Funeral For A Fiend

No!
That is not a typo.  I shall have to explain this, for some of you are not as hip as what I am on the music scene, innit.
     Funeral For A Friend were a post-hardcore melodic-metal band from Wales, who did the decent thing and broke up in 2016, after a career that ran from 2003.  Their debut album, "Casually Dressed & Deep In Conversation" is noted for using an ampersand is noted for being one of the touchstone emo records of the Oughties.

End result of a funeral for a friend

     There, I've ironed all the humour out of that one, haven't I?
     "But you haven't explained what you mean, Conrad?  What does that worrying title mean?  And are there any chocolate-coated digestive biscuits left?"
     Excuse me?  Don't confuse me with someone who's going to make you a brew.
     Okay, enter - ALFRED HITCHCOCK!

Lugubrious

     Another explanation is in offer, I suppose, as a lot of modern cinematic illiterates won't have the faintest idea whom your humble scribe refers to.
     Alfred Hitchcock, famed film director, who tried to insert a little cameo of himself in all his films, and who is famous for "Rear Window", "The Birds" and "Torn Curtain".  There was another film whose name escapes me, involving someone who stuffed birds and murdered people, or perhaps he murdered birds and stuffed people.  It's a bit hazy.

It does?  How horrid!  Not for me, thanks

     Ol' Alf did love to kill people, or have them chopped up, or strangled, or variously murdered; he might have been known as "The Master of Suspense", but only because the more accurate "The Man Who Likes To MURDER People" wouldn't look good as a headline.
     He is probably best known across The Pond in South Canada for the television program he presented, known - without any post-modern irony, ta very much - as "Alfred Hitchcock Presents".  Art?

Does what it says on the tin

     There's the "Fiend" for you.  The "Funeral" part?  Okay, AHP's theme tune was a jaunty little composition, which I shall link for you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_egPlYIXKYQ

     Quite a sprightly tune.  As I only discovered today, listening to Radio 3 - the channel for music snobs - it's by Charles Gounod, and is titled "Funeral March for a Marionette".
     So there you go.
     I went on a bit there, didn't I?  And all without trying.
     Okay, time to close the coffin lid on the motley at the bottom of the grave and fire up the JCB*.

Conrad, Pedantic Hairsplitter Par Excellence
Yes, although we already knew that.  Hey, it's one of my best qualities!
      Anyway, there I was, perusing the BBC's website, when a photograph caught my eye, as they sought to promote a drama series entitled "Peaky Blinders".  I shall poke Art with a fork.  Art!

Please note the gun

     Now, I've not seen the program, and don't intend to, as there are only 25 hours in a day and I'm currently watching "Big Trouble In Little China".  However, I understand that it is set in the aftermath of the First Unpleasantness.
     DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DA - oh no sorry that was "Lost In Space", wasn't it?
     No, what I meant is that the sub-machine gun that Peaky is dangling off his shoulders is a Steyr-Solothurn MP34 ("Maschinen Pistole 34") after the year 1934, when it was made, by the Austrian armourers.  Art?  (I shall use a pizza-slice this time).

Compare and contrast

      The thing is, this was the King of Sub-machine guns, made from quality materials, precision engineered and finished to a very high standard, and it consequently cost an arm and a leg - if not all four limbs together.  So, unless Ol' Peaky is best mates with The Doctor and has a big bag of gold - he's not going to have one of these.
     From memory, at least one of these turns up in "Hot Fuzz", too.  Just so you know.

     I did spot another goof in "The Bridge at Remagen" that nobody else has, but I understand your ability to cope with these things is limited, so I shan't push it.  Today.

Some People Have Entirely TOO MUCH Time On Their Hands
Which ought to have the Irony Osprey come peck my head.  It can try, I'm wearing my Adrian helmet, just to see if it fits.  Beak versus metal = no contest.
     Anyway, let us get on with it.  I refer to that icon of the internet, Jim.  He of the website "Jim'll Paint It", which betrays a paucity of the imagination - why not "Balthazar Cadwallader the Third'll Paint It"?  It's your website, Jim, but if you need any more imaginative suggestions about titles, Conrad's yer man.
     So!  I really liked this one.  Art?  Face the vegetable-peeler!

"Pennywise the clown working as the IT department guy and being overwhelmed
with tech support work"

     That caption is what someone suggested Jim paint.  Yes.  Nothing more needs to be said.  Oh, except to add-in a link for his website in case he notices this and takes offence.

http://jimllpaintit.tumblr.com/


*  It's only an endurance test, the motley's not dead.  Well, not yet, anyway.