For you see, part of his routine is to walk into Royton after finishing his working from home, as a trot to the Co-Op there is about a mile, which is just enough gentle exercise for this middle-aged man on a daily basis.
Whilst queuing, they had piped music playing over the store Tannoy system, and on came a song, with the chorus "I'm every woman -"
Which, naturally, had your humble scribe a-froth with indignant rage, for I am nothing if not literally-minded, and this lyric - well; it called out to the inner pedant in me, which, to be honest, is never very far from the surface. Art?
 |
| The culprit! |
Now, the current world population estimate is 7.4 billion, so we will nudge this downwards to 7 billion for ease of calculation, since this song did come out a while ago. If we assume that female make up 50% of this total, that's 3.5 billion. She does emphasise the word "Woman", so we will exclude all females aged under 16 (a bit arbitrary, but it's MY calculation) and with an average global female age of 72 at death, we reduce 3.4 billion by 22%, giving a final total of 2.65 billion.
Now, let's revisit Ms. Khan. Art?
 |
| More of the culprit! |
I ask you, does she look like 2.65 billion women rolled into one?
NO!*
Take your song and go far, far away. The Andromeda Galaxy will do.** Really, some people, misrepresenting statistics and global data <drifts off into ranting mutter>.
Okay, time to put the motley in a wetsuit with scuba gear and fire it out of the forward torpedo tubes!
More Of The Museum
Don't worry, I have LOTS more photos of the Lancashire Regiments Museum, and because I took the things, and made an effort to get there, you are most certainly going to get the benefit of seeing them as well!
SIT BACK DOWN! This IS interesting! Art?
The photo's a bit blurry, so I'll just point out the salient features. This is from the mid-point of the regiment's experiences on the Western Front in the First Unpleasantness, and you can see an NCO's uniform, and a couple of Brodie pattern helmets, one of them with a considerable dent in it. The wearer survived - that is, after all, what helmets are for - although he must have had a whacking great lump and headache to match.
At the bottom is come captured Teuton gear: a sentry's armour plates at left for protection when on watch, with the proviso that it probably wouldn't stop a rifle or machine gun bullet. To the right of that is an MG08/15, a bit hard to make out. This was a far lighter and more mobile version of the monstrously heavy MG08. Art? Non-blurry full size illustration, please!
| Thus |
What neither the captured version or this auction model have attached is the long tube attached to the water jacket. This was because the water would rapidly boil during firing, and steam would escape, immediately marking where the gun was. Using a long tube meant being able to vent the steam off to one side, yards away. Art?
 |
| Er - piping hot? |
And now, a break for lunch. Conrad needs food!
BOOJUM! Reviews Films
In our own inimitable way! But then again, who would want to imitate a style that is equal parts rage and whimsy? Anyway, here we go - oh, and remember that we make it up as we go along, except where we don't.
"The Equaliser 2": Another excursion into revenge, vengeance and justice for Mr McCall. He settles the hash of some low-level low-lifes before getting involved personally in a case, proof that it is a spectacularly bad idea to get on the wrong side of this man. We learn a little more about his background when we see his hidden room, and the final showdown in an abandoned, storm-wracked town is pretty suspenseful.
Yes, I know this is not the usual tangential nonsense, but I went to see it on my birthday and liked it, so there.
 |
| A slightly deceptive poster |
"The Spy Who Dumped Me": Well, from the bus posters it looks like some odious drug-addled Hollywood suit decided that a "reimagining" of Austin Powers was a good idea, except let's make it with a female lead.
EXCEPT NOT! Someone should hire Mr. McCall to clean up Hollywood, starting with the intellectual criminals who greenlight things like this. Also, I bet they conflate, confuse and generally have NO IDEA what the difference between an 'agent' and a 'spy' is.
Bah!
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| Next year's James Bond. O yes.*** |
"The Happytime Murders": Conrad is not at all sure what they were aiming for with this one. A murder-mystery comedy-crime buddy-buddy cop film, where half the cast are puppets, with a "15" rating? Hmmmmm. Let us hope this gimmick does not come out as dreadfully as that film with Whoopi Goldberg and <ahem> the dinosaur detectives. Yes, that was a real thing, and yes, it turned out abysmally - though that's a story for another blog.
Shades, perhaps, of "Kling Klang Klatch", which I have somewhere in my piles of comics. Art?
I rest my case.
Although you haven't asked, my chronometric analysis of "The Incredibles" is coming along nicely, if a little slowly, since I'm having to stop and pause it every few minutes. There is also the risk, of course, of getting caught up in it and forgetting to take notes. A major sin. I shall endeavour not to commit it. Art?
| The cars are a clue |
Oops. We've hit the Ton - over 1,000 words -
LATER!
* She would probably mass the same as the Isle of Wight if she was, by the way.
** Andromeda - only 2 million light years distant.
*** I'm not dignifying that other film with a picture.
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