I'll Ease Into This One
Firstly, for those of you not familiar with this Teuton word, it means 'A malicious enjoyment of other people's misery', which, in Conrad's case, usually involves cackling and tweaking of moustache ends.
So, we rarely deal with sports here at BOOJUM! because frankly Conrad finds them boring. However - Art!
Yes, this Intro is talking about the ballfoot game. Above, you see Mohamed Salah in red (we shall come back to this), playing for Liverpool, kicking the ball past <checks BBC caption> someone on the other side, that side being The Manchester United.
Now, TMU normally play in red as well, which would have been horribly confusing for both teams, the referee and the spectators. However, as they were playing away, not at home - stop me if I get too technical - they have a back-up strip that they wear.
ANYWAY that's not the point. The point is - Art!
You, like Conrad, may not know much about the ballfoot game, but even I realise and recognise that this is An Humiliatingly Awful Defeat. GREAT! because that means the BBC will open up a Have Your Say and allow Comments, and they did. There are 5,342 Comments on there. The highest-rated one is the funniest.
Klopp: Haha! 7up please 😁
'Klopp' is the manager of the Liverpoolians. Art!
Nobody had a good word to say about TMU's captain, Fernandes. An example:
I've gone through dozens of comments and NOBODY defended him.
ANYWAY you may also be aware that Lavvy The Liar, a.k.a. Sergei Lavrov, the Sinister Union 2.0's Foreign Minister, is at present in India holding talks. Don't mistake India for Ruffia's friend, because they're not - gouging the Ruffians and taking advantage of no other oil markets is not very friendly behaviour. Art!
Here's another Ukrainian item from Auntie Beeb:
Meanwhile, Ukrainian military officials said leaders of Russia's 155th Brigade fighting near the town of Vuhledar, south of Bakhmut, had resisted orders to attack after sustaining severe losses.
That would be the 155th Marine Naval Infantry Brigade. This unit was one of the Ruffian's elite forces at the beginning of the war, which meant it was thrown into the fiercest fighting, and has been repeatedly ground down. It suffered 80% losses fighting to take Mariupol, and it's ranks are now being filled with sailors for the fourth or fifth time. Clearly folks like this aren't trained or experienced or keen to engage in ground combat. Art!
Yeah, yeah. Bizarrely, Puffy Petrol Pimp has now banned the use of non-Ruffian words in government communication, so he doesn't have to see the word 'Schadenfreude' ever again, the poor dear.
The Splitter
We are going to skirt, and perhaps dabble up to our ankles, in Politics, so Conrad will understand if you miss this item out.
Okay, so Citizen Trump announced last November that he was running for Prez in 2024, getting himself out there in advance of anyone else. However, and a however at 180 decibels, he has not been chosen - yet - as the offical Prez nominee of the Wizard Lizard Gizzard Party. This is critical for two reasons: 1) If he is nominated a lot of the party's voters won't vote for him, as they loathe him. They might not go so far as to vote for the Ice Cream Bandit Party, but there are an awful lot of them, and this could mean losing. Art!
"Donald dreamed of ..."
2) He's not nominated. As you should surely know, he has the temper and attitude of a sulky, petty seven year-old, so he'd definitely run as an independent even if only out of spite. This would split the WLG vote, sufficiently that the ICBs will waltz easily to victory.
Conrad bets that a lot of WLG grandees are ruefully wishing they had gone for Impeachment #2.
"The Sea Of Sand"
Under Sarah's beady eye and chivvying voice, the human survivors at Mersa Martuba are girding themselves for battle, should the aliens return.
‘Open at the
rear. To retreat, one must select
reverse gears,’ explained Torrevechio.
Albert swept
the Lysander cockpit clear of glass shards, poured sand on the spilt blood and
then swept out that sand. He sat in the
pilot’s seat, uncomfortably aware of the rents torn in it. The engine turned over when he identified and
pressed the starter button, running fitfully.
Must have copped flak.
Instead of a
RAF roundel on the fuselage, the Lysander had a Cross of Lorraine, and the
lettering “FAFL”.
‘Free French
Air Force,’ translated Albert. “Marengo”
had been painted onto the nose in white lettering.
He reported
these facts back to Sarah. Essentially,
the plane could fly. Not for long, given
the uneven way the engine ran. Plus, he
hadn’t flown in over two years.
‘Free French?’
asked Sarah. British, Australians,
Italians, now there were French in this insane war fought in a baking broiling
wilderness.
‘Oh aye, a
real united nations we are. Poles,
Greeks, Czechs, Kiwis, Indians,’ Davey told her, unboxing belts of machine gun
ammunition.
‘Sounds a
little like UNIT!’ smiled Sarah, finding amusement in small things, since they
were all that were amusing at present.
‘Eh? Unit of what?’
‘No – U – N –
I – T. “United Nations Intelligence
Taskforce.” Sort of world police in the
future. Well, provided we deal with
these monsters.’
Fun fact: for the new 'Doctor Who' series the UN protested at the use of it's name, so it was amended. And, because I'm a swine, I'm not going to tell what it is now.
Hooray!
Those who have been reading BOOJUM! for a while will know that the Youtube channel 'Insider' put out a couple of videos featuring the historian Roel Konijendijk, who looks at ancient and medieval warfare in film and television and rates them. Well, they put out another one. Art!
The man himself
Let's look at the first review. Art!
Conrad is unsure when or how an amphibious landing is part of the story of Robin Hood. Still, let us proceed. Art!
Nope. As Roel immediately points out, those are WW2-era landing craft with oars stuck on. There was such a landing, apparently, during the 'Baron's War', made by French troops - except it was unopposed. A minor yet important detail. Art!
If there's only one way up the cliff, normal warfare practice would be to block it and, as RK points out, the invader's options are starve at the bottom or go home. No need for a pitched battle. Art!
"These guys are doing everything possible to lose this battle". If faced with a cavalry charge you group together and point spears forward, which worked up until the mid-nineteenth century. Art!
Yes, as high as that.
Finally -
I've got a day-old burger in a bun, and a three day-old slice of pizza, so that's lunch sorted!
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