software as clean as <thinks> a Canadian conscience, and then deliberately carried out a terminal dive into the Black Sea.

     Of course the Ruffians are interested in recovering it.  Thing is, you see, that Turkey won't let any more Ruffian warships into the Black Sea.  So the Ruffians have to make do with what they already have there.  Which is - Art!

     This, gentle reader, is the 'Kommuna', a submarine tender and recovery vessel, which was launched in 1912.

     No, that's not a typo.  1912.  Doubtless she is still in service because the Ruffians cannot build anything remotely like her since 1991 came and Ukraine got independence, along with it's shipyards.  She sets a record for being the oldest operational naval vessel in the world, a record the Ruffians are probably a bit sour about.

     The thing is, even with a sophisticated British-acquired Remotely Operated Vehicle, she can only operate at a maximum depth of 3,000 feet.  That drone hit the surface in water 4,000 to 5,000 feet deep and is very likely resting on the bottom in pieces.

     Good luck with that!

Serendipity

Still tangentially related to Ruffia, Conrad was searching his Collins Concise for a definition when he happened to notice the word 'Pariah', which is commonly used to describe Ruffia nowadays.  'Nigeria with snow' is another description (re the amount of corruption) and 'North Korea but bigger' (they have nukes and not much else).

     Allow me: "2)  A member of a low caste in South India, C17, from Tamil 'Paraiyan' which is derived from the Tamil for 'Drum', as members played drums at festivals."  Art!

     What's that track by Unkle?  Ah yes "Drums Of Death".

"The Sea Of Sand"

We are witnessing the Doctor being dragged to the bio-vores Place Of Execution, which doesn't sound as if he's going to be given tea and cakes.

One of them hit their captive across the back of the head, leaving the Doctor wincing and with a big bruise to contemplate.

The Place of Execution was grim, grey and unpopulated.  A big shallow granite bowl, with a semi-circle of terraces rising up around it for any audiences who might care to watch.  A circle of glossy black glass poles stood erect in the middle of the granite basin, with tell-tale piles of organic debris strewn around their bases.

          ‘No last request granted?’ asked the Doctor as he was secured to a pole with what looked like liquorice bootlaces.

          ‘No,’ grunted the bio-vore doing the tying.  ‘Except to say that if you struggle, the restraints will cut off your limbs.’

          ‘Oh, I see.  Ultra-thin silicon dioxide filament?  Perfect cutting tool.  Especially for organic surgical purposes, don’t’ you agree?’

          The detachment retired to the first tier of benches, to sit in ghastly judgement of his demise, judged the Doctor.  More bio-vores joined them, with a late arrival striding across the granite basin to the Doctor; the same bio-vore who had shouted so loudly back at the trans-mat.

          ‘Is this the best you could do?  Really, I’m almost insulted,’ joked the captive Time Lord.  ‘I mean, an important prisoner like myself, with the -’

‘Silence!’ shouted Url, glancing at his guard detachment with worry.  He couldn’t be sure that they were all on his side any more, not with how things were going, not with humble, servile Farmers daring to kill.  ‘I have come to pronounce a sentence of death!’

     He can never quite stop needling, can he?  Mind you, if it's your last moments, and you have a bit of pride, why not poke malicious fun.

An Oldie But Goldie

One of the feeds on the whatisname site that comes up by default when I open a new webpage is from 'The Telegraph', where the headline is 

Ukrainian troops use 19th century machine gun to repel Russians in Bakhmut

     This is supplemented by a picture.  Art!

     They mistakenly identify it as a 19th century Maxim.  This is a PM1910 and it  actually began service in 1910 and served in the First and Second Unpleasantnesses.  It is most definitely a heavy machine gun, coming in at 138 pounds.  The one above will be slightly lighter as they've ditched the shield.  Moving it is not the problem you might imagine, there is a handle folded up underneath the gun and as you can see it has two wheels to enable a single (pretty hefty) bloke to tow it.  The Ukes have put a restraining log behind the wheels to stop it recoiling off the firing platform.

     Vladislav, the Ukranian gunner using it, said it was admittedly very heavy, but would fire endlessly as long as you put water in the jacket to cool the barrel.  He might also have added to that, pouring gun oil over the moving parts.  Art!

With shield and towing handle extended

     He also, rather pithily, stated that this was a weapon from World War One still able to kill Ruffians in World War Three.  One can only agree - it's a bit like the British army using the Vickers gun alongside the GMPG**.

Finally -

I think we're done here.  Tomorrow we may take a look at the Browning M2 0.50 calibre machine gun and it's history.

*  BUT CONRAD DOES!

**  The Vickers was retired in the Sixties.