- which is an euphemism for death - the Sternwood's chauffeur is murdered by person or persons unknown, and it's never solved in either medium. Art!
Even Chandler himself didn't know. It kick-starts the film off with the car and driver being recovered from the end of a pier, beginning as it means to go on.
Well, I have another mystery centred around a car for you, one featuring a quite swingeing revenge by the hubbo in a pending divorce case. One thing missing from the whole tortuous tale is what kind of car it was, which does not remotely bother Your Humble Scribe, as to him car is a metal box with a wheel at each corner. Never mind brake horsepower, does it have a CD player? Art!
 |
| The important bit |
To begin with, Spiteful Petty Ex Wife, hereafter SPEW - actually not divorced just yet, but definitely separated - had possession of the car and keys, both of which had been paid for by Scrupulously Legal Exacting Writer, hereafter SLEW. They were living apart at this point, he on his own and she with her bottomhole boyfriend, SPEW's Loud Abusive Boyfriend, hereafter SLAB. We are not told how or why she got the car if SLEW paid for it, so we'll just accept this as a fait accompli. She wanted to be able to keep the car, so she filed for a Restraining Order against SLEW, meaning he couldn't legally go within 500 yards of her, thus putting the car out of reach. Violation of an RO means that the cops are called immediately and will turn up in a hurry, anticipating a Domestic Violence case. Art!
SLEW stated later in this Youtube saga from 'Dark Fluff' that he was a veteran, probably a senior NCO as he was verrrrry organised, practical and efficient. He immediately lodged an appeal, then collected his company's, his own and the Department of Transport GPS logs about the car's location, also writing a 3-page testimony about the background. Then he contacted the dealership the car came from and got a second key ordered and delivered. Getting his ducks in line.
The appeal date comes up on a Friday, SLEW drives two states away to the court - presumably in a hire-car - and arrives there 4 hours early, with the mass of documentation to hand, which is a bit of a waste as SPEW is a no-show. The judge finds in his favour.
'Can I retrieve my car?' asks SLEW. The judge studiously avoids saying yes or no, as that would be considered legal advice that they are not allowed to deliver, BUT does instruct a clerk of the court to deliver a signed 'Order Of Dismissal' for the RO. A 'yes' without saying 'yes'. Art!
SLEW takes an Uber to SLAB's house, where indeed the car in question is parked up and with his new second key, gets in and drives off in it, RO no longer applying. Within 30 minutes SLAB is on the phone ranting and raving, including making a death threat, all of which is recorded and used by SLEW to open a court case on Monday for a Temporary Restraining Order. The judge overseeing the TRO is the same judge dealing with their divorce case, which seems a bit Conflict-of-Interest to Conrad but then I am not a lawyer. The TRO is granted, protecting SLEW, his property and, crucially, his not-yet-ex wife, whom he had legally put down as his spouse on the TRO application.
Why so protective? O I didn't think you'd ask!
Because SPEW was living with SLAB in his parent's basement, she had to move out as SLAB was forbidden to be within 300 yards of her. So she was now homeless.
It seems SLAB, a grown man living in his parent's basement, didn't have a car of his own, nor the funds to buy one, so SPEW lacked transport, meaning she lost her new job as she couldn't get there on time. So she was now jobless. Not only that, her college was too far distant for her to be able to use public transport to get there, so she failed her course but still had the outstanding loans to pay. So now she was penniless. To top it all off, she was also 4 months pregnant by SLAB.
SLEW finished this narrative there, so we don't know the ultimate fate of his ex and her boyfriend, but I am willing to bet folding money that their relationship also folded.
There are also the divorce proceedings, which I will detail separately or this entire blog would be about SPEW. I bet you can hardly wait.
In Topsy-Turvy Land
A.k.a. Mordorvia, it seems that once again the serfs have to pay for the Tsar's war, with anyone who posted an advert on Telegram since September 2025 now being liable for fines in rules imposed in February 2026. Yes, retrospective fines are a thing in Ruffia, especially if it makes people abandon Telegram, which is the aim here. Art!
Barad-Dur tested it's internet kill-switch yesteryon, shutting down the whole internet across Mordorvia, as Putinpot gets increasingly paranoid about people plotting or protesting and using the internet to do so. Not even mobile phone voice calls were getting through.
As I have said only half-jokingly, welcome to North Korea 2.0! This is why the sales of anti-depressants in Ruffia has skyrocketed over the past 4 years, to x3 times what they used to be. By the end of this year everything in Ruffia will be banned, illegal or prohibited.
Goodbye 'Stranger Things'
I finished the extra-specially long 8th episode of Season Five, and whilst there were problems with this season, I think they wrapped it up as well as could be expected or hoped for. Art!
As the younger team members graduate High School, they would inevitably separate and go their different ways, onto college and university, and the older members, seen above, would also be moving into adult life and employment, meaning everyone moving on.
One of the problems I mentioned is the sheer size of the cast, with everyone from Season One onwards having to be given a role, because