I Mutter Of Butter

Just Not How You Expected It
Normally, if your humble scribe mentions "Butter" then there's a long description of how he made a cake with it, and how unfair it is that he can't stuff at least half of it into his gaping piehole once it has cooled down a little.*  Today, however, I am using the word in the Cryptic Crossword sense, where it would be "Butter (4)".
     You may have gotten what the clue means, or you may have cheated and gone to look on Wordplay, so I shall stop being coy and sat that we're talking about goats here.
     Get it?  A goat?  That butts people?
     These ones are in the public eye because they are now understood to prefer happy people.  Aunty Beeb, that fount of all that's fit to read, explains that goats can distinguish between a happy face and an angry face, and they prefer the happy ones.  Art?

Goats at a goat sanctuary
(Goats being - er - massively persecuted?)

     Goats are a bit of a mystery to me.  You see, there are no goats within miles of The Mansion; and whenever Conrad approached them at urban farms when taking Darling Daughter to one, they would shy away.  I wonder why this is?

Completely baffled

     Do let me know in the Comments if you can fathom this out.
     Here an aside.  If you can, do try Gjetost, which is a Norwegian cheese made from goat's milk, being very sweet and also brown in colour.  Hard to get hold of at the local supermarket - those Norks don't want to let the precious stuff out of the fjords!**
     Now to see if the motley can cross a lake of molten lead before it's paper sandals catch fire!

The Horror! - Of "HOMONYM"
Yes, yes, another rant about Codeword and how they are, really, walking the line as regards definitions.  I wonder if the problem is with the compilers?  After all, normal crossword compilers each have their own signature style, which you as a solver have to adapt to, so the same may apply to the Codeword creators if they changed a while back.
     But honestly - "HOMONYM"?
     The concept is simple: two or more words that are spelled or which sound the same but mean completely different things.

                                               You get the picture

You What?
Conrad has just been reading about some miserable embezzling miscreant, who got a richly-deserved criminal conviction and prison sentence for stealing a total of £98,000 from an old dear of 97 years age.
     The snivelling thieving bumbletuck tried to claim, as her defence, that said old dear "had spent all the money on sherry".
     O Rly?  I am sure the judge did what I just did - fiddle about with numbers and guesstimates on a calculator.
     Here an aside.  I would rather go thirsty than drink sherry, for your humble scribe considers it to be an affront to the taste buds.  I once rashly made a milkshake with sherry, and the toxic taste is with me still.

Only good for soaking dried fruit prefatory to putting in a cake batter

     Anyway - if we assume a relatively expensive bottle of sherry costs £20.00 and contains 1.5 pints of liquid, then our old dear would have gotten through 4,900 bottles of the stuff - how many skipsworth is that?  In terms of volume, that's 7,350 pints, or 918 gallons.  Or, to put it another way, 3.25 tons of the stuff.

A 3 ton tanker.  This one holds water.  Unlike the thief's defence!

     Now, that's expensive sherry.  I did discover a dirt cheap brand in Tesco's at £3.95 per bottle, in which case our old dear would have drunk 18 tons of it (!).

 - or this much.

     No wonder the judge didn't believe the thief.

Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before -
You won't need to, this one has probably only ever existed in the mind of your humble scribe, since it resembles a skip full of rubbish that gets routinely churned over every few hours before having another tranche of flotsam and jetsam added.
     Okay, there is a film currently on release entitled "The Happytime Murders", which is rated 15 because it will include swearing, violence, potential puppet nudity and drug abuse.  Art?

One of these  two is not human

     Thing is, a similar tack has been taken before, by that mighty Antipodean polymath Peter Jackson.  True, his film didn't have human beings, but it did have an 18 rating, and Harry the Hophead Frog.  Oh, and a hippo with a machine gun.  Art?

Er -

     Yes, I know that it looks as if Heidi is going to off herself with an M60 but I'm sure that it's just the angle and the lighting and - change the subject, Art -

Ah.  Yes -

     - Harry the Hophead Frog - um - in an homage to "The Deer Hunter"?
     Just goes to show, Hollywood, that you're a day late and a dollar short.***

I think it's about lunchtime.  See you! 

Finally -
Because it would be nice to hit the ton in terms of word count, and because this ought to make sense after you see the link on Facebook, have a look at this peculiar craft.  Art?

The aspect of a water spider

     This thing was dreamed up and constructed by some bright sparks from Silicon Valley, it seems.  It gives a very smooth ride at up to 70 m.p.h. (whatever that is in knots) thanks to those great big sprung arms. Art again?

Yours for only £3,000,000 and change

*  Thank you diabetes, THANK YOU SO MUCH!  Also, yes, I am a greedy rascal.
**  Possibly.  Possibly not.  Go ask your Norwegian consulate.
***  Actually 19 years late and £24 million short.