But first, a shout out to that giant of Czech literature, Karel Capek. There's an accent over the "C" but I can't manage that on my keyboard, so to all my Czech readers,*apologies for not pronouncing it properly.
"What? Who?" I hear you query. "Did he invent Budweiser beer?"
Pausing only to acknowledge that "Budweiser" is indeed the Teuton form of "Ceske Budejovice", the town where it originates from, I shall explain. Art!
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| There you go |
No, he didn't invent beer, he invented the word "Robot". Well, technically it was his brother, but Karel wrote the play, so he tends to get the credit. "Robot" comes from the Czech "Robota" meaning "Serf", as of someone who does generally hard, unpleasant work.**
This is interesting and a touch both worrying and ironic, since the Kalashnikov company in Mother Russia have unveiled a prototype robot called "Igorek", which translates as "Little Igor". Art?
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| Not-so-little Igorek (with puny humans for scale) |
Paul Verhoeven might sue! Actually, Igorek isn't as impressive as it looks, since it's completely static. A mobile model isn't due until 2020, which rather makes me wonder why bother unveiling it now? One imagines Tsar Putin found out about it and wanted it promoted immediately, and also if it's on his radar and isn't ready to jump, skip and hop by 2020, someone will quietly disappear.
That was the ironic bit. Now here comes the worrying part. There is a Ruffian company in Siberia who have come up with an autonomous, self-learning robot that they call "Promobot IR77", intended to be used in crowded areas for - well, probably something sinister.
The thing is, it keeps escaping from the lab. Art?
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| Promobot (with puny humans for scale) |
The wretched artefact has escaped twice, and the only thing that stopped it from ending up hiding on the tundra was it's batteries running out. Conrad is distinctly uneasy at the prospect of this creation being turned loose in a shopping mall or outside a sports ground.
Okay, fast forward to 2020, when Igorek gets legs -
| It'll all end in tears |
After all, don't forget what happened to humans in "R.U.R." ...
Okay, after those grim and sinister thoughts, let's see if the motley can dodge Colin Furze's thermite-thrower!
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| How this man is still alive is a wonder!*** |
The Difference Between Cat And Dog
This ought to be pretty apparent, unless you are 3 months old. For the record, cats mew, dogs bark, and both are liable to nick your food if left unattended. In The Mansion, Jenny takes great delight in sitting where she should not, and Edna takes offence if not allowed to sit on your lap - after all, we are her Human-Shaped Cushions. Art?
There you go, Jenny coming to sit on my notebook and paper, having abandoned a perfectly comfortable basket to do so.
"But Dad!" she thinks to herself. "I just want to help!"
Pshaw! Yeah right. Art?
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| Playing coy |
This is her nonchalantly pretending not to notice the buttered toast.
"But Dad! I just want to help!"
There is another interested audience member to starboard just out of shot - Art?
There's no artifice about Edna - she's here for the last bit of crust from that toast and she doesn't pretend otherwise. Once that's gone, so's she. At least she doesn't try to sit on my notebook.
Hang on - is Ben Folds still alive? Let me just check - Phew! Yes he is, it was only a mild sprain, not malignant hypertension.
Where were we? O yes -
Trains Versus Zombies
There's a bit of mileage in this theme yet, as I attempt to squeeze the last drops of creativity from it, like a lemon wedge in a vice -
- which would be a cool way to get juice, if it was a small hand-vice, which was also dishwasher-proof -
Where were we? O yes -
| Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress |
This is an anime set in an alternative universe at the time of the Industrial Revolution, when zombies threaten to overwhelm Hom. Sap. (at least it isn't homicidal robots). All trade and transport between towns and cities is via heavily armed and armoured steam locomotives - honest, I'm not making this up. Google it and you'll see. Art?
That structure upper port is a copy of one of the Maunsell Forts, where the Mystery Jets shot their video for "Bubblegum". Art?
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| I speak only truth^ |
* That is, both of them
** Hom. Sap. beware - the robots revolt and wipe you out.
*** Actually, Colin and his mate built a "Hulkbuster" Iron Man in the back yard. It couldn't move either, but it looked a lot cooler than Igorek.
^ That's a big fat lie! <the hideous fact revealed courtesy Mister Hand>
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