Be Careful Interpreting That
Conrad, with his characteristic skip of a mind, recalls a scene from a dismally un-funny comedy back on television in the Seventies, "Casanova 73". The lead character, played by Leslie Philips - Art!
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| "Hilarious"? You could get done under the Trading Standards Act |
I think the "15" means that only viewers aged 15 or under will find it remotely funny ANYWAY there is our lead character, visiting a son (or some junior male relative) at a stuffy English public school, which as you all know are not at all public and are in fact very, very private. Said small male relative and others are involved with a variety of mischief, at which point Our Lead Character* asks 'who is keeping cave?' because you always need a lookout when deep-frying the school's guinea-pigs/welding stools to floor/substituting nitric acid for bottled water. Small male relative informs Our Lead Character that nobody is on look-out, they have CCTV for that. Because the Seventies were so technologically advanced**.
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| I think this is the very scene! (I'm so happy) |
You see, once again we are reduced to analysing that zombie language, Latin <hack spit>, since the word here is pronounced 'Kaivi', not 'Kaiv' - long 'E' don't you know. The Latin for "Beware!" being "cave". This is the only time Your Humble Scribe can remember it being used, although you might have to check all the old Saint Trinian's films to be sure. Don't bother with the modern remakes. Art!
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| The original |
ANYWAY none of this has to do with caves, although one wonders what the Romans called caves, and the kind of caves we are talking about here are the ones that people go spelunking in. Art!
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| Yeah. Except NO. |
That photo courtesy the Mine Exploration Society, whom we have addressed once or twice in the past. The mindset of people who do this for fun can only be wondered at. Martin Zero would love them.
ANYWAY I am on this topic because of Google, since yesteryon they had a peculiar graphic up on their normally bland search page. "Celebrating Son Doong" said the superscript when I rolled the cursor over it.
'Celebrating what?' I asked myself, and didn't get an answer, so off to Wiki we went.
Hmmmmm okay. We are talking about Hang Son Doong, which is Vietnamese for "Cave of the mountain river" because - you may be ahead of me here - it's a cave in a mountain that has a river running through it. It has been declared the largest natural cave in the world by no less an authority than the British Caving Research Association, so you can take that to the bank. Of course - obviously! - nothing is true unless there are pictures to prove it, so - Art!
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| With puny human for scale |
And below we have a schematic for the whole cave system. Art!
Conrad is unsure if you appreciate how Dog Buns enormous this cave system is, which makes it seem odd that it was only discovered in 2009, except not really. It is located in the trackless wilderness of the Vietnamese-Laotian border, where people have no reason to go and still less to linger. Art!
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| Lots of puny humans for scale |
And with that our Intro is done.
For Your Information
Conrad is now up to Page 718 of "Reclaiming History", so almost at the half-way stage, hooray! And we are still going over events, as there are another two hundred pages before we start dealing with conspiracy theories proper. I'm on the Lee Harvey Oswald section, and O my! what an unlikeable character he was. An anti-social loner with delusions of grandeur fond of beating his wife. I bet he passed the port to the right, as well, the dirty cur. Art!
Your Scribe Is Still Seethy
Even more so if Blogger's not loading pictures. Let's try again. Art!
Now it works. Okay, slightly less seethy than before yet still pretty Kreplach! at the Codeword compilers. Why so? O I thought you'd never ask!
"ALB": Nope, this isn't missing "ION" as you may expect, having had Conrad waffle on so frequently about "Perfidious Albion". Your Humble Scribe seems to remember it being a ceremonial censer as used in church ceremonies? Collins Concise to the rescue! Hmmm not very close: "A long white linen vestment with sleeves worn by priests and others". Art!
A alb
The name comes from Latin <hack spit> 'alba' which means 'white' and may thus explain Albania.
"ORIOLE": Of course - obviously! - Conrad, ever thinking with his stomach, imagines that this is a type of rissole or gnocchi, possibly a staple of South Canada's Creole cookery? CC to the rescue!
Ah. "A tropical Old World songbird having a long pointed bill and a mostly yellow and black plumage". Art!
Delicious in a pie
"POPPYCOCK": I think you can feel the enraged righteous venom rising in my spleen. An import from across The Pond, it comes from a Dutch word 'pappekak' which is too disgusting to translate. Art!
Have an advocaat instead
Having Experience Torment -
I am now going to dish a bit out, because I can and I'm vindictive like that.
‘Tell
me about the Margrave,’ he asked between sipping and chewing.
Margrave Von Appeldoorn of
Breitenbach: a Prussian Junker who enjoyed raping and murdering the female
Polish peasants on his estates. He had
encountered a musket ball in the Austro-Prussian battle of Koniggratz and
ceased to trouble the mortal world (mostly) in 1865. One of Morgan’s more senior lackeys, almost a
trusted henchman.
‘If Morgan stinks like his mate I
won’t have any trouble detecting him.’
‘The aura of profound moral
decay, dear chap,’ Tobin told him.
‘Which is why he appeared as a pile of ordure.’
‘Thanks for your thanks. I need to get going to college shortly,’ he
announced to the windows, drawing the curtains to a sudden silence and turning
to a room once more empty.
A person could go potty from
this!
During
the journey to college, Louis sat and calculated. He had become a target. Fine.
Well, no, actually as far from fine as it could get. Not only that, he didn’t intend to sit on his
arse waiting and get ripped apart by hideous monsters from who-knew-where.
These minor monsters, the legions
of Morgan, might come by the hundred. On
two occasions he’d been fortunate, and on the third the horror’s lack of
information played right into his hands – at the expense of The Professor, torn
apart and cast to the winds. Assuming
that he could beat these creatures off indefinitely was foolish. Unless – unless he used his head.
‘Defence,’ he muttered to
himself. ‘How to defend against an
energy matrix.’
How exciting! I wonder what happens next?
Finally -
More, as has come to be the case, of Conrad holding forth on the current Ukrainian crisis. Everyone is agog that the 'Moskva' has sunk, with Ruffian television networks being careful not to mention it, lest Dimya have a stroke. He would rather drink poison than admit the Ukes sank it, so we're not going to get the truth for a few years. Anyway, it's all going according to plan, so they must have planned to sink the Sinister-era rustbucket after all.
What I wanted to mention were the 150 FSB staff sacked by Dimya in a fit of rage, which seems to be his default emotion at present. This is one consequence of 'Dictatoritis', because he's never going to admit being to blame for a war now on DAY FIFTY when he expected it to be over in FIVE. Thus he blames everyone else for his own mistakes. Art!
How to strangle cats the Dimya way!
Apparently these chaps were supposed to undermine and destabilise Ukrainian society and are now accused of squandering billions (rubles or pounds? is unclear) to absolutely no effect. Wellllllll Conrad maliciously supposes they'll be crying themselves to sleep in their luxury Italian villas, having driven there in their stretch limo, having parked it next to their superyacht. That money went somewhere.
* Cannot be bothered to look him up
** Where's my flying car then?
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