Because We All Know It's Coming
You should surely know the BOOJUM! charter by now: Tanks, atom bombs and zombies. We've even had a zombie driving a tank during atomic warfare between NATO zombies and Warsaw Pact zombies, which was - different.
What brings this topic up today? O I thought you'd never ask! A vlog from Watchmojo on Youtube, actually, where they had the Mythbusters team testing what weapon is better against hordes of revs - axe or firearm? Art!
This is, admittedly, a little abstract, but what they were looking for was a scenario that enabled comparison. Here you have Adam, wielding a giant foam axe, before the revs all swarm and attack him. Art!
Adam gets savaged
Adam managed to off 14 zeds before getting offed himself. Enter Jamie, armed with a single-action pistol and a shot gun. He only offed 7 shamblers before getting gnawed to the bone. Thus, initial conclusion was that Axe = Better.
Jamie gets jumped
HOWEVER the fans - and Conrad, who is King Of Pedantic Hair-Splittery - disagreed with this conclusion, for several reasons. Let us enumerate, because you need to take these facts into account when planning for the ZA.
1) Adam was using a giant FOAM axe. The real thing masses considerably more and means you'd get tired after swinging it repeatedly. Some people pointed out how likely it was that an axe would stick in the skulls of afflicted revs, to which others replied that they could well be aged zombies with a significantly weakened skull. It probably balances out. Art!
One unmentioned, positive, fact about using an axe is that they are silent. Er - so I'm told. Obviously Adam couldn't use the real thing in this test.
2) Jamie was using a single-action pistol that needed to be re-cocked after each shot. There is no denying that a revolver like this is more reliable than a semi-automatic that fires every time you pull the trigger, but it only carries six rounds, rather than the fifteen or twenty in standard 9mm handguns. Art!
He was also using a pump-action shotgun, which is a nice simple weapon that even the vision-impaired and quivery can use to good effect at short range, because you don't need to be too accurate.
One unmentioned, negative, fact about using firearms is that these things are LOUD, meaning every time you use one you are, in fact, ringing the zombie's dinner bell.
3) The environment is as unfavourable as you can get. Both testers are surrounded by a ring of zeds, so their Stand-And-Die tactic is the worst possible option. Both should be seeking to create a gap in the perimeter to escape. Or they should have obstacles to impede the walking dead from getting close. They are on horizontal ground, same as the bimblers, when common sense would say 'Get to higher ground'. Art!
Taunting them is a little unwise.
4) Passive Protection. So, so many people who fall victims to the
revs would have survived if only they’d paid attention to Conrad’s zombie opus “Revelations”, which he might post up at some point in the future. The Home Office have sent out a few polite requests about becoming a consultant on the subject matter, but the pay's not good.
ANYWAY neither of our Mythbuster mentors are correctly dressed. They are, in fact, committing the original sin as seen in "Army Of The Dead*". Art!
BARE SKIN!
You need a boilersuit, gaffer-taped where it meets the boot, and where it meets the gloves, worn with a scarf and a motorcycle helmet. If you adopt this haute couture, your chances of survival, even if overwhelmed, increase by several quanta.
5) Lone-Hero Brain-fart. Because these two people are out, alone, probably doing no more than crossing their fingers against detection. No backup. No support. No cavalry. This is venturing into the film trope of O I'll Just Go Explore This Unlit Cellar Emitting Strange Noises On My Own Without Telling Anyone. Teamwork, people, teamwork!
Korean Cookery Continues
Tonight's evening meal was Japchae, which looks like a proper Asian meal when in the bowl. Conrad is taking this cooking lark so seriously I have ordered a Korean cookery book, because squinting at my scrawl on a sheet of A5 paper is a stretch. I also came across a PDF on Korean cookery last night which has 82 pages of historical and gustatorial preamble before getting down to the recipes. Art
Not sure how good this will be as some recipes call for "0.5 Ml of Mirin", which you'd need to measure with an eye-dropper.
ANYWAY whilst I was ordering from Abebooks - how I have missed thee, sweet Abebooks! - what cropped up on "Alice**"? Art!
 |
| "Kim Chi Fried Rice Bacon Roll Recipe" |
"The Sea Of Sand"
The Italian Camionistas at Mersa Martuba are coming off a poor second against their alien attackers. But, plucky Hom. Sap. that they are, they're not giving up.
Tenente Dominione bit his thumb longwise,
squeezing it hard and making blood run onto the front of his uniform without
noticing.
Pretoro
and Costanzo between them had forced the first enemy tank to a halt.
In fact, Pretoro’s cannon seemed to have done damage to the monsters and
their sinister carriage. It no longer
moved.
On
the debit side of the exchange, neither of the two car’s occupants were still
conscious.
Movement
at the side of the stalled enemy vehicle caught his eye and attention. Big figures, bigger than any human, filed out
of the motionless tank. Three metres
tall, at least.
Soldiers. Hung about with that amount of gear,
harnessed like that, moving in disciplined columns, they had to be
soldiers. Several were obviously
wounded, victims of gunfire that had penetrated the side of their
transport. Good!
Alongside
one of the stacks of supplies, Dominione also caught another flurry of
movement. What in the name of the Holy
Virgin was that?
Sergente
Cappricio! Twisting to look at the rear
of the command car revealed a lack of Cappricio.
Briefly and absurdly Dominione
wondered if the NCO hadn’t gone to the
aliens to surrender to them and betray the plan, for what it was.
No,
of course not. A small fiery spark
soared into the air from where the NCO stood, arcing over piles of supplies to
land in the depot’s stores, followed by another, which broke on the immobilised
first tank, and another and the last one, which broke on an alien, who shrieked
and writhed – the axle grease stuck to the monster’s skin, Dominione was glad
to notice, and burnt it badly, before it’s comrades put the flames out.
Ah yes, the only non-potable drink ever - Molotov Cocktails
"I'm Not Looking For A New England"
Thus sang musical troubadour Billy Bragg, more years ago than I care to count. I liked the bloke, he had a way with words and liked driving tanks. Art!
Let us now abruptly switch narrative tracks and bring in Kyle, the South Canadian who posts on Youtube under 'Geography King'. His vlog on the "10 Worst Towns In America" is well worth a watch; Conrad considers it comes in under the title "Grim Yet Interesting". Art!
Conrad has heard this phrase so many times without realising exactly where it was. Those South Canadian states you might wonder about are: Maine; New Hampshire; Vermont; Maryland; Rhode Island and Connecticut. Thanks to constant exposure to South Canadian comics at an early age I can tell you that Rhode Island, the smallest state in the whole of South Canada, has a motto of "Good things come in small packages".
Finally -
Not sure if this is Politics or Finance, but the South Canadian Supreme Court has declined to intervene in Citizen Donald Trump's appeal to them that his tax records not be released to the Ice Cream Bandit's committee. Given that Citizen Trump has spent 6 years trying to avoid his tax details being released to anyone anywhere ever, one wonders 1) What delaying tactic he will now try and 2) What on earth is he scared of? Emoluments from the Daleks. Got to be.
* I still love it to bits.
** Sork time-travel drama. Nothing to do with Lewis Carroll.
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