Conrad likes it cold. This is because my icy alien homeworld, [INFORMATION REDACTED BY ORDER H.M. GOVERNMENT] system, has a daily temperature of about -400C on a summer's day. Hence our chilly temperament.
Here on Earth, your primitive refrigeration devices dubbed "freezers" try to approximate this balmy climate, and do so at the cost of adding layers of ice to their interior. Thus today my minor project has been defrosting the small freezer. Art?
The fruit of my labours. This is the removed ice, having been sitting in the washing-up bowl for three hours. I'm not sure if this is a testament to how cold the weather is, or how long that ice had been building up.
Now that we've broken the ice*, it's time to drop a scorpion down the back of the motley's shirt and give it a slap**.
Shakespoke
Those who revere the Swab of Avon (because there are some very peculiar people out there), look away now! Oh, how I delight in getting my own back on him, for making school and college a trial and a torment. He might have been getting complacent due to a lack of mock, so this ought to put him firmly in his place. Okay, let the pomposity-puncturing begin -
"Life is a tale told by an idiot"
Hey, how many "Lives" have you begot?
All those plays about Henry and Dick -
As idiots go, you are the very pick.
The quote is from "MacBeth" if you need to know, where Ol' Mac goes on to bemoan life in general at great length. Frankly, he's a real buzzkill and I bet he doesn't get invited to many parties. Also for your information, there are eleven plays that claim to be historical ones.
| Henry V. "V. Cross", perhaps? |
This Is Why Stuntmen Get Danger Money
We are once again back to that very productive film "The Bridge at Remagen", and I did mention a goof that nobody else seems to have noticed. About 2 minutes in, we see the Teuton defenders of the Obercassel Bridge firing on the South Canadian armoured column heading to capture it. For one scene, less than a second long, they intercut a battle scene from much later in the film.
Don't worry, I shan't inflict it on you. No, what I want to bring up is a stunt at approximately 20 minutes running time, where - SPOILER ALERT! - Captain Colt's jeep is hit by Panzerfaust shells and blown up. I shall prod Art awake with a spoon -
I hope these get the point across. Here you see two stuntmen leaping from the moving jeep as the pyrotechnic people set off their flash-bangs. No CGI here! If they mis-time it then they go up with the jeep, and while the film might be sped up slightly to make it look as if performed at speed, you can't do that too much.
Oh, it wasn't a non-lethal scorpion. Okay, okay, call the ambulance. This will get docked from the motley's weekly salary, though. And motley? stop frothing at the mouth!
Where were we? Oh yes, we were about to draw blood and test it with a hot needle, because - no, sorry, that was "The Thing", wasn't it? Ah! Got it.
Farewell to Forward Operating Base Cholmondeley
I shall have to tidy up tomorrow and remove all my impedimenta from the FOB, as the other denizens of this domicile are due to return on Monday, and they will not be happy if it's left in it's current condition. Art?
Finally -
If I were to say to you "Swamp Thing", the chances are that you'd instantly be thinking of the comics character re-invented to potent effect by Alan Moore.
| Sic |
I refer instead to the PWCE amphibious logging vehicle, that can cut down and load up trees on either land or water, up to a total of 200,000 lbs. Art?
 |
| PWCE version |
The PWCE Swamp Thing - you know it makes sense!***
* Do you see what - O you do.
** It's a non-lethal scorpion. We had a choice of lethal or non-lethal and chose the latter. I'm almost positive we chose the latter. Well, we'll see.
*** So why it's present in BOOJUM! is a matter for speculation.
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