I mean, if you're going to pass through the infernal kingdom, then you had to get there in the first place. Am I right?
"Of course you are, Conrad! You're always right! And our hunky handsome hero to boot!" I hear you - no, hang on, that's the voices in my head. Away with you, voices!
Right. Actually, pondering on the infernal kingdom, I am also now pondering on Charon and the River Styx. If you remember your classical Greek mythology, Charon had a lock on a pretty lucrative business: ferrying the dead across the River Styx, for which the dead paid him a fixed fee. Nobody else seems to have come along and offered the dead a better deal - "Two souls transported for the price of one! Free wine! Exotic Scythian dancers!" - so Charon appears to have had the market all to himself. Conrad, being an inquisitive and mischievous soul, wonders also that nobody bothered to build a bridge across the Styx and charge the dead a toll to cross it. Or, given that architects and construction workers dislike venturing into the Pit, would that have been <ahem> a bridge too far?
 |
| Hunky and heroic both open to question |
Okay! Leaving aside the issues of venture capitalism before venture capitalism existed, let us now praise famous Ben.
 |
| No! Art, you sub-human sloven |
- I do apologise for Art, he's been eating too much coal. Don't worry, a good Tazering followed by cattle-prodding will bring him round.
<please imagine a long tortuous re-education session with sparks and burnt flesh>
There! Okay, famous Ben.
 |
| I checked and - he's still alive! |
Ben Folds, that is. Why praise him? Because he deserves the plaudits whilst he's still alive, and - he's still alive.
Actually I ought to cease prating about him. Fate, that fickle and capricious mistress, is always eavesdropping, and, back on that classical Greek theme, remember - Hubris!
Actually I ought to cease prating about him. Fate, that fickle and capricious mistress, is always eavesdropping, and, back on that classical Greek theme, remember - Hubris!
BOOJUM! Reviews Films
- and a television program, otherwise today's title wouldn't make any sense. Well, as much sense as we ever aspire to round here, which is not a fixed metric.*
Remember our Film Critic credentials - fickle and capricious!* * Shallow and generalising! Liable to break these rules at less than a moment's notice! Okay, let the torture begin -
"Coco": Conrad narrows his eyes, a facial rictus that makes small children cry. For why? The Lord deliver us, another <insert swears here> Disney children's cartoon, that's why! And the animators had a challenge here - come up with a Smiley Skeleton. Well, they managed it, the pikers. Conrad is not sure what this wretched farrago is about, but he hates cocoa to begin with, so this misery can go to Hades in short order.
"Downsized": One thing the South Canadians resent about Perfidious Albion is that they speak English still, so they try to get back at us by inflicting their own Ameringlish on the world, usually in the form of euphemisms. "Let go" is a rather feeble version of "I am firing you (whilst rubbing my hands and tweaking the ends of my moustache)", for example, and here's another one. "Downsizing" actually means "We're firing a whole lot of you and there's nothing you can do about it", which, given the bus poster's colour palette, probably means it's a comedy.
"Highway Thru Hell": This is apparently a reality television program set in the wilds of British America's British Columbia, or, if that's too confusing for you - Canada. If we can reach Art with the pitchfork prongs -
I must say, Hell looks quite the opposite of how common perception has it. Distinctly icy, in fact. Which, to me at least, looks perfectly delicious. Anyway, it's about big trucks recovering other big trucks. In the snow.
What's that? You were expecting a hair-thrashing frenzy of hard rock based around the AC/DC album "Highway to Hell"? Pshaw! You're making it up! I don't believe any such band exists, let alone such an album, and even if they DID it would be an amazing coincidence.* * *
More Of Big Rigs
Yes, we are back to Le Tourneau and their monster machines. This has been a surprisingly fruitful topic, and I have discovered more about Ol' RGT than I knew before. For one, the Allies invaded Normandy with almost all of their heavy plant made by his firm; and he was self-taught (and clever with it for an auto-dicact). So! let us look at one of those peculiar land-scraping devices that - well - scrape land. Art?
This particular beast was invented by a familiar name - RG Tourneau. It is used to literally scrape ground flat, so you can have a nice level surface to build upon. RGT decided that a single scraper wasn't efficient enough, so -
- and a television program, otherwise today's title wouldn't make any sense. Well, as much sense as we ever aspire to round here, which is not a fixed metric.*
Remember our Film Critic credentials - fickle and capricious!* * Shallow and generalising! Liable to break these rules at less than a moment's notice! Okay, let the torture begin -
"Coco": Conrad narrows his eyes, a facial rictus that makes small children cry. For why? The Lord deliver us, another <insert swears here> Disney children's cartoon, that's why! And the animators had a challenge here - come up with a Smiley Skeleton. Well, they managed it, the pikers. Conrad is not sure what this wretched farrago is about, but he hates cocoa to begin with, so this misery can go to Hades in short order.
| Go on, off and pay Charon |
"Downsized": One thing the South Canadians resent about Perfidious Albion is that they speak English still, so they try to get back at us by inflicting their own Ameringlish on the world, usually in the form of euphemisms. "Let go" is a rather feeble version of "I am firing you (whilst rubbing my hands and tweaking the ends of my moustache)", for example, and here's another one. "Downsizing" actually means "We're firing a whole lot of you and there's nothing you can do about it", which, given the bus poster's colour palette, probably means it's a comedy.
"Highway Thru Hell": This is apparently a reality television program set in the wilds of British America's British Columbia, or, if that's too confusing for you - Canada. If we can reach Art with the pitchfork prongs -
I must say, Hell looks quite the opposite of how common perception has it. Distinctly icy, in fact. Which, to me at least, looks perfectly delicious. Anyway, it's about big trucks recovering other big trucks. In the snow.
What's that? You were expecting a hair-thrashing frenzy of hard rock based around the AC/DC album "Highway to Hell"? Pshaw! You're making it up! I don't believe any such band exists, let alone such an album, and even if they DID it would be an amazing coincidence.* * *
More Of Big Rigs
Yes, we are back to Le Tourneau and their monster machines. This has been a surprisingly fruitful topic, and I have discovered more about Ol' RGT than I knew before. For one, the Allies invaded Normandy with almost all of their heavy plant made by his firm; and he was self-taught (and clever with it for an auto-dicact). So! let us look at one of those peculiar land-scraping devices that - well - scrape land. Art?
 |
 |
| Curiouser and curiouser ... |
* I apologise for using this horrid work and will attempt to avoid it
* * Hmmm, that seems familiar ...
* * * Honest.
* * Hmmm, that seems familiar ...
* * * Honest.
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