The Bark Side Of The Moon

Homo Sapiens, Apex Predator
That's the established view, although your humble scribe does wonder at times how this ever happened and how Hom. Sap. ever beat the humble Blue Crested Quaking Vomit Newt to the pinnacle of the evolutionary ladder.  You lot you humans you are at top rung on that ladder, right?

Competition!

     Hmmm.  Well, we'll take that as read for the moment.
     Okay, we shall now proceed to the world of the Bampot Insane, over on Youtube and a channel about Conspiracy Theories.
     This one is about how things did not happen as we say they did - namely the ascent of the Ascent stage of Apollo 17's Lunar Excursion Module from the surface of the Moon.  Art?

LEM in position

     We are able to see the Ascent stage lift off courtesy of a remote controlled camera that pans to capture the rocket-propelled launch -
     Except not, according to one conspiranoid loonwaffle on Youtube.  "Remote cameras?  How foolish of you sheeple to believe that!" and so on.
     Well, O Loonwaffle, if you are correct, what does that imply?
     "Hi, thanks for volunteering to stay behind on the Moon and die within a couple of hours when your oxygen runs out, simply so that we can have you tilt a camera a few inches!"
     I think you see the flaw there.  Nor is that all.  You would be sending four astronauts to the Moon, not three.  You would need to keep the spare astronaut hidden from the world's press, and ensure he's out of shot all the time when filming takes place on the lunar surface, and you'd need to take extra food, water and air for the outbound leg of the journey, and all the Apollo mission staff who knew about him -
     Pshaw!  How much more immensely complicated is that than creating a simple remote control?

How do you think they got this one?

     The other option is even less sane: send a second Apollo mission to the Moon, in the footsteps of the first, duplicating everything, at a cost of tens of millions of dollars, rather than create a remote control camera.
     Hence the title of today's blog.  Some people abuse the right to be stupid.
     What's that?  You thought this was going to be an exposition about Pink Floyd's ground-breaking epic of sonic architecture?  Really? 
     Hello Blue Crested Quaking Vomit Newt, your time has come ...
     A Brief Moment Of Domestic Tranquility
Yes, even alien spies human beings take time off from plotting world domination and which vapid celebrity is going into the uranium mines first.*  So yesterday I made a version of ramen, which substituted Spiralised mooli for noodles.  Art?

     And, you know, it's not bad.  I shall be having it for lunch today.
     Mind you, under Conrad's "I Made It" rule, I'd still eat it even if it were vile.  I cannot admit defeat to a foodstuff!**
You What?
I have long realised that my mind does not work the way other Hom. Sap's do.  This is a bit worrying as on occasion I don't know what's going on upstairs.  Take this, for example.  Art?

?
In fact ??

      In case you cannot read my elegant script, this appears to be a conversation between Josef Stalin and General Poskrebshev (whose name I occasionally drop in BOOJUM! to hilarious comic effect), about the General's secret stash of Bertie Wooster novels.
     Okay, Conrad.  Why did you write this?
     You got me there.  No idea.  Perhaps Stalin was a secret fan of Plum?  Stranger things have happened; Reinhard Heydrich, a man with absolutely no morals or conscience, was addicted to Western paperbacks.

Finally -
You know Conrad, a hair-splitting pedant who simply cannot sit still if he knows more than you do - why else write a blog, after all? 
     So, yesterday, something suddenly popped into my mind (see above article re. this happening) about "Jurassic Park".
     "Aha!" realised your humble scribe.  "That electrocution scene is WRONG!   WRONG WRONG WRONG!" ***

Little Timmy meets the electric fence

     You see, Timmy grabs hold of the electric fence as it is turned on.  Rather than blasting him backwards as if propelled by a cannon, his muscles would actually have locked into position and he would have (vegetarians look away now) been roasted like a rat on a rotisserie.^
     Of course, I had to indulge myself by checking IMDB and the Goofs page for JP, and what do you know - there's an immense list of Goofs there, yet nobody mentions the above.  I feel both happy and vindicated.
     Mr. Speilberg probably reasoned that having a charred child's corpse dangling from the wires might negatively impact his film's rating, hence that inaccurate portrayal of electrocution.




*  Russell Brand, if you care to know.  Swiftly followed by Graham Norton.
**  Except for parsnips.  Parsnips are the Devil's carrots.
***  I like to be right.
^  An image of great poetry, eh?