Cherniy A Takzhe Beliy

Or, If You Insist On Being Boring -
"Black and white" in Russian, rendered in the Roman alphabet, because over there in Ruffia they use the Cyrillic one.  Why in Cyrillic?  Why not!
     This is actually a tangent from what was a tangent in the first place, because I was referring to "Ebony and Ivory", that hideously schmaltzy track by <checks>  Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, as suffered heard via radio broadcast earlier today.

What?  You thought you would get a picture of a piano?

     I think the meat of the matter can be summed up in that line from the lyrics, which goes something like:

Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony 

Side by side on my piano keyboard, oh Lord, why don't we?

     Well, I would be the first to admit that, as a borderline Asperger candidate, your humble scribe is possibly not the first or best person to indulge in delicate inter-personal analysis when it comes to music lyrics.  However, let me put forward my supposition:

HUMAN BEINGS ARE NOT INANIMATE BITS OF CARVED WOOD!

     I think that settles the matter from now until then.

Wooden't it be nice ...

     Conrad, being perverse unto his inner core, wonders if all this Politically Correct guff also applies to the harpsichord?  the virginal?  the spinet?  the multi-manual organ? because they, too, are keyboard instruments.
     Well, now that we've sent Sir Paul away crying, let's finish the Intro and move on.

Let The Train Take The Strained Analogy
I have, of late, been watching "The Battle of Britain", which is a thrilling wonder story of how we fought to Remain in Brexit, or something close.  I notice that there are many Goofs described in the relevant page within IMDB - along the lines of "the pitot head is incorrectly aligned with the grommet muffler by at least 1/32 of an inch WHY CANNOT THESE PEOPLE GET IT RIGHT!"

A Pitot

     You can imagine these people hunched over their keyboards, seething with indignation, brows furrowed, hitting the keys so hard that the monitor bounces and topples-

      - er yes, let us move on from that.  Nobody, however, has spotted an egregious error that simply leapt from the screen when your humble scribe was watching.  Art?

     That anti-aircraft mounting is actually a South Canadian Maxson turret, which mounts 4 x .5 calibre Browning machine guns, and wasn't invented until 1943, so you can't pretend it's been captured WHY CANNOT THESE PEOPLE GET IT RIG

   HT! - sorry about that, the monitor fell over.

Schadenfreude
<rubs hands together gleefully> As you should surely know by now, Conrad has absolutely no interest in the ballfoot game, and for all he cares the teams could march out onto the pitch and flip a coin to determine who wins.
     However, he finds it highly amusing to scroll through the pages of venomous poison screeds ranted in the 'Have Your Say' columns of the Beeb's website.*  Art?

     It may be difficult to make out, but that's a total of 10 pages within an hour of Manchester United losing to Sevilla.  When I checked back this morning, there were over 2,000 posts there.  About half of them - which is applicable as a rule of thumb to all these posts - are fans of teams who are not Manchester United, gloating.  The rest are split between those who are fans of Manchester United and those who are not, actually making constructive comments on the match.  Then there are a handful that have nothing to do with the game, and you can imagine these people hunched over their keyboards, seething with indignation, brows furrowed, hitting the keys so hard that the monitor bounces and topples - hang on, that sounds familiar -

Er - yes.

     There is also a fascinating conspiratorial mindset amongst some posters, who truly reflect the bampot mentality of the Swivel-Eyed Conspiranoid Loonwaffle as found in the wider world.  One thing they take for granted is that the referee has normally been bought by The Side They Do Not Like, which explains why their team lost.  Entirely without any evidence, of course, because if you dare to ask for evidence then You Are Part Of The Conspiracy.**

A referee.  Easily the most hated man on the pitch.
(Especially if doing his job)

Right, time to pause hammering the keys, pick up my lunchbox and cram some of that stuff you humans call food down my gaping maw.***





*  Yes, I know "poison" is a synonym for "venom" but I'm waxing poetic here.
**  Standard SECL tactic
***  Sorry for putting this picture in your mind.