You what? You what!

Shopping
     No need to ponder, prevaricate or palliate about potential prose, today's BOOJUM! begins with that wretched activity described above. 
     Given that the family needs to feed, Conrad takes it upon himself once a week to do a big shop.  He also recalls a newspaper article many years ago that pronounced the weekly shop was " a leisure activity".
     IT IS NOT!  IT IS NOT AT ALL!
     Doing the weekly shopping is a necessary evil.  I look forward to the dawn of nanotechnology that will enable us to produce endless foodstuffs by using a 3D organic printer in the kitchen
     Don't bother about shopping for clothes, either.  This is the most heinous of all activities that deprives me of real leisure time.  If you want to know Conrad's view on clothes-shopping, watch the film "As Good As It Gets", specifically the scene where Jack Nicholson's character goes to buy a jacket.
     He leans in the door, points at a jacket and says "I'll have that one!".  There.  Done in ten seconds. 
     - and that, Victoria, is the proper way to shop.

I'd rather do this than Asda

Procrastination
     Yes, another venture into English like wot she is spoke.  This is so obviously a surgical procedure it needs no further explanation, right?  I mean, it's doubtless a method of boring into the skull in order to release all those evil humours that -
     Oh it's not?  It has nothing to do with surgery?  No using a Black and Decker to drill holes - ah, okay, we can skip that bit.
     Apparently it means to put off a task.  That's it.
     What about anticrastination, where you actively seek to take on a job earlier than you needed?  Or pseudocrastination, where you only pretend to put things off until tomorrow, or hypocrastination <Mr Hand says please proceed to Page 96 where this rant continues>


Somewhat ticked-off, eh?
 

Conrad in the Workplace
     I returned to work today, much to the surprise of fellow workers.  Apart from Anna, whom yesterday offered to bake cupcakes for the ganterpies  and whom thus knew I would be venturing up to the 3rd floor today.  Thank you Anna!  just don't get too good and steal Conrad's thunder, ta very much.
     Also blotted copybook - hmm, an analogy probably completely foreign to today's youth okay to recap - put foot in it with Sophie, who asked about whether I'd baked anything or not.  "No!" replied Conrad.  "My glamourous understudy - " which is Anna for those not paying attention - " - has baked cupcakes for all!".
     Short pause.
     "I thought I was your glamourous understudy," replied Sophie, in a dangerous undertone.
     Think fast Conrad, think fast!
     "You can be, but you're too good at baking to be an understudy.  We can be primus inter pares," I said, and had to explain it meant "first amongst equals".
     I may have gotten away with this.  If BOOJUM! doesn't continue past this date I was wrong.

Anna and Sophie in the office.  When out partying they wear less.  Jewellery!  Less jewellery.

So - Tanks?
     Yes indeed.  What does 18 tons of manure look like in armoured form?  O I thought you'd never ask:


The Covenanter.  So named because it's as effective as a coven of ants.

This rascal was rushed into production without proper testing, and then produced without anyone listening to the testers, and then used without anyone listening to the users.  Rush, rush, rush.  It was a rubbish tank, so bad that we sent them to the Russians*, who used them as high-speed go-karts on special circuits behind the lines.


Well, time to go tackle that banoffee ice-cream!


*Did you get the "rush" pun?  No?  For f - say it aloud!