"Kilburn Spit"
Then I'm sure many of you out there would consider this to be part of the "Set In Scotland" theme that we've been pushing of late. You know, where parts of Scotland's scenery or architecture have stood in for other locations. Conrad not sure if Edinburgh Castle has stood in for anywhere else as it's prettttty recognisable in it's own right. Art!
"Journey to the Centre of the Earth"
Here we witness the incomparable James Mason - Mister Received Pronunciation Personified - absent-mindedly walking up to the Castle and interrupting a pipe band on the way.
This is, of course - obviously! - utter twaddle, because a real pipe band would unceremoniously trample you into the pavement as they marched over your broken, bloodied body. Seriously, there are tourists in London who have to be physically dragged out of the way of the Guards when they march past, because a South Canadian tourist being killed by Size Fourteen Hobnail Boot would be a bit of a diplomatic crisis. Art!
Revenge for 1776
Where were we?
O yes - 'Kinburn Spit'. Okay, I can tell you that it's not a geographical feature in Scotland.
'Ewwwww!' I hear you respond. 'A disgusting Caledonian habit, then?'
Not at all true. No, the geographical feature I describe is in Ukraine. Art!
The thin pointy bit with a red circle on it.
What is Your Humble Scribe blithering on about? Well, a couple of days ago Ukrainian soldiers crossed from territory they controlled onto the Kilburn Spit, and they posted videos about it on Twitter. This is rather a big thing, because the Ukrainians are shot-hot on 'OpSec' or The Art Of Keeping Quiet What Needs To Be Kept Quiet. If they allowed these videos up then they thoroughly approve of them. Art!
It's not clear if these boats are the ones from earlier doing a shuttle-run, although that would make sense, otherwise you'd need infinite inflatable dinghies. There are at least half-a-dozen in the full video.
That's not all. Another video clip had a rorting, snorting amphibious vehicle getting onto shore after travelling over water. Art!
Note the other tracks from earlier incursions. The Ukrainians are up to summat, but are being characteristically tight-lipped about exactly what it is.
Further to this, it would seem that the Ruffians have left a very large 'buffer zone' between their delicate hides and the north bank of the Dnepro. For one thing, the north bank is a lot higher than the south bank, so the Ukrainians automatically have an observation advantage. Thus there is anything up to 10 miles between the riverbank and the nearest Borc. Art!
This is the town of Oleshky, filmed by a Ruffian who was doing 80 m.p.h. in order to escape - sinister invading tentacle monsters? At any rate, during his frantic filming, there's no sign of civilians, Ruffians, Ruffian military equipment nor Ruffian flags. Conrad was struck by that "Twilight Zone" episode "Where Is Everybody", where Earl Holliman's character finds himself utterly solo in a mid-Western South Canadian town, all the surroundings hinting that everyone else left mere minutes previously - Art!
Here an aside. Hey, I waited!
I've seen the first five minutes of the above episode but never knew how it ended. Now I know, and *
If you squint hard you can see Earl stage left.
So, things are afoot on the Kinburn Spit. Quite what remains to be seen. The Ukrainians, after all, have proven to be consummate masters of deception and must have thoroughly studied the strategic, operational and tactical libraries you and I know as "The Outer Limits". Art!
BOOJUM! Reviews Shizzle
I am being deliberately vague here as I've no idea if what I'm reviewing is a film, television series, computer game or musical. It's a bit hard when you only see the bus poster for a few seconds. Don't forget our rules: 1) We go solely off the title and 2) We generalise wildly.
"Save Our Squad": No.
For one, this looks as if it's about the ballfoot game, which Conrad has no interest in, beyond the comments posters make on the BBC's Have Your Say pages. For two, if you require my help, then you're in trouble so deep you need a lifebelt and a coastguard. Art!
The root cause of 90% of the trouble in the world
"She Said": Did she? How excruciatingly dull. Who on earth green-lit a ninety minute monologue? Is this a tax write-off? Art!
Stand back! Lest ye be trampled.
"The Peripheral": The peripheral WHAT? Is it a scanner? A mouse? A second monitor screen? Who gets paid to come up with these ridiculously abstract titles? Can you see audiences thinking to themselves 'O let's go and see a film about peripherals, because they're all the rage now'. NO YOU CANNOT! Art?
BAH!Nice hairclips, miss
More Of The Scabby South Canadian Underbelly
Courtesy of Kyle and his Youtube channel "Geography King" which is never less than interesting. Having covered urban and rural poverty, he now goes on to cover 'Strange'. He states not in the way of places like Key West - Art!
Note gap in roadway
- but in a creepy and unsettling way. First place is actually two places: Hildale City in Utah and Colorado City in - Colorado. It's really one city that crosses the state line and is where the fundamentalist wing of the Mormons lives. It's not as bad now as it used to be, but Kyle still describes it as creepy. You can tell the church members since they all look the same, wear the same clothes and have the same hairstyles. Art!
At one point the Mayor's office, county administration, the courts and the police were all cult members. The the cult leader was arrested for multiple sexual assaults and is now in prison, though it took years for his influence to wane. Art!
One of those places where you wind your car windows up and keep moving.
"The Sea Of Sand"
Things have begun to kick off at the captured British supply base at Mersa Martuba.
Crews came out of the few huts where they had sheltered from the chilly desert night, whilst drivers started and revved engines. The Tenente raced up the ladder to the observation platform he'd been watching from last night, seeing a dozen black vehicles heading over the desert gravel directly at Mersa Martuba. Motor transport? They looked more like tanks, or tracked vehicles at least.
"Binoculars - and can you stop making that hideous noise?" he snapped at the sentry, who sheepishly stopped cranking and handed over the binoculars looted from the British. "Get down to your section."
These vehicles were much larger than their destroyed relatives lying around the depot, and sported a large, shallow turret on top of a big, boxy hull, the whole thing easily as big as a Fiat 10-ton truck. Because of the angle they were approaching from, he couldn't see if there were any gun barrels projecting from the turrets.
Sections One, Two and Three were already heading away to spread out over the desert, making a less obvious target than if they had been concentrated together in Mersa Martuba. Caporale Pontecorvo's Sahariana in Section One lagged behind the other three cars of the section, indicating the engine trouble the vehicle had experienced whilst they crossed the desert earlier hadn't been fixed.
Battle is joined!
The Last From "Set In Scotland"
I'm not going to bother with "Braveheart" because that one seems a bit obvious and the Beeb's picture is only of Pictish warriors eager to drink English blood. Art!
"Avengers Infinity War"
This is Cockburn Street in Edinburgh, with the set dressers and prop people creating a fictional takeaway. Conrad unsure what language "Husnu" is supposed to be and I know, no umlauts over my "u" - I can't be bothered looking for them in Symbols. Sue me.
Finally -
We're a bit over the Adjusted Compositional Ton, so let's call it a day, hmmm?
* It was a sensory-deprivation experiment.
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