You May Recognise This Slightly Censored Phrase
From "The Italian Job", which Conrad has seen bits of, yet never the whole film. It famously ends with a literal cliffhanger, which, if Art will put down his bowl of coal -
Here's where the phrase gets used:
Of course - obviously! - this wouldn't be BOOJUM! if we didn't immediately change the subject, which will be how badly the Ruffians messed up before they invaded Ukraine, as by now all four wheels have fallen off their wagon and the steering wheel's come loose. I may have listed these separately, which is Conrad-Code for "I can't be bothered to check".
MONEY: Peter The Average squirreled away $600 billion as part of a foreign exchange fund, which he'd been accumulating for years if not decades. However, completely contradicting his supposed reputation as a 3D chess wizard, $300 billion was held in Western banks. This money was immediately frozen and neither Ruffia nor the Gremlin In The Kremlin will see a single kopek of it. Conrad confidently predicts it will go to Ukraine for reconstruction. Art!
Easily as much as 48 penceworth
INTELLIGENCE: Bloaty Gas Tout lives in an information bubble, where he is told what people think he wants to hear, which is radically different from the truth. The bootlickers around him have been culled of anyone brave, stupid or brave and stupid enough to use the "N" word to him. Thus anything that the FSB had gleaned and garnered about Ukraine's ability or will to resist would be progressively sanitised the higher went. "Will fight to the death for their country" is therefore transformed into "Will greet us with bread, salt and flowers". Art!
Biter bit
FIFTH COLUMN: The FSB was given a budget of billions of roubles in order to create a network of spies and saboteurs within Ukraine. The idea was that these people would rise up and carry out acts of domestic terrorism when the invasion began. With the possible exception of the Antonivka Bridge not being demolished, this network simply didn't exist. However, a lot of FSB officers now have holiday villas in Italy and drive Rolls Royce Corniches. Because there was never going to be an invasion, right?
NO C-I-C: This one is utterly ludicrous. No overall Commander In Chief? This is elementary strategy and the Petrol Pimp ought to have appointed one months before the invasion began. Instead he waited for two months. This leads into -
NO PLAN: There seemed to be have been only one thing planned: seize Hostomel Airport. That was it. And it failed completely. Everywhere else it was "Advance and we'll automatically win". There was no co-ordination across any of the commands. Supposedly there was an amphibious assault planned on Odesa, which Lukashenko (the Belarus version of Putler) gave away on live TV before it was carried out. With friends like that ...* Art!
INSUFFICIENT NUMBERS: The Ruffians invaded with about 190,000 men. They also had the mobilised Donbas separatist militias, bringing their total up to about 250,000 in total.
However - and you knew that word was coming, didn't you? - about 40,000 of this total were the completely useless Rosgvardia, whose skill-set is in beating, torturing and imprisoning unarmed civilians. And although 250,000 sounds like a lot, for an attacking force to stand any chance of success, it needs to outnumber the defenders by 3:1. The Ruffians needed an army at least three times the size of the one they were going to invade with. They were also spread out over a front line of 1,000 miles. Art!
Now hiding in a bunker in the Ural Mountains
LOGISTICS: We now know how badly the Ruffians are at supplying anything to anyone, anywhere. This is because their logistics is based on using a rail network, and the Ukrainians had cross-border railway bridges wired for demolition. A Ruffian division cannot operate more than ninety miles from a railhead; Kyiv is over a hundred miles from the border. The Kerch Bridge was always going to be an obvious logistics bottleneck, even when intact.
WEATHER & TERRAIN: Another howler. Deciding to invade during the spring "Rasputitsa", where ground previously frozen into a cross between granite and iron turns into mush three feet deep, was a profoundly stupid idea. It's not like the Ruffians didn't know about this, it was one of the things that helped slow the Nazis down in the Second Unpleasantness. One can only guess at the inner dialogue of the generals being told by Putin On The Fritz that the invasion starts tomorrow. Art!
Like I said, this is all before they actually fired a shot.
Last Night's Cooking
Conrad's Korean Kulinary Kwest Kontinues. Yesteryon it was "Japchae", which is a variety of stir fry with noodles instead of rice. Art!
It was pretty tasty and it even looks Asian. The recipe proved to be sufficient for at least three people and even a hog like Conrad couldn't finish it all. I now have a choice of three different sets of Korean leftovers. O woe.
More Of "Set In Scotland"
You know, the guide book detailing films shot in Scotland. Can't beat Caledonia for a bit of beautiful if bleak landscape. Art!
Unless you've been living on the Moon, you will recognise this as "Skyfall" and it was filmed at Glen Etive. Evocative indeed, and the sky does seem to have fallen down a bit.
"The Sea Of Sand"
With native cunning and a dab of luck, the Doctor and his fellow-prisoner, Sorbusa, have just escaped from their prison cell.
"Come on!" hissed the Doctor with urgency. "Those sounds may have alerted Sur."
"Where do we travel to?" asked Sorbusa.
"The trans-mat platform we arrived on."
Sorbusa managed the backward bend of surprise very well out in the open.
"Do lead on," he said, concealing any other emotion. Thedoctor took his co-operation for granted, apparently. Not a misguided assumption. Sorbusa realised that his stature, let alone his heretic status, meant he would instantly stand out from the local population. They would rapidly discover who and what he was, and then they would kill him. Why not try to escape such a fate and - the concept of 'might is not right' - somehow that concept just wouldn't go away.
Their escape seemed a little anti-climactic. No sirens sounded, no Warriors scrambled to intercept them, no patrols scoured the desert wastes. At the urging of the Doctor, they made for the shoreline and the wastes of weeds there.
"High-yield algae," explained the Doctor. "Not native. I - urk!" and he dived underneath the slimy green slick when bio-vores moved along the shores, only emerging when the landscapes were empty again.
Things are cooking on Gas Mark 1 and 3/4!
Finally -
As with yesteryon, I took Edna for a trot earlier than usual, whilst it was still daylight, because given that the skies were clearing for the first time today, and that it's Sunday, and yesterday was an exceedingly wet Bonfire Night, I expected a lot of fireworks tonight after dark. In fact it's not been too bad, since I was anticipating a re-enactment of the barrage at El Alamein. Which amounted to about 800 guns, not the 1,000 of legend.
* Or - did he do it deliberately to help Ukraine? Conrad wonders
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