- Of Mordor,
In order to form a Trade Union, demand that the following Terms And Conditions be agreed upon in good faith by The Dark Lord and all his minions, underlings, slaves, chattels, overseers, Dark Riders and giant flying reptiles of dubious origin.
To wit:
1) Working hours shall begin at sunrise, as determined by when the sun ascends over the peaks of the Ephel Duath, regardless of whether Mount Doom is erupting or not.
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| CAUTION! Not suitable for Ascot |
2) Working hours shall cease at sunset, commensurate with Daylight Saving Time adjustments during the seasons.
3) Only if actively conducting military operations will the above be suspended, for a period not exceeding six weeks as this is deemed to be how long the mighty military forces of Mordor will take to cream the enemy. An extension to this period can be requested. Overtime would be nice but we're not going to push it.
4) There will be a morning and afternoon Comfort Break of fifteen minutes and one hour for Lunch, with double rations at the weekend.
5) Rations will be supplied to the extent of a bottle of grog per orc per day, being issued from the barrel, orcs being individually responsible for their own bottle. The quartermaster will have a stock of spare bottles, price one half-farthing each. Meat, preferably human, will be supplied in the quantity of one pound per orc per day. Horse or orc may be substituted when in the field. No need for bread. Bread is for pansies.
6) Plunder is to be retained by the individual who lays hands on it first. In the case of a disagreement, last orc standing wins. There will be no recourse to law or judiciary. HOWEVER anything obviously magical, enchanted or wizardish is to be turned over to The Dark Lord quick smart, to be fairly compensated at market rates.
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| He knows if you've been good or bad. |
7) Annual leave of two se'en-nights per annum is to be granted, arranged by negotiation with at least ten days notice, exclusive of public holidays such as Sacking Of Osgiliath Day or Minas Ithil Conquered. It is agreed that leave requests may not be made when on active campaign.
8) Orcs in the service of Saruman are not entitled to any of these benefits or entitlements as they are scabs. If they wish they may abjure Saruman and swear allegiance to The Dark Lord.
9) Orcs are to be supplied with weapons and armour from the central armouries and arsenals of Barad Dur. HOWEVER once issued orcs are responsible for their maintenance and upkeep. Arrows are to be re-used whenever possible. Quartermasters will hold spare stock that can be bought at second-hand rates.
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| 'Differently attractive' |
10) Elective literacy and numeracy classes will be instituted for a better-educated work force, ensuring that written orders can be understood and obeyed better than word of mouth. Those who obtain relevant qualification will have one groat added to their pay.
11) Pay shall be at the rate of one farthing per day, with an extra farthing when on active campaign. A bonus payment of one shilling will be made on public holidays, such as Activation Of Mount Doom Day.
12) Medical care shall be provided by the provision of magical unguents and physiks, plus nominated torch-bearers will be responsible for cauterisation of wounds or missing limbs with liquid pitch.
Yours, in kind anticipation dear Dark Lord, The Orcs.
Well, I did warn you that BOOJUM! might feature something this silly. And now it has.
The Gate of Silver
I know, I know, it does sound like one of Ol' Tolky's invented architectures. Well, I cheated, it should really be 'Silvergate'. Art!
We've covered this briefly in previous blogs, and now I want to update you thanks to vlogger 'Joe Blogs', whose vlogs on economics are excellent viewing.
So, Silvergate have gone bust. This is part of the fallout from FTX and it's criminal operations. SG used to be the go-to bank for the crypto industry, with it's stock value at peak being $220 per share. Their investment model was to take the money given them by their clients and buy Federal bonds with it, rather than just leave it in an account accruing interest. Art!
This is a bit of risky business, because if the value of inflation goes up, the value of the bond declines. Guess what? Yes, inflation increased.
SUDDENLY! there was a run on Silvergate in the fourth quarter of 2022, thanks to the collapse of FTX, as nervous clients sought to get their money back. SG had to sell it's bonds at a loss to be able to pay their clients, and saw their funds halved from $30 billion to $15 billion. They made a loss of $1 billion thanks to the Federal bond value falling. Ouch! Not only that, their links with FTX are being investigated by the Department Of Justice.
So they decided to liquidate, repay all their clients and shut up shop.
Truly, FTX have the Sadim touch.
There's more to this tale, which I'll tell you about tomorrow.
"The Sea Of Sand'
The Doctor has managed to get into the bio-vore's desert stronghold alive and undetected, and is making a beeline for the TARDIS, which they had laid hand upon.
A few glass darts were fired at
him, only for the firing to cease immediately: there were too many bio-vores
present to have loose shards flying around.
For the same reasom no stunners were used. Agility, a swiftness of pace and skill at
rugby enabled him to duck and weave for over a minute as the ailens chased and
tried to corrall him.
Coming
to a dead stop, the Doctor was hit by a solid knot of bio-vores, bowled over
and pounced upon. For all that, what
really caused him to feel dismayed was the absence of the TARDIS, no longer
resident on the platform.
It
was gone.
Lord
Excellency Sur gloated as he stepped off the trans-mat platform, looking behind
him at the big blue box.
Physically
transcendentant! A five dimensional
object huge on the inside, compact on the outside. Alien, far beyond the technology of the
aliens resident on Target World Seventeen.
With
a short start of surprise, he realised the detachment on guard duty at the
trans-mat here on Homeworld was far larger than normal. And one of his peers, Lord Excellency Url,
stood in attendance at the control console.
‘Thank
you for deigning to wait on me,’ chaffed Sur, swirling his cape. ‘What honour do I have to thank for your
presence?’
Url stared unamusedly at the new arrival and his big blue box.
Hmmmm I think Sur is in for an unpleasant experience*.
Conrad Cackled Crazily
If you have been living atop a pillar in the desert for the past couple of years, you might not know that the South Canadian voting machine company Dominion have sued Fox News for $1.6 billion in a defamation case. Most recently the legal discovery process brought to light voluminous e-mail and text correspondence from Fox News presenters and the owner of Fox himself, Rupert Murdoch. Art!
These all have a common theme: that Prez Trump's allegations of voter fraud were baseless <insert swear here> and none of them believed it. HOWEVER that's the complete opposite of what they broadcast.
Fox's lawyers have been wriggling like a worm on a hook, trying to get the case dismissed, quoting the First Amendment, trying to get the case dismissed, re-quoting the First Amendment, to no avail. People have suggested Fox settle out of court.
Nope. Dominion want their day in court, and they are going to get it. Even if Fox agree to settle for the $1.6 billion, Dominion are still going to get their day in court, because they want judicial revenge, and they will get it. Art!
A D.V.S.
The thing is, this isn't the end of the bad news for Fox. Smartmatic, another voting machine manufacturer, has a suit for $1.6 billion against Fox, and when (not if) Dominion wins, Smartmatic might get a summary judgement without needing to go to trial.
Bring on a dustbin of popcorn!
Finally -
Lunchtime has arrived! Yesteryon Wonder Wifey dug a tub of Something Stew out of the freezer, which was obviously one of mine, except neither of us knew what it was, since it had been there for months and months. We left it out to thaw so I'm going to heat it and eat it. It can only have matured and got better in the meantime, right?
* Actuall I know he is, I just like to keep you in suspense.
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