The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!

Yes, I Thought THAT Would Get Your Attention

It's a film, not a warning about the Sovie - I beg your pardon, the Ruffian - hordes pouring through the Fulda Gap as they take on NATO as the Cold War turns exceedingly hot.  We have mentioned it before, but I cannot track down the link, so - a little precis.  Art!

     Briefly put, a Sinister submarine manages to strand itself off the coast of Massachusets, then sends parties ashore to try and get it re-floated, leading to invasion panic.  O - found the link -

BOOJUM!: Hoots! 'Tis Aboot Thae Sproots! (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

      Be careful, whoever wrote that has an unsound mind.  Plus not all of the photo links work

    ANYWAY  there is an armed confrontation between sub crew and citizens, which can only end in tears - Art!

Alan Arkin, an absolute gem

     A slight aside here - AA learned his Russian from a Georgian, so any Ruffian viewer of this cinematic treat thought he must be Georgian, as you can pick out the accent.  I take this on trust as, believe me, I cannot discern a Saint Petersburg accent from a Siberian one.

     ANWYAY- just testing to see if you were awake - at the climax a small child is in mortal peril of falling from the top of the church tower - Art!

The very church

     The Sinister crew, being utter marshmallows when it comes to kids, all flock to help and form a human pyramid, atop which Alexei (played by the enormous British actor John Philip Law) snags the kid dangling by his belt, bringing him back to safety.  HOORAY!  Swords into ploughshares and all that - except the USAF are beetling towards town, grimly determined to end the Commie Invasion That Wasn't.  However, by the time they arrive the Sinister Sub 'Sproot' (honestly, I'm not making this up, it means 'Octopus') has a close escort flotilla of every boat in the harbour, so the flyboys abort their attack.

     The film dates from 1966, back at the height (or should that be depth?) of the Cold War and was exceptional in showing Ruffians in a good light.  Surprisingly enough, neither the South Canadian nor the Sinister navy were interested in supplying a functional submarine.  Odd, that.

     Okay, there we go, proof that BOOJUM! is not inherently anti-Ruffian.  Don't get complacent, Tsar Poutine, you aren't safe from our ferocious satire*.

     

Conrad Is (As Usual) ANGRY!

O so angry!  That is, angrier than usual.  And yes, it's those Dog Buns! Codeword compilers again.  I think mercifully avoiding radioactive annihilation for a few days has led to an air of complacency.  Hang on, let me just bring out the Remote Nuclear Detonator -

<repeated loud banging noises ensue>

     There we go.  Keep your eyes peeled for job adverts requiring 'lexicographical skills' in the next few days.  Let my jaundiced analysis begin.

"AFFIDAVIT":  You what?  Does this have a French origin?  If not then I bet it's Latin.  My Collins Concise defines it as: "A declaration in writing made upon oath before a person authorised to administer oaths" and yes, Latin.  How the law loves Latin!  They ought to get married and have a baby.  My own oaths about using this solution have <checks> yes, they've blistered paint off the radiator.  Art!

A Davit. Close enough.

"AEGIS": A five-letter word with three vowels, none repeated?  I think I broke the Remote Nuclear Detonator or I'd be hammering it like a piano keyboard.  My CC defines it as: "Sponsorship or protection, typically used in 'Under the aegis of'.  It is also the name of Zeus's shield, I hope he got a patent for it, because Your Humble Scribe is more familiar with it as - Art!

A missile system

     Kudos to whomever dreamed that up as a product title.  Even if they were probably a horrid swot who tool lessons in Greek and Latin.

"SAPID":  Er what?  Conrad has never come across this word before, and had to guess that it might be a derivation of, or come from, "SAPIENT".

     Conrad was wrong! My CC defines it as, pretty simply, "Having a pleasant taste".  THAT IS NOT WHAT I HAVE IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW.  Hello?  Is that the RND Service Desk?  I need you to come out and perform a fix right now.

