The Irony - Of 303

This Is Going To Take A While
So you might like to go and put the kettle on, in addition to swotting up on Imperial metrics and measurements.  None of that horrid metric nonsense here!
     Okay, let us cast our collective minds back to the year 1940, during the Second Unpleasantness, when refugee airmen from Europe sought succour with the armed forces of Perfidious Albion.  Principal amongst these were the valiant sons of Poland, who, in the words of one pundit, "did not know the meaning of surrender".

Art!

     Quite.  These fellows were on their third campaign - and country - by the time they reached the Pond of Eden, and were frequently more experienced than the RAF pilots who sought to train and instruct them.  They were certainly more ferociously bloodthirsty and aggressive than their Pond brethren, spurning any milquetoast embracement of terms like 'sporting' or 'mercy'.
     The first squadron they formed was 303, named "Tadeusz Kosciuszki",* and My! they were terrors in the sky.  Their total for the Battle of Britain - I know it's rude to count so sue me - comes in at about 55 Teuton aerial victims. 
     And here we have the irony bit.  Art?

The deliverers of bad news

     These particularly noisy lead-slingers are the Browning machine gun, in the standard British calibre for small arms, which in that horrid metric system comes in at 7.7 millimetres, and which is what in Imperial inches?
     .303.
     I rest my case.
The Smietany Of The Crop
More Polish!  Or, as you boring monolinguals would say, "The cream of the crop".  Damian has helpfully provided an insight into yesterday's recipe ingredients and instructions from that packet of groats.  "Dus" means "simmer" - I had guessed it was a cooking process and it's nice to be proven correct.  "Szkl." is also a liquid measurement, being 200 millilitres volume.  I did come across "Szklanka" yesterday, although only defined as "Glass".  Now I know!
     Of course, making sense of the instructions after translating them is quite another matter.
     We shall see.

Excuse me whilst I tazer Art into unconsciousness**

BOOJUM! Reviews Films
If you can call frothing disregard for the truth and a peevish dislike for 99% of everything that graces the screen "Reviewing".  You want measured, balanced and finely-nuanced reviews?  Then the EXIT DOOR IS THAT WAY!  Or try Mark Kermode, he's pretty good (and a big fan of the Comsat Angels).
     Let us review the Rules Conrad's Guide To Film Criticism: there aren't any.  I make it up as I go along, and I go where I please. "Tomb Raider":  A remake?  I never bothered with the original and I've never played the computer game, either, and you oughtn't to have done so either, because there's a lot better things to do than mess about on a computer.*** Full marks on managing to make grave-robbing sound acceptable, though.  Chris Barrie to make a cameo, one wonders?  Let me sum up the plot: there will be a lot of jumping around, shooting, things exploding and graves being robbed, the end.  There you go, saved you £10.

We British: the most well-bred of all tomb raiders

"Duck Duck Goose": May the good lord aloft preserve us from vapid, inane animation targeted at small humans, because we adults have to take them to the cinema, and fork out many pounds of gold equivalent for the privilege of suffering silently in the dark, whilst pondering on all the books we could be reading.  Or plotting world domination, whichever floats your boat.  Or am I mis-reading the title and it's a set of instructions?

More entertaining to watch

"Peter Rabbit": <sighs> see above.  LOATHSOME HORRID NONSENSE!  LOATHSOME I TELL YOU!  DO NOT SEE!  Oh you weren't going to since the reviews are rubbish? 
     Don't give me unspeakable ideas about that carrot, matey.   "Rascal rebel rabbit"?  You've got big shoes to fill there, pal, considering the original rascal rebel rabbit was Bugs Bunny, who was genuinely funny.  Here's how Peter could put me in a good humour - Art?

Well done, Peter.

Lest We Forget -
Bugs Bunny is a South Canadian icon, with his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and is the 9th most portrayed character on film, and did I mention that he is FUNNY?  He's been around in one form or another since 1938 so he certainly has legs.  A lot more than that dismal little pervert Peter.  Art!

Don't count his fingers.
DON'T COUNT HIS FINGERS!

*  Of him, more later.
**  Mind you, how do we tell the difference?
***  The irony - it burns!