BOOJUM!: The Biter Bit, Lit By Lit.

I Am Being Arty And Pseudlike There

When I say 'Lit.' - the full stop is important - I mean 'Literature', rather than the fireplace or an open bonfire in the back garden, or an abbreviation for 'Litre' HIDEOUS METRIC MEASUREMENT or even Lithuanian. Art!

We will just assume that this cartoon was penned by a Lithuanian immigrant to South Canada.

So, what is this particular BOOJUM! about? O I thought you'd never ask!

Yesteryon we focussed on Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, the prominent South Canadian satirist, and we detailed what he'd done as satire, as well as other examples of this literary art. Conrad then dug up a couple of cases with Ol' Ammy at the helm, where there had been scalding literary criticism of one author by another, Ammy holding them as being utterly deficient in their craft and art. Bierce could be fierce.

We'll come back to that, when we eventually circle round , as there are a few literary feuds I want to look at first. Where Lit bites Lit, if you appreciate the intent of our title. Art!

This is more a polite literary convention than a feud (jokingly defined as the 'Clarke-Asimov Treaty'), wherein one of the sci-fi 'Big Three' of the Fifties and Sixties, Arthur C. Clarke, he at port, had an agreement with Isaac Asimov, another of the 'Big Three', he to starboard, that, if either of them were asked whom was better, Arthur would reply that Isaac was the better science author, and Isaac would reply that Arthur was the better fiction author. Having read both extensively, I have to say that this is not a bad compromise. One cannot imagine Isaac bemoaning the death by charcoal of a pan of sausages in a Lunar excursion buggy, or Arthur explaining the complex quantum physics behind propelling a protagonist into the future, quite by accident. There are other sci-fi authors with problematic relationships that are so hideously awful that they cannot be depicted here in BOOJUM! MZM may you endure the endless fires of Hades.

ANYWAY Art!

To port is Hans Christian Andersen, yes, that bloke, and to starboard is the fantastically-bewhiskered Charles Dickens, both literary titans of the mid-nineteenth century. HCA got invited to lodge in the Dickens' abode, for a few days, which he stretched out to five weeks. There is a saying, 'Never meet your heroes', because their baser nature may appal you. Thus it was that HCA, whom sounds like an utter bampot much given to weeping and wailing and being a demanding bottomhole, going down like a neutronium balloon in the Dickens' household, which was composed of solid middle-class English folk who scorned Continental fripperies such as emotion and drama, was never contacted by Dickens again. Good job he never married into them, or heavens knows what British fiction would have suffered. Art!

She should be okay, the Thames has become a lot cleaner since Dickens' time, just don't try drinking it. Plus you might want to don a full underwater HazMat suit before swimming across it.

ANYWAY ANYWAY I remembered what this Intro was supposed to be about. Do forgive me, the party in my head makes it hard to concentrate. Art!

Whilst I was trawling through "The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary" yesteryon, I came across 'Literature', and as always, Ol' Ammy did not disappoint.

"Literature, n: The collective body of the writings of all mankind, excepting Hubert Howe Bancroft and Adair Welker. Theirs are Illiterature."

O wow, just as snarky as you'd expect Ammy to be, but since TEDD wasn't published until 1967, and he was writing 60 years earlier at the earliest, the allusion is rather lost on a modern audience. Art!

This is HHB, whom had pretensions back in the day of being a accomplished scholar, with many learned works to his name in the field of <checks> history. However - O that word again! - Ammy (and others) were not at all forgiving or flattering in their criticisms of his work or modus operandi. Bierce described HHB as lording it over a 'Literary sweatshop', where other writers and researchers toiled to provide material, which would eventually end up published under Bancroft's name alone. Art!

In a more acerbic way, Ammy took malicious glee in describing TEDD's need to pump out works as fast as possible, regardless of quality, thanks to the need for publicity. Or, pressure to hit deadlines. A positive feedback loop, hmmmm?

Putting In An Illo

To break up the wall of text. A little variety and all that. Art!

This cropped up on my Youtube feed, for no reason I can understand. Conrad is unaware of how the algorithm decided I needed one of What On Earth this is - something to do with police lights? A Programmable Logic Controller for a melon? Ruffian semaphore signal system?
Ah! So it's a 3D printer. Consider me underwhelmed.

A Not So Gentle Shoeing

If you're bored of Conrad mocking the Big Orange Oaf Himself, either skip this item or find a different blog, as I'm not going to stop or be nicer as I don't have it in me to be forgiving or forgetful. Here's one from late last year. Art!

Thanks to Tweeter 'Aaron Rupar' for these photos, and his pungent description: "Trump last night had the complexion of a Thanksgiving turkey that was left in the oven too long". This, of course - obviously! - is what he looks like after a couple of hours preening, primping preparation. When he goes out to cheat on the golf course he looks more like a 'Sweet Sue' canned chicken in complexion. Art!

ANYWAY ANYWAY that's not what I was posting about. You see, King Fatty has been lying, boasting, exaggerating, lying, whining and threatening about the war with Iran that he began, frequently all in the same sentence. His position has all the consistency of a weathervane in a hurricane. Art!

Here's a quote to illustrate Pumpkinhead's worldview. "If our so-called NATO 'allies' continue to refuse to help with opening the straight of Hormuz, which would be very easy, quick, simple and safe for them, now that the war has been largely won -"

I'll pause it there. Notice that he cannot spell 'strait' correctly even though it's in the news twenty times per day. These NATO 'allies' are the same countries that Donnie Dorko has been slandering and threatening to invade for the past 14 months, and suddenly he needs their help? Besides which, if opening the Strait was such a doddle, he shouldn't need any help, right?

I think this that follows is satire - but it might also be the absolute truth. Art!

I can hear the shade of Ambrose Bierce laughing.

More WoE

You will kindly notice that we here at BOOJUM! use the eminently SFW exclamation 'What on Earth' rather than the NSFW alternative that begins with the same initial. Enough wibble, on with the item. Art!

I had this saved on my Word document where I store images temporarily, for later use, except I suspect there was a text headline that went with it, but which was actually completely separate. Thus I have no idea what this was about. I'm guessing a computer game, as that looks like an Z-Bog controller, or whatever they're called.

Ah! Conrad managed a reverse-image search, which has partly clarified matters. Art!