I refer, lest it not be clear, to that irreverent and NSFW marionette picture "Team America". There. Now I've done it, spoiled the joke by explaining it.
"How long can he keep on punning about film titles and either tea or coffee?" I hear you quakingly query.
Well, on this evidence, a very long time indeed. It's a gift*.
Okay, before we go any further, let me just check that Ben Folds is still alive - Phew! Yes, he only got a bit sunburnt, not roasted alive by an Enhanced Radiation Warhead. Tish - these paparazzi!
Which reference to Ben is entirely appropriate, because whilst typing this I am listening to Death Cab For Cutie's "Transatlanticism" track, which is epic and great and unavailable.
The Curse of Conrad has struck, again. You recall, I hope, my discovery of The Mars Volta, who then promptly broke up. When I tried to get hold of Apollo 440's "Dude Descending A Staircase" I found out it had been deleted as a catalogue item.
So it proved with "Transatlanticism". The thoughtful girl at Fopp! went to check on ordering it and - it's been discontinued. Over at Vinyl Exchange the staff member explained that they rarely got it in as a second-hand item. They didn't have it in at That's Entertainment in Oldham, either. Well of course not - are you going to offer up a CD that you'll never be able to get back again?
Bah!
This, you see, is why your humble scribe keeps anxious track of any group he suddenly acquires a taste for.
Okay, here's a good time to take the motley and push it down the ski ramp**.
The Problem With Perfidious Albion -
- most especially if you have a dispute with it, is that it's an island. Hard to get off, yes, and even harder to get onto, especially if the locals are not keen on making your acquaintance.
Yes, we are back to discussing the flaws and failures within the Teuton invasion plan "Operation Sealion".
I did mention previously that their invasion fleet consisted largely of Rhine barges of dubious ocean-going capability. Not only that, taking hundreds of barges from their daily traffic on the Rhine impacted on the Teuton economy in a bad way: they couldn't be spared for long. Not only that, the RAF regularly paid nightly bombing visits to these collections of barges, and sank lots of them - up to 10% of those assembled, in fact. How many would have actually survived an invasion attempt is a moot point.
The Teuton higher command, frankly, wanted nothing whatsoever with Der Fuhrer's invasion planning and all tried to pass the responsibility to each other. Nor did they even bother to co-ordinate their plans. Thus the OKW (Army high command) told the OKM (Naval high command) that they were going to land thirteen divisions on the English coast from Dover to Bournemouth, simultaneously, ta very much.
The OKM heads laughed politely, then realised it wasn't a joke, and informed the OKW that they could land at most nine brigades - that is, nine times one third of a division - on a very narrow beach-head.
The Luftwaffe went ahead with a completely separate plan to tackle the RAF without bothering to inform or co-operate with either OKW or OKM. We know how that went ...
The Navy were also very, very cross at the Army's dismissal of a Channel crossing as simply being "an extended river crossing", and justifiably so. A river crossing doesn't need to worry about tides or weather or how long daylight lasts - these are all critical for an amphibious assault.
Hmmm, that's all a bit heavy, isn't it? A bit of light and frothy wouldn't go amiss.
More Of The BOOJUM! Stable
I've already introduced you to Clarissa the Cannibal Combat Chicken, Tony the Ten Ton Terror Toad, and Wally the Weasel. The Coincidence Hydra is more an associate than a member, included as it so often ends up with it's teeth in my behind. I left out -
Frank the Ferociously Farting Frog: You may be aware of those tiny South American frogs that ooze deadly toxins. With Frank, it's flatulence. He can empty a room in seconds, at which point the CIA agents waiting outside (with discreet gas-masks to hand) dash in to steal things.
* Opinions on this vary.
** On skis, but handcuffed to a wild cat.
Okay, before we go any further, let me just check that Ben Folds is still alive - Phew! Yes, he only got a bit sunburnt, not roasted alive by an Enhanced Radiation Warhead. Tish - these paparazzi!
Which reference to Ben is entirely appropriate, because whilst typing this I am listening to Death Cab For Cutie's "Transatlanticism" track, which is epic and great and unavailable.
The Curse of Conrad has struck, again. You recall, I hope, my discovery of The Mars Volta, who then promptly broke up. When I tried to get hold of Apollo 440's "Dude Descending A Staircase" I found out it had been deleted as a catalogue item.
 |
| He looks as horrified as I was |
So it proved with "Transatlanticism". The thoughtful girl at Fopp! went to check on ordering it and - it's been discontinued. Over at Vinyl Exchange the staff member explained that they rarely got it in as a second-hand item. They didn't have it in at That's Entertainment in Oldham, either. Well of course not - are you going to offer up a CD that you'll never be able to get back again?
Bah!
 |
| I cannot explain it. |
This, you see, is why your humble scribe keeps anxious track of any group he suddenly acquires a taste for.
Okay, here's a good time to take the motley and push it down the ski ramp**.
The Problem With Perfidious Albion -
- most especially if you have a dispute with it, is that it's an island. Hard to get off, yes, and even harder to get onto, especially if the locals are not keen on making your acquaintance.
Yes, we are back to discussing the flaws and failures within the Teuton invasion plan "Operation Sealion".
I did mention previously that their invasion fleet consisted largely of Rhine barges of dubious ocean-going capability. Not only that, taking hundreds of barges from their daily traffic on the Rhine impacted on the Teuton economy in a bad way: they couldn't be spared for long. Not only that, the RAF regularly paid nightly bombing visits to these collections of barges, and sank lots of them - up to 10% of those assembled, in fact. How many would have actually survived an invasion attempt is a moot point.
 |
| Teuton sophistication Summer 1940 |
The OKM heads laughed politely, then realised it wasn't a joke, and informed the OKW that they could land at most nine brigades - that is, nine times one third of a division - on a very narrow beach-head.
The Luftwaffe went ahead with a completely separate plan to tackle the RAF without bothering to inform or co-operate with either OKW or OKM. We know how that went ...
 |
| How to scare cats the Admiral Raeder way! |
The Navy were also very, very cross at the Army's dismissal of a Channel crossing as simply being "an extended river crossing", and justifiably so. A river crossing doesn't need to worry about tides or weather or how long daylight lasts - these are all critical for an amphibious assault.
| We wear our badge with pride |
Hmmm, that's all a bit heavy, isn't it? A bit of light and frothy wouldn't go amiss.
More Of The BOOJUM! Stable
I've already introduced you to Clarissa the Cannibal Combat Chicken, Tony the Ten Ton Terror Toad, and Wally the Weasel. The Coincidence Hydra is more an associate than a member, included as it so often ends up with it's teeth in my behind. I left out -
Frank the Ferociously Farting Frog: You may be aware of those tiny South American frogs that ooze deadly toxins. With Frank, it's flatulence. He can empty a room in seconds, at which point the CIA agents waiting outside (with discreet gas-masks to hand) dash in to steal things.
 |
| Don't Breathe! |
* Opinions on this vary.
** On skis, but handcuffed to a wild cat.
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