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Saturday, 2 April 2022

Hack In The USSR

No! This Is Nothing To Do With That Beatles Song

Although Conrad does enjoy it's amusingly malicious inversion of the usual Californian/South Canadian setting.  If Mister Lennon had actually experienced life in the USSR then he wouldn't have been singing a paean to it, believe me matey.  Although let us now inflict a picture of said song on the blog, so as to fool people into thinking today's title was a mere typo*.  Art!


     Okay, abrupt change of subject - do keep up! - and we now return to a progress report on Conrad's tome of choice at present, "Reclaiming History", as I have reached page 600, meaning only 900 left to go!  Art!

Tome with puny human for scale

     We still have to tackle the conspiranoid loonwaffle swivel-eyed theories in any depth.  Currently we are half-way into the life story of Lee Harvey Oswald, and still have another 129 pages to go.  Ol' Vince was nothing if not thorough.  

     ANYWAY at this point LHO - I think we'll call him 'Harve' from how on because he hated that nickname - had arrived in the Sinister Union, having defected, as he put it, from South Canada, because he loathed loathed loathed his birthplace and loved loved loved Communism.  Let me prod Art awake with this scalpel -

Harve in Minsk

     The Sinisters didn't know what to do with Harve, so they stuck him in an hotel and debated whether to let him stay in the USSR, whether he was genuine, or whether he was a CIA plant.  He had absolutely nothing to offer them, despite having spent years in the Marine Corps.  This being the USSR, the wheels of bureaucracy ran verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry slowly, to the point that Harve was running out of money and feeling O so sad.  So he made an attempt at cutting his wrist, which required as many as two or even as many as three stitches to treat at the hospital; it was a pretty half-hearted attempt, and is how we get today's wonderfully tasteless title.  Art!


     This threw the KGB, who were monitoring his every move, into a tizzy, since it would look bad in the world's press if they deported an injured man, especially if he had to be put on a plane by a couple of Ruffian bruisers, each of whom would have made two of Harve (he was a rather slight individual).

     So!  They made the decision to allow him to stay.  One wonders which gulag the people who made this decision ended up in after November 1963**.

     I think we'll come back to Harve in the Sinister Union, it's a fun tale.  Well, perhaps not exactly 'fun', more like a window on how utterly different that state was from South Canada, in good and bad ways.

     Motley!  Bring me a Polish czapka and a bottle of Bison vodka, I feel like acting slavic, yet not Ruffian for the time being.  Sto lat!



In Memoriam

Conrad happened to be wandering in the centre of Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell on Thursday, and passed by a set of stone memorials which were either new, or I walk around with my eyes shut.  One in particular caught my eye, so I took a photograph of it.  Art!


     It's not widely known that Perfidious Albion had troops in Italy during the First World 'Special' Military Operation, or even that Italy was involved in that conflict.  The reason the marker has '1915' is because the Italians maintained their treaties with the Teutons and Hapsburgs only applied if they were attacked, so they stayed out of things until the Allies bribed them with Hapsburg lands if they came in and were victorious.  That shadow at bottom starboard is Your Humble Scribe taking the picture.


Heaven's Above!

Yes, another look at those sites that look up with big telescopes.  Today it is Cloudcroft observatory, which was used by the South Canadian Air Force to detect and track objects in orbit, from satellites to space junk.  Art!


     Just visible at the building's edge is a housing for a 'sight gun', used to help resolve issues of azimuth and elevation when tracking space ghosts objects; ironically an artefact given by the South Canadian Navy.

     The Feds got rid of the observatory a couple of decades ago, which would often mean getting bulldozed - but not Cloudcroft!  O noes.  It is currently owned by a private astronomy organisation, Tzec Maun Foundation, who are probably up to unspeakably sinister things with telescopes.  Which is more exciting than simply doing astronomy.


Let's Have Another Sony Photograph

Look, it's not my fault there's no attribution for these photographs, I'd happily credit the taker were it not for Sony blanket claiming all of them for itself.  Art!


     This one is described as a 'murmuration' (not a word you ever expected to see today) of starlings over Lough Ennell in County Westmeath, and this murmuration seems to be mimicking a bird itself, kind of a double-whammy.


Ladling On The Torment

Yes, I bet you were waiting with unabated breath (like bated, except more so) for the next "Tormentor" extract.  Here it is.  You recall Luma had quite a nasty encounter with a verrrry hostile spirit in the previous extract, and here we have the aftermath.

Then, the creature vanished.  A chorus of barking dogs and wailing cats accompanied the departure.

               Louis slumped down into his computer chair, shaking with the after-effects of his encounter.  So much for not being hasty!  Damn, the thing must have over-exerted itself maintaining an exterior similar to that of the Professor while he avoided answering it’s questions.  Stripping off the ruined shirt, he went to the bathroom and washed his left upper arm where blood oozed and dripped from three long scratches.  He donned a tatty sweatshirt after smearing antiseptic onto the cuts.  Could you catch anything from a spirit, especially an evil one?

               There wasn’t even any whisky to calm his nerves.

               The air chilled briefly again and Yvonne appeared in the lounge.

               ‘Louis?  Are you alright?  I can’t locate the Professor and I worried about that feeling I had earlier.’

               Louis slumped on the settee.

               ‘Good job you mentioned your intuition.’  He told her the full story, which only made her more worried.

               ‘The Dark Ones must have the Professor under restraint, otherwise he could have turned up simultaneously with that imposter.’  She looked at Louis with a new respect.  ‘I’ve never heard of them doing that before.  You must trouble them!’

               ‘Wait a minute, I need to collect those silver balls.  Don’t want you treading on them.’

               It took several minutes to track both down, a process that Yvonne regarded with interest and concern.

               ‘Aren’t you the clever one!  I wonder if you destroyed it.’

               He shrugged.

               ‘I can’t tell.  I think it was supposed to find out what defences I had in here and about me, and report back to Dark Ones HQ with the info.  It vanished after the second time I got it, so it may have disintegrated or gone back home.’

     Conrad favours disintegrated.  After all, what do I know?


Finally -

I have been watching a video breakdown and analysis on Youtube of Ruffian VDV paratroopers taking part in the (failed!) assault on Hostomel airport, and, typically, can't find it again now I need a couple of screen clips.  However, here's a shot from the Ruffian-shot and approved and released film.  Art!


     The running chump and his mate two seconds behind him, both run in front of the chap lying prone with his gun pointed at the enemy WHICH YOU SHOULD NEVER DO!  Even Conrad, who has nil military experience, knows this.  It shows how inept these supposedly 'elite' troops are. Another observation - Art!


     - was that none of these 'elite' troops have any optics on their weapons.  The analyst, a former South Canadian army officer, describes these sights as 'game changers', and the Ruffians don't appear to have any of them.  However - you can purchase Ruffian military optics from slightly dodgy grey-market sites on the interweb, so it seems the usual Ruffian corruption has been at work.  You know you're scrotched when Airsoft players have better sights than you do.



*  IT WAS NOT.  THINK CAREFULLY ABOUT YOUR NEXT WORDS <finger poised over Remote Nuclear Detonator>

**  You know, after Harve ASSASSINATED KENNEDY.

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