Into The Jaws - Of Dinosaurs!

You Lot Really Have A Thing About The "Terrible Lizards"
From the first poorly-reconstructed Victorian versions to the frankly creepy animatronic ones that infest travelling shows, Hom. Sap. is ever-eager to explore the world of these great big long-dead things.  Art?

A Dilophosaurus
(colouring speculative)

     The question of what rendered them just that, long-dead, has been a matter of some speculation.  Conventional wisdom has it that global volcanic and tectonic activity had put their numbers into decline; when the meteor that created the Chuxulub Crater arrived, it turned their shuffle of this mortal coil to a flat sprint.
     There are other, more controversial theories around, of course.  Art?

The questions persist

     This lady insists that it was cruel zoo conditions that wiped them out.  You can bet that there are some swivel-eyed conspiranoid loonwaffles out there who insist that dinosaurs are all a sinister hoax by NASA, because NASA is just the embodiment of evil.
     Then there are those of us who hold that time-travelling cowboys from the future ranched the dinosaurs to extinction.  A series based on this can be found in the pages of that documentary pamphlet 2000AD: "Flesh".  Art?

The cowboys at work

     The theory goes that, by the 23rd century, time-travelling corporations have founded bases in the distant past, and harvest the local dinosaurs for their meat - this latter being a rarity in the overcrowded, polluted and rather hungry Earth of that time.
     Don't sniff so!

     If time travel does become achieveable, then the temptation to harvest the dinosaurs for juicy red meat would be irresistible.  The reasoning, one supposes, is that they're all going to die out anyway, so why not have their extinction be put to good use?  2000AD had to really reach and create stupid and silly coincidences (hence today's title) or happenstance to engender a sense of drama, because - come on, you could take out a dino with a Barrett Light .50 today.  In two hundred years time your atomic hand-blaster would be able to vapourise a herd of stampeding Styracosaurs in seconds, and the secondary blast effects would create a few tons of barbecued spare ribs.

Dinner.  Plus hors d'ouevre.

     The thing is, every dinosaur that these cowboy ranchers are going to kill for meat means a cascade effect further down the time-lines.  That dinosaur will not have any offspring, nor those offspring themselves have any offspring.  If you kill off herds of herbivores, then the predators are going to die off from lack of prey.  By killing whole herds of animals, you may affect migratory patterns.  
     Food for thought.*
     Right!  Time to move on to matters sinister.  Even - devilish.

No, Art, no!  Not a 'Devilfish' -

"The Devil's Dictionary" By Ambrose G. Bierce
AGB was a very interesting character, about whose demise their has been considerable speculation, and quite as much as the dinosaurs in comparative ratio.  He was born in 1843 and went on to have quite a career in the Union Army during the Civil Unpleasantness of 1861 - 1865.  He tossed a coin to choose whether to stay in the army or become a journalist, and journalism won.  Art?

Dashing young Lieutenant Bierce

     Bierce's opinion of humanity was that Humanity Was A Bad Thing.  Not only that, but It Would Not Get Better.  Given this worldview, his nickname was "Bitter Bierce" and he became famous on the West Coast for his biting, caustic wit and satire.  He began creating entries for a satirical dictionary in 1881, which could not be published under his chosen title because of his publishing house's stand on religion.
     My own copy of TDD dates from 1989, and the inner page reveals that this is the fourth imprint since 1967, so someone out there likes it.  Possibly not to the tastes of a modern audience, as the language is that of the late 19th and early 20th century.
     An example - : 'Forbidden'; invested with a new and irresistible charm.'
     Bierce disappeared in revolution-wracked Mexico in 1913 and was never seen again, nor was his body ever found.  Given that he would be 175 years old in 2018, he is unlikely to have survived this long.

But you never know ...

An Outright Lie
As you probably know by now, your humble scribe is a diabetic, because I constantly lament an inability to gorge myself silly on sweet things 

                 - sorry, I was just dreaming of a bowl of ice cream followed by six mince pies and a two-pound Christmas pudding with brandy butter and a box of After Eight mints to finish -

     That would have been my Saturday afternoon fare a year ago**.  Now I have to confine myself to this - Art?

"Mouthwateringly good Swiss herbal sweets"

     MOUTHWATERINGLY GOOD MY HAIRY WHITE POSTERIOR!  They make the mouth water because of the citric acid present, not because they consist of glorious boiled sugar and flavourings.
     Bah!



*  Do you see - O you do.
**  Only exaggerating a little here.