Conrad = Sad

I Know That's A Tad Ambiguous
But it's how we roll round this way.  Yes, I am one of those peculiar people who will check the ingredients list on the back of cosmetic bottles in the bathroom, or what constitutes a cake on the back of it's packet, which I like to think is "inquisitive" rather than "desperate saddoe".*
     Then again, I was sadder than usual this morning as I stood, forlorn, at the bus stop waiting for a 24 bus that never came.  And the 409 that eventually turned up was late, and rammed.  Oh - that 'Bus Wait Rate' rule that I've mentioned before?  Fully born out this morning, in a ratio of 5:2.
    

First Bus spokesdemon:"How very interesting.  And?"

     However!  Neither of those actually refers to what I was inferring, which was a lack of Things Exploding.  You ought to know Conrad by now, an adult exterior cladding a small child with a gleeful fondness for things that go BANG.** 
     You see, I was checking out Liquid Natural Gas ships, because I can.  There are a surprising number of different types and designs.  Let us prod that sloven Art awake and have him earn his plate of coal -

Thus

     I realise this design makes it look pregnant, but it's the most efficient way of storing LNG, and also the safest.  You see, one of these can carry nearly 10 million cubic feet of LNG, stuff that is practically itching to explode at the slightest excuse.  So there are a lot of safety features built in, which means that seagoing LNG tankers - don't explode <sad face>.

Road-going one, on the other hand ...

     There you go, a reason to be sad quite apart from it being Monday morning.
     Speaking of roadgoing fuel tankers, I recall a tale from the Darwin Awards website about a chap sent to clean out a petrol tanker's cargo body.  He took off the hatch cover, and then checked inside to see if it was empty, and by "checked" I mean "Struck a match and held it inside the fume-filled cargo body to inspect visually".  They found his shattered carcass several dozen yards away from the now-exploded tanker.
     And on that Roald Dahl note, let us drop the motley in the piranha-infested river, protected by it's bacon suit!***

Worryingly, this came up straight away when I Googled "Bacon suit".
(Obviously, some people have entirely too much time on their hands)

The Terror Of LUTEFISK!
I did threaten you with this yesterday, and here we are again, back with a Norwegian Horror Story.  Lutefisk is Norwegian for "Lye Fish", lye being the term used for sodium hydroxide, which is what they preserve their fish in.  Yes, sodium hydroxide, the stuff they make bleach from.  Art?

Delicious!
(Perhaps)

     You have to soak and rinse it thoroughly, or - well, it will kill you, which is a bad way to end the day (not start it - you surely wouldn't eat this thing for breakfast, would you?). After cleansing and on consumption, it has the taste and texture of fish-flavoured jelly.  Apparently.  I say this because I have no intention of ever trying the horrid stuff.
     Now, don't assume that all Norwegian food is trying to murder you, because there is also Gjetost - about which perhaps more tomorrow.


BOOJUM! Reviews Films
In our own inimitable way.  Of course, that assumes that anyone would want to imitate us, still less that they have the capacity to do so; generating a stream-of-consciousness consisting of solid scrivel is an art, you know.
     Okay, it's a while since we did the film critic bit, so I shall outline our criteria:
     There aren't any.  We make it up as we go along.  If you wanted a proper - excuse me, a Proper Film Review, then THE EXIT DOOR IS THAT WAY!  Go look up Mark Kermode.

Mark is a big fan of these.  He has good taste

     "Mute":  Hmmm.  Hardly a promising title, is it?  The story of an independent record label founded in 1978 by synthesiser pioneer Daniel Miller?  Or the long and unspeakably dull story of a mime artist?  I won't condemn this out of hand, since it's directed by David Jones, who made the excellent if equally blandly-titled "Moon".  We shall see, as it's available on Netflix.

Mute is a dull concept.  Have a Van Der Graaf Generator in action instead.

     "I, Tonya":  Another Hmmm moment.  Am I supposed to either know or care who this Tonya person is?  Because I don't.  Is there a tagline?  Because if there is I didn't notice any.  Perhaps I'm mis-reading the title and it's actually a horror film called "It, On Ya" -
     - about an hideous afflicting growth that erupts from a person's body and takes over.

Nailed it.

"Monster Family":  Oh dear.  O dear indeed.  Judging from the repellent poster for this vile video of <thinks> verminous vomit, I think it's supposed to be a 'comedy', aimed at 'children'.  You can tell immediately from the colour palette used.  If you take your children to see this, they will hate you intensely until the end of days, or until you buy them a new phone, whichever comes sooner.
     If you want a real family of monsters, go read up about Sawney Bean.  That'll stop you sleeping peacefully at night.

Hmmm.  Almost as horrifying

     And there we shall call a halt for today's stream-of-consciousness scrivel, as we are not only over count (nominally 750 words), but are heading for 1,000, and I don't want to wear out either your eyes or sanity.





*  Your view may differ.
**  This probably explains the nuclear weapons foofoodillies focus.
***  Don't worry, motleys taste horrid and piranhas are fussy eaters.  And it was Australia it got sent to yesterday, rather than Austria.