It Was Twenty Years Ago Today -

Er - Actually Not What I Ought To Have Put
Let us call this "being selectively-blind about the truth", a.k.a. "lying" - although given how we do business around here, that really shouldn't be a surprise to you.
     Here an aside.  That line is taken from "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band", which came out in 1967, so the events described took place in 1947, which means we're now talking about a gap of 51 years, which is actually closer to the total I should have been using.  Apart from the lying, of course.

This'll get some clickbait traffic!

     "What is he banging on about now?" I hear you jeer.  "Sharks?  Weasels?  Nuclear-powered zombie sharks controlled by intelligent mutant weasels?"*
     Not far off, actually.  Well, quite far off, really.  Okay, nowhere near nowhere near, to be honest, for today I wish to talk about the 'Kaiserschlacht'.
     This German for "The Kaiser's Battle" and refers to the huge Teuton offensive that began on March 21st 1918, just about a hundred years ago today - so you can see where today's title comes from.  Art?

Shortage of horses apparent

     This was the last-chance, last-gasp Teuton offensive to win the First Unpleasantness, which had to succeed, and succeed big-time, for them to manage victory.  The assaults were led by 'Stosstruppen' or 'Storm Troops', who were specially selected, trained and equipped units whose role was to infiltrate into enemy lines rather than attacking them head-on.  Their first day had been a spectacular success, aided in no small part by the weather - thick fog - which severely hampered the British.
     You can judge the intensity of combat on the Western Front by noting that this Teuton offensive was outstandingly successful at it's beginning, and yet by 100 years ago today the German casualties stood at 38,000.  Most of these, naturally, were the Stosstruppen, which was a bit of a blow; these were the very best Teuton troops they had, and once they were gone - they were gone.  Art?

Stosstruppen being all Strossy

     I think we will come back to this topic, as I can easily bore for Britain at the Olympic level on stuff like this.
     Time to tie the motley's hands behind it's back and empty a tub of chilli powder down it's underwear!**

Conrad Discovers A Guilty Pleasure
No!  No need to cover your eyes, this is still SFW.  If you are a reader of long standing, then you may be aware that Conrad considers one of the signs of becoming middle-aged is an interest in murder mysteries, especially those of the Golden Age or of that ilk.  This, I fondly believe, is why I like Dorothy L. Sayers' 'Lord Peter Wimsey' novels and short stories.  Jo Nesbo and James Crumley are a little harder to explain, but allow me my conceit.
     Anyway, this afternoon I happened to catch an episode of "Murder She Wrote" and became intrigued by the plot, so - er - I watched the lot.  All sorts of familiar American television actors faces present, also Elliot Gould.

She's British, you know

     <sigh> well it could be worse, it could have been "Columbo".

This Will Make Sense If You Came Here Via Facebook Or Twitter
If you know Conrad then you know he is a massive coward, petrified by spiders, hypodermic needles and Hawaiian pizzas.*** Whilst not exactly scared of heights, he does treat them with respect, which is plainly not the case here, during the construction of the Empire State Tower.  Art?

Health and Safety?  Geddoudahere!

     It is possibly a trick photograph, but it makes your humble scribe feel distinctly queasy merely looking at it.

Also Rather Randomly
That phrase from "Star Wars", 'scruffy looking nerf herder' springs to mind as a classic insult.  Except for the 'nerf' part.  I presume we are not talking about the foam projectile weapon?
     And of course some fans have visited this theme already.  Art?



Meanwhile, Back At The DANGEROUS Laboratory -
If you are a regular reader, then you know that Conrad's thought processes are obscure, even to him, which is why he wasn't surprised to have the term "Methyl Isocyanate" pop up in his mind.
     Bear in mind that anything chemical which contains "-cyan-" is not going to be very healthy for humans, and this is no exception.  Art?

Looks harmless, doesn't it?  WRONG!

     This stuff is used as a precursor for other materials, and also in insecticides.  Most notoriously, it was the killing agent in the Bhopal disaster, where it killed thousands on the spot and tens of thousands later.  It is not something to be taken lightly!
     The lethal dose is put at 21 ppm - parts per million.  In other words, it is shockingly toxic, and because it does not have a strong odour or colour, inhaling a lethal dose would be relatively easy, were it not also a potent lachrymatory agent.  This means at sub-lethal doses it makes your eyes run like taps, which is your body's way of saying DANGER WILL ROBINSON!
     I note that one method of producing it is to combine methylamine - which is toxic and highly flammable - with phosgene - which is so toxic it was used as a war gas in the First Unpleasantness.
     Which is where we came in -

The human default condition: being horrid to each other

*  Asylum Films - if this ever turns up as a film, I want royalties!
**  Note how the motley is carefully left genderless here.
***  Because of the pineapple, of course