Your humble scribe does not make spelling mistakes or typos, because that's what an extensive vocabulary, knowledge of grammar and Spell Checker are for. Even if Blogger's Spell Checker is an hideous South Canadian one that gets things wrong: it's "colour" NOT "color" and "centre" NOT "center".
Hang on, where were the "Centre of the Earth" scenes for the 1959 iteration of "Journey to the Centre of the Earth" filmed?*
Ah, Carlsbad Caverns. I see. We are now enlightened.
| Carlsbad Caverns: the colour* really pops out at you, eh? |
Okay, that has nothing to do with anything that follows, I was just curious. The 2008 version actually had location filming in Iceland, you know, and the Icelandic word for "Iceland" is "Island".
Where were we? O yes, the birds. I would like to do a little musical critique, which is usually a cue for famous musicians to pale with terror as their lyrics are subjected to relentlessly logical analysis. Don't worry, Bruce, it's not you today.
 |
| Bruce was relieved. |
No, today (actually I began this last night, but putting "tomorrow" would only confuse you) we shall be looking at that epic of monstrous cruelty, mutilation and abuse -
SING A SONG OF SIXPENCE!**
Let us now begin the remorseless reviewing.
"Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye,"
I'm sorry but the sixpence ceased to be legal tender in 1972. Also, be careful with rye, it can get mouldy* and lead to ergot poisoning, which is similar to tripping on LSD -
 |
| - before it kills you dead in ghastly fashion. |
"Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie"
! Egad! I should think the RSPCA would have something to say about that, matey. What, can't you afford to go shopping at Morrisons for chicken drumsticks? Barbarian!
"When the pie was opened the birds began to sing"
No, it's too late now, pal, your animal abuse is already down in black and white, no use backtracking. And don't try pretending that they're zombie blackbirds, either.
"Oh wasn't that a dainty dish to set before the king?"
No! No it was not! The blackbird may be a small bird but you've got two dozen of them in that pie, it's going to be enormous, especially if you have loads of sauce and veg in there with them.
 |
| BEWARE THE ZOMBIRD! |
What bothers me is that these birds are still chirping after being roasted on Gas Mark 4 for ninety minutes. Can you say "Early Modern Times Version of 'Birdemic'?"
Time to seal the motley inside a ball of clay and cook it in the ashes of a fire!
Krasnaboos
As you may remember, 'Krasnaboos' is the term Conrad has created for those who worship all things Tsarist, Sinister, Ruffian or Putin-ish, simply because they are Tsarist, Sinister, Ruffian or Putin-ish. If Noel De Grasse Tyson told these people the sun was going to rise tomorrow, they'd sneer and lay in stocks of candles and matches (torches and batteries being part of the Eeeevil Government Conspiracy). On the other hand, if Tsar Putin said the Moon was made of cheese, they'd be riding the coat-tails of Wallace and Gromit up there. Art?
 |
| Conrad a touch envious |
This is not to say that the Ruffians cannot produce nice things: take a look at Sputnik and the Ekranoplan. However, they can also create whacking great white elephants, like the SU-57. Art?
 |
| The beast in question |
It was supposed to be an all-singing, all-dancing 5th Generation stealth jet capable of air interception, ground attack, achieving incredible speeds and making a nice pot of tea to boot. In reality the engines were so unreliable that their financial partner, India, waved goodbye earlier this year. It was very noisy, and quite, quite visible on radar - lots of seams and welds and bits sticking out will do that, apparently. It cost a trainload of gold rubles to build one, which is always a bit of a sticking point. There were supposed to be several hundred in service by 2025, which got scaled back to a few dozen, and in July a spokesman stated "The Su 57 is acknowledged as the best jet in the world, so we're not going to make any more of them."
Wait, what?
So, there are only the 12 that have been built as prototypes so far and that's it.
So, there are only the 12 that have been built as prototypes so far and that's it.
 |
| Tsar Putin is sad. |
Of course the Krasnaboos have been out in force. "It's so advanced it can easily beat a million Western fighters at once and still make a nice pot of tea," is their typical response. Well, I'll want to see that tea first before making my mind up.
Talking Of Bonkers Inventors -
Okay, a mention in passing of Wallace still counts. You may remember me going on about Colin Furze, a man with no sense of fear, recognition of danger, nor common sense neither. He regularly bodges up incredible - and incredibly dangerous - pieces of kit in his garage. If he had a fraction of the Sukhoi design bureau's (creators of the Su 57) budget, he'd have taken over the world by now.***Art?
 |
| Colin's firework rocket launcher |
This is one of the safer inventions he's come up with. He gimmicked together this device, which fires rockets. The thing is, firework rockets have no kind of stability in flight, so they missed nearly everything they were fired at. In an act of desperation, Colin found that he could - Art?
 |
| Er - |
- remove his socks with a rocket launch.
Again, how this man is still alive and in one piece is a matter for profound speculation. Go see his stuff on Youtube whilst he is still in the land of the living (because this might not be for long).
| E.g. - Colin's Rocket Bike |
Finally -
Wow, I've prattled on today! I think that's a consequence of trying to transcribe the party going on in my head 24/7.
What can I finish up with? <thinks> Aha!
 |
| Very possibly the motley's great grandfather |
Later!
* Just to hammer home that correct spelling.
** Dig those groovy psychedelic colours, daddio.
*** Which would be interesting. But I would have to depose him.
No comments:
Post a Comment