Yes, I Thought That Would Attract Your Attention
It certainly attracted mine. In case you were unaware, this seems to be a theme on Youtube, where a vast quantity of lions are pitted against an existential threat, like all the Pokemonks - not sure who or what they are - or, as in this case, against the sun. Art!
I know, I know, it looks like an angry slug versus an anthropomorphic lemon. Don't quibble with me, I didn't draw either of them, and the chap who does the video is more into rational mathematical and scientific analysis than getting his wretched daubs correct. Hang on - Art!
There. Happier now? So glad. He works out the approximate mass of one trillion lions (hereafter 1TL) and projects what would happen if this minor planetoid of leonine matter were flung at the sun.
Shock and awe, not a lot. It's a comparatively very small object and of course - obviously! - the sun renders it into plasma pretty much instantly. Eklectic, the video creator, then works out how many lions you would need to create a gigantic spherical mass of such colossal gravitational potential that it collapses into a black hole and destroys the sun, which itself destroys the entire solar system as planets fly off into outers space or suffer the death of all plant-life. Without being able to get a tan, either. Art!
Starless and bible black
Of course - obviously! - Conrad had a different take on this, because his mind works in different and interesting ways from the rest of you*.
"One trillion lions, hmmmm? Welllllllll, if you were to catapult them at the sun one at a time, you're not going to get anywhere, are you?" I mused. "Perhaps a more effective way would be to have a column of 1TL, nose to tail, and you RAMMED it into the sun at a fraction of the speed of light. I bet that would disturb the photosphere!" Art!
I have to use this, there are so few pictures of 1TL
Conrad is unsure what on earth (or sun) the result of this would be, as you don't find physicists studying 1TL/sun impact interactions, much. A niche field. Though initially my idea was that of a spherical englobement of the sun, a shell of 1TL around it. I'd have to sub-contract to geeky maths nerds to see if it's possible to form a lion-shell around the sun with 1TL, and if you could, how deep it would be. Not very deep, one suspects.
'And then what?' I hear you query.
Why, you instantly compress the shell against the sun. It would, too, doubtless be instantly snuffed out <sad face> by the raging corona of our nearest star.
Ah, but - what if you had an Instant 1TL Generating Machine, able to create and deploy and compress instantly another shell of 1TL? Yes yes yes, we are stretching the boundaries of probability and credulity, but it's my Intro and we're doing it my way. You could launch infinite waves of 1TL at the sun, and would eventually snuff it out, with every planet in the solar system miles deep in roast lion chops.
Okay, if you don't want to have me come up with silly solutions, don't come up with silly questions.
O - Pokemons - I see now!
Monk, poking
I Bet Tom Meighan Never Expected This
Yes, Kasabian - are they still going? - had a song with the title "Ladies And Gentlemen, Roll The Dice" and Your Humble Scribe thought of this whilst reading several ghastly recounts from South Canadian casino staff about the worst things they had seen in their vocation. Art!
What lies beneath
Of course - obviously! - gamblers lose money at casinos, that's why they exist and keep on going, except some people go waaaaaay too far and lose everything. In which case at least five staff recounted how penniless punters had committed suicide by jumping from the co-located 'parking garage' as they termed it. It probably takes an event like this before they put up screening. One Redditor mentioned the Genting mountain-top casino in Malaysia, where the crash barriers on the side of the road were massively reinforced to prevent penniless punters trying to end it all. Art!
Pretty sure this is it
Conrad has never set foot in a casino, and never intends to, but is pretty sure you will see the most extremes of good and bad behaviour within them.
Bring On The Blue
And cheer us up after that last item. Art!
Courtesy Guhesh Ramanathan
This is a night dive off the Andaman Islands, which is not a thing Conrad would undertake because you can't see what might be sneaking up on you. Props on Guhesh for both undertaking and enjoying it. Whatever floats your boat I suppose** and literally into the Deep Blue Yonder.
Bring On "Tormentor"!
Because that item above is quite enough for the bonhomie. If you recall, Luma had been plotting and planning on how to tackle the evil spirits that were homing in on him.
‘Ah
– speaking of television – is “
Louis was abruptly recalled from
vistas of electronically-enhanced pursuit and vengeance.
‘ “Corrie”? Why I believe it is. Good lord, you don’t want to watch it, do you!’ he guffawed.
‘I’ll have you know I used to
have walk-on parts on Corrie in the Seventies,’ sniffed the spirit. She was mollified instantly when Louis turned
television on and found the soap opera’s second half for that evening.
Arrogant ***! he chastised
himself. Even the Prof liked
television. Apologise to her.
‘Sorry for being so -’
‘Shhh!’ she hissed, having been
transported away by the programme.
It
might only have been his imagination. In
fact, since the windows had been ajar all day long, the smell that hung around
in his bedroom must have been imagination, a remnant of last night.
Nothing smells, came the pin-sharp if distant communication from
Yvonne, no longer present as a physical form.
At first he worried this might be telepathy, or might be if he hadn’t
been wrinkling his nose in obvious disgust.
He spent several minutes staring
at the corner of the bedroom where the monstrous Margrave had oozed and slimed
and stunk. A shadowy stain running down
the wall proved to be holy water he’d used to destroy the evil spirit, the
fluid now having soaked into both wallpaper and plaster beneath.
‘Great. I’m trying to think of a famous ghost-hunter
who suffers from rising damp thanks to holy water.’
Van
Helsing?
‘He hunted vampires, not ghosts. Or did you mean the film?’
The film, with that wonderfully tasty Australian man.
‘Yvonne! I think you’ve been looking at him in a “very
calculating manner”!’
An air of slight embarrassment
pervaded the bedroom.
That can't be, can it? Spirits can't get - well, perhaps they can. We shall see! Or at least you will, I already know the ending because I cheated and read ahead.
Finally -
Ruffians being careless again. Yes! You are at that part of the blog where we mercilessly flog Dimya as he self-medicates with grog. Whilst eating frog. Or was it a dog? No, no, almost certainly a frog. Definitely not a log, they are notoriously tasteless.
ANYWAY I wanted to point out that another Ruffian general has been lost in Ukraine. What are we at now, seven or eight? I lose track. The reason is that there are two levels of soldiers in the Ruffian ranks: Generals and grunts. The Grunts don't dare do anything without explicit written permission in AT LEAST triplicate, confirmed over radio and with an officer from the FSB there to check on their political reliability. This means if they encounter a speedbump on the road to Kyiv they have to halt and explain up the chain of command that they've 'Encountered serious tactical problems'. In peacetime they'd get a stern radio message to remove finger and press brake pedal; in wartime their General has to get off his waffle-patterned bottom and go look see - and encounters Uke sniper.
I shall go with eight Ruffian generals now taking a dirt nap, as this accords with one per week. Art!
Meet General Herbert Lumsden - yes, that Lumsden of the Desert War - who was one of 22 British generals killed in the Second World 'Special' Military Operation. Twenty-two generals over a period of six years. Perhaps that will put the Ruffian losses into perspective, because at current the Ruffian rate the British would have lost TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY TWO.
I think Sergei Shoigu is now snivelling more than Dimya, so it's time to ease off. Until tomorrow, pilgrims!
* Probably. Perhaps. Okay okay I don't know either.
** Ha! Do you see - O you do.
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