Pet Sounds

Note The Lack Of Punnery There

Because this title has it's origins in Grim Reality.  There I was at the bus stop, pondering darkly on how, exactly, to punish people for liking Strictly Come Dancing when I take over the world - hey, forward planning is seldom wasted! - and what popped into my head but a brilliant idea about riffing on a classic album title for the blog.

     "Pet Sounds" I decided.  A classic by the Beach Boys, and it really is, too.  'Sloop John B.' is a personal favourite of mine.  And, if you do not swoon with delight o'er the good rockin' accordions on 'Wouldn't It Be Nice", then you are beyond hope.  Take the blue pill NOW.

     Anyway, back to reality, or as close to it as we get here - not too close, it can be a bit boring.  Pet Sounds!

     Enter Edna.  Art?

     Ah.  Typical.  You want her animated, she's having a silent snooze, wrapped in a blanket by some silly soppy softy - er - concerned citizen*.

     Normally, Edna's particular sounds are a pathetic whimpering as she sits and stares at you eating your dinner, or an excited whine when she hears the word "Walkies".  The other sound is that of her cursed squeaky bone, a noisy plastic toy of hers.  Art?

CAUTION!  May annoy neighbours

     Once she gets this in her mouth, she expects you to chase her, which means a sussurus of squeaks EEH-AAW EEH-AWW EEH-AWWEEH-AWWEEHAWW - you get the idea.  None of the neighbours have complained yet -

Do You Want Explosions With That?
This goes back a long way, and was brought on by having purchased the Bad Company trade paperback of "First Casualties", which Art will illustrate once we poke him awake with the paperknife -

Thus

     "Wowsers!" I thought to myself.  "Whatever ammunition they're using, it does an awful lot of damage."  Then, being both creative and evil**, I imagined what said SAA (small arms ammunition) might be.
     DUCAL ammunition, actually.  All my own invention out of my imagination, which possibly tells you more than either of us care to know.  "DUCAL" being an acronym for Depleted Uranium Californium, the DU being the core, the Californium being the tip.  DU we already know and love - incredibly dense and toxic to boot, and just the right porridge for anti-tank rounds.  Californium is a bit more speculative, as it's synthetic, extremely rare and hideously costly.  I hope it doesn't conjure up the Beach Boys and Pet Sounds, either.  By reputation, a single round of SAA made of Cf98 goes off like a trainload of explosives.  So a mere tip on your bullet is sufficient, because if you hit your target with one of these puppies, you'll be collecting the remnants with a pair of tweezers and interring them in a thimble.
     My, how imaginative I am!  Okay, I haven't patented any of this but if DARPA come up with a Wonder Bullet in the next decade, I want royalties ...

And Now For Today's Attack Of The Coincidence Hydra -
Back to a martial theme, I am afraid.  Kind of.  Yesterday I was blathering about how accurate Minuteman III re-entry vehicles were, and that they had successfully impacted at the target zone on Kwajalein Atoll, in the beautiful blue Pacific.***  Art?

A sketchy kind of island

     It's not a word that I use a lot, nor does it crop up very often in conversation, so I was somewhat startled to see it appear as an answer in today's Cryptic Crossword.  Art?

Worst Of The First
Yes, those bumbletucks First Bus have been getting unwarrantedly cocky of late, since my Frothing Nitric Ire has been directed principally at Windbag Willie Shakespeare.  Let us remedy that, hmmmm?
     One consequence of working the late shift is being subject to the vagaries of evening bus schedules, which have all the accuracy of a stopped clock.  Take the 409 that turned up late in Royton last night.  At that time of the evening there is very little traffic and few passengers, so how do they manage to be late?

The public face of First Bus

     "Ceaselesssss practice and yearssss of experience!" said a spokesdemon at First, when contacted by the blog.

*  Not me! Not me!
**  Two of my better qualities.
***  Well, if you like that sort of thing.