Yes, We Are Back On The Subject Of Mordorvia
I am working from notes I took from Youtube and Twitter, from 'Jason Jay Smart', 'Jake Broe', 'Daractenus' and self-generated wibble, attempting to tie up all four narrative strands. Art!
That's what you get when asking for an 'Atomic-powered demon tomato', for when a tomato picture is just too dull. Okay, there is a reason for having this here. For one thing, tomatoes in Mordorvia are experiencing significant inflation, up to 18% per month, thanks to imports becoming much more expensive, and sanctions making home-grown varieties also a lot dearer. So, with that in mind - Art!
This is Conrad's riff on an Ukrainian snack I came across in my recipe book last year: scrambled egg, spinach and sliced tomato on toast. Problem is, the whole thing falls apart after the first bite. So, what would happen if I mixed in the veg during the scrambling process? Art!
The whole thing stays together, so I can enjoy the toast, spinach, egg and EXPENSIVE TOMATOES all in one.
ANYWAY the blog is not here to promote Conrad's cuisine skills. Art!
This is the Tikhoretsk oil pipeline hub deep within Ruffia, a major node in their pipeline and pumping network, which has been hit by Ukrainian kinetic sanctions, again - it's been hit before, but the orcs seem to think crossing their fingers and hoping really hard will stop anything going wrong - and allow me to post the 'After' image. Art!
As a result of strikes like this, the amount of Ruffian crude being pumped by pipeline is the lowest in 15 years, meaning increased profits from their crude being unsanctioned by Billy Bonespurs is offset by not being able to get any to export terminii. Ooops. Art!
Courtesy Doctor Smart
This graphic emphasises another aspect of things that Warby - excuse me, 'Paul Warburg' - also pointed out; the Ukrainian drone campaign is now hitting the Ruffians rear in both occupied Ukraine and Mordorvia itself, causing 'Fear in the rear' where the orcs now know they are unsafe, even 90 miles from the border.
Here an aside. During the Second Unpleasantness, hapless Teuton stubble-hoppers in the West learned that nowhere behind their lines was safe from Allied air attack, thanks to thousands of fighter-bombers loitering over their rear areas. This led to a slang term, "Der Deutscher Gruss" or "The German Salute", meaning the need to keep both eyes peeled and the head on a swivel for a Typhoon stooging up on you. One wonders what the Ruffian equivalent is?
ANYWAY AGAIN Art!
Ivan Pankin, a journalist at the above paper, taking advantage of the slightly less intense censorship of print media, has been making comments about the orcs and serfs feeling 'fatigue' and 'exhaustion', which is still quite daring.
He's not alone. Maxim Kalishnikov, previously very pro-Kremlin, is now becoming critical of the regime, daring to mention that the political landscape nowadays resembles that of 1917 (the year of revolutions). Igor Girkin, an absolute excrement in human shape guilty of war crimes and now in prison for criticising the Putin government, but with a cynically accurate eye, claims that the government will continue to trumpet about fake victories. However - O! that word again! - they cannot prevent Ukrainian long range drone and missile strikes (see above). Art!
That's Igor languishing in the dock. He's such a persistent thorn in the Kremlin's side that Conrad is verily amazed that he's still intact and breathing.
Moving onto money matters. Art!
The current official total for March is now $66 billion in the red, or 91% of the planned deficit for the entire year. Nor are we even at the end of March. For the whole year this would hit $300 billion, except - the Teuton intelligence agency has instead stated that the Ruffian budget deficit is being deliberately understated by 66% and actually stands at $110 billion so far. If true, this would put the annual deficit at (!) $500 billion. The question is whether Mordorvia's economy would collapse before year's end and that total is reached, because expenditure of this magnitude is not sustainable. Art!
This is one of the operating sites of the 'Magnitogorsk Iron And Steel Works', and an object lesson in detail of the paragraph above. No, this is not a colourised photograph from the Stalin era; this is now the MISW sites look right now. They are or were, depending on what the date now is, one of the largest employers in Ruffia, having 700,000 staff, distributed across 100 dedicated towns, which is to say their is the only work going in these burgs.
MISW is now operating at only 60% capacity, or a 3-day week, has closed down any investment and projected repairs and intends to lay off 10% of staff, beginning with management. Art!
More of the Telegram saga. The Ruffian military police are now checking the mobile phones of their orcs, with anyone found using it being sent on meat-wave assaults and certain death. This is how seriously the Ruffian state wants to end Telegram and have their orcs and serfs using Max, the spyware created by one of Putin's relatives. Problem is, Max is woefully insecure and liable to be instantly hacked by Ukraine and NATO if used on the battlefield, although your average serf in the towns and cities are supposed to still upload it.
Just for information, every day of the mobile internet blackout costs Ruffia $12 million, so it isn't a painless solution. Art!
What a perceptive and bold young man! Good luck and freedom for the future, matey.
Well, with that wall of text we now need a few illos to balance things out.
More Ungentle Shoeing, If 'Twere Needed
One interesting thing about Donnie Dorko when he gives press briefings aboard Air Force One is his stance; his balance is so poor that he has to cling to the doorframe, or risk an embarrassing pratfall live on air. Art!
I forget where I got this unflattering shot from, but he doesn't look a day over 89, does he? By this point in the day his coiffure is beginning to unravel and his skin now resembles condemned pork left in the sun for three days*.
The Terminator Tin Has Been Beaten In
Another triumph for design over taste, as Conrad, in a moment of weakness, purchased a tin of 'The Terminator' beer. Art!
It's a very 'busy' can design, and because it cost £4 Conrad was going to make it work for the blog. So I emptied into a glass (quite a nice citrussy IPA but not worth £4), then set to with a pair of scissors and a knife. Art!
WORK FOR THE BLOG, BEER, WORK FOR IT!
Well That'll Teach Me
Conrad is happier than a pig at play in phields of the pharmer, to coin a phrase to see how successful Elbow have been over the past <shudders in horror> 25 years. It's always profoundly gratifying to see a good band achieve and maintain success. My thoughts on 'Build A Rocket Boys!' were that it was a bit Meh, nothing particularly brilliant. Art!
Coasting on success is the term, I suppose.
Well, here I am listening to 'Open Arms' from that album for the second time this afternoon, as it's a rousing anthemic sing-along buoyed up by sheer verve and positivity. Well done that band!
Finally -
Going out with another quote from my 'QI Book Of Banter' (a present from Darling Daughter many moons ago).
'There is nothing so desperately monotonous as the sea, and I no longer wonder at the cruelty of pirates.' James Russell Lowell (South Canadian author, anti-slavery campaigner and US Ambassador to Great Britain)
* Or, 'just right' according to Conrad's tastes. And stomach.
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