Pet Sounds

This One Takes A Bit Of Development
Like many of the posts here on BOOJUM! you need a bit of patience to eventually make sense (as much as there is of it here) of what I write.  Technically, "type", except that's not poetic enough.
     First of all, I would like to apologise about the lack of photographs of the Moist Orange and Almond Cake that - what's that?  You want an explanation about the title instead of a bit of banter about batter?  

Cake stunt-double

     Pshaw!  Get out of here - I shall type what I like -
     "A MAN A PLAN A CANAL PANAMA" - there you go, I just felt like typing that.*
     Returning from the sidelined sideline, about the cake: for the first time in ages I baked a cake because I felt like it, not because anyone was pecking my melon about it.  I took some into work, where it was appreciatively devoured; I left half at home, where it was clad in chocolate icing and also devoured.
     Did I think to get a photo?  No I did not!  <sigh> next time, gentle readers, next time.

A hen-pecked melon.  O the irony.

     Back on track.  I was struck by a sidebar on the BBC's website yesterday, about "8 Musical Things We'd Like To See Return", although I fervently disagree with the last one - ABBA can safely stay stone dead as far as I'm concerned, ta very much.  One or two struck a chord, mind.** Art?

     The Gizmotron.  A device invented by those clever chaps Lol Creme and Kevin Godley, who split off from 10cc in order to make a triple album with their <ahem> plastic pet and conquer the world.
     Except not.  They devoted an enormous amount of studio time and money recording "Consequences", only for punk rock to overtake them and render the whole thing obsolete before even being released.  Art?

Hmmm.  Distinctly shoddy.

     So there you have it - the sounds from their mechanical musical pet actually sank both them and the company that produced it.
     What's that?  You mistakenly thought this was going to be about an album released by those Californian rascals the Beach Boys, which by AN AMAZING COINCIDENCE has exactly the same title?  Pah!  You're making this up!

 - and the consequence was - bankruptcy!

BOOJUM! Reviews Films
Remember our rules: we make them up as we go along, which is liable to change at any moment, because Capricious is in our DNA.***
"The Snowman": I only watched a few minutes of this yet immediately found something to dislike about it.  Aren't I talented!  And don't make the mistake of thinking this is that soppy animated film about a winsome man made out of snow.  No, this is a murder mystery set in the murder capital of the world - Oslo!  Well, according to author Jo Nesbo it is; you can't cross a street or open a cupboard in Oslo without coming across a body.
     Anyway, what I wanted to gripe about was casting, because the protagonist Harry Hole is a typical Nordic giant, six and a half feet^ tall and at least twenty stone^ with no fat present. 

No, Art, no.
<sounds of Tazer charging up>

That Armie Hammer chap would be a good fit, so who do they cast? 
     Miniature Michael Fassbender.
     Okay, he's not actually small, but he's a lot smaller than the character is.
     Bah!
"Darkest Hour": Now, this looks especially like Conrad's bag.  Although I am still annoyed with the bus poster that declaims in foot-high^ print "THIS FILM MUST BE SEEN".
     WELL OF COURSE IT MUST BE!  How else does the human sensorium perceive a visual medium except by sight?  When was the last time you smelt a film?
     Copywriters, go very far away very quickly!

The Andromeda Galaxy will do

"Hostiles": Another title that tells one virtually nothing about the film.  Who is being hostile?  Why are they hostile?  Did they get out of the wrong side of bed?  Chip a nail?  Run a busload of orphaned nuns and puppies off the road?  To whom are they hostile, or do they suffer from a non-specific generalised rage at the entire world?^^
     Unless - have I misread the title?  It's about a Vietnamese vendor of roofing artefacts - "Ho's Tiles"?

Thus

*  It's a palindrome.
**  Do you see - O you do.
***  Not our bones.  Alien, you see.  We have a vanadium-steel endoskeleton.
^  None of that metric nonsense here.
^^  Like me!