 

Probably sapid

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

If you ever have to ask this question, expect fire and brimstone descending upon you in epic quantities.  Conrad, because he always has a notebook and pen to hand, made a note on a Youtube Reddit channel about 'Well that escalated quickly', concerning the Dazexiang Revolt of 209 BC.  This was during the Qin dynasty, who appear to have been a species of bottomhole.  Legend has it that a military force was trying to reach it's destination, but was prevented by flooding en route, to the point that they would have arrived late.  Art!

     Arriving late at a position under the Qin meant the death penalty.  O well, shrugged their commander: what's the penalty for rebellion?  Death as well.  Bit of a no-brainer, really.  Death or death?  Why I'll have a side-order of rebellion with death, thanks.  They ended up getting killed but provoked a huge peasant rebellion in the process.  And that wasn't the end of matters ...

Bring On The Empty Hearses

Only joking!  No, this is one of the penultimate extracts from "Tormentor", which absolutely nobody has commented on, so you must all love it.  Love love love it.  Even if it is rather dark.

Jerking free of Louis, he staggered backwards and hit a chair, falling to the floor.

               ‘Please,’ he whimpered.  ‘What’s going on?’

               ‘You’re not going mad,’ soothed Louis.  ‘Yvonne is a spirit.  I can interact with them, unlike normal human beings.  Because you were in contact with me whilst I was in contact with Yvonne, you are able to see her.  It only lasts a week or two and then you’re back to normal.’

               Dave stared between the two of them, then fainted.

 Since Dovecote Park was miles away, they needed Dave to drive, which meant waiting until he regained consciousness, then preventing him from running physically through the French windows or the front door to escape, then trying to inform him about the world of the immaterial.  And all in the space of three minutes.

               ‘So Heaven and Hell are real?’ he asked for the fourth time en route to his Ford Escort.  ‘And God and the Devil and angels and demons?’

               ‘I didn’t get an instruction manual,’ replied an exasperated Louis.  ‘I’ve had to piece this together bit by bit.  Spirits are earthbound.  Where they go once they Move On depends on their goodness in life and after.’

               ‘Messengers, not angels,’ added Yvonne.

               Dave’s car smelt of leather, sweat and tobacco.  Louis shut his eyes when climbing inside.

               ‘So it’s like karma,’ continued Dave.  ‘If you do good, then you’ll end up in heaven.  If you’re a complete *******, you go to hell.’

               ‘I think it’s more complicated than that, but you’ve got the basics there.’

               After that Dave fell silent.  Clearly he suffered from a guilty conscience.

     Luma shutting his eyes is a subtle referral to the car crash that put him in a coma and killed his wife and daughter.  He does not like travelling in cars, and you can't blame him.

Finally -

Here Your Humble Scribe holds forth as if he know what he's talking about with regards to what's going on in Ukraine.  One Youtube channel claimed that the Ruffians, strapped for soldiers, are considering 'conscripting' local Ukrainian males into their shambolic army.  Their lack of manpower is a real thing, because they cannot mobilise reserve forces unless a state of war exists.  Whereas what we have now is only a 'Special' Military Operation.  Thus the very heavy casualties they have been suffering since 24/02/2022 cannot easily be replaced, which is why they have resorted to the Chechen Tik-Tok soldiers - rubbish in action, look good in a video, at least to anyone completely ignorant of military matters.  Art!

Hairy not scary

  Conrad's guesstimate about Ruffian casualties is an average of 1,000 per day, which probably reduced when they ran away - sorry "Retreated Entirely According To Plan" from Kyiv, but which has ramped up again with their Donbass offensive.  After 57 days - we are looking at about 19,000 dead and 38,000 wounded.  This is quite plausible, since the Ukes are insisting on 21,000 dead and they are quite  inevitably going to over-estimate and exaggerate.  Over 25% of the original invasion force are now casualties, there is no end in sight and - remind me, who planned this SMO?

     Your Honour, I rest my case.

*  I keep telling you it isn't Politics, it's SATIRE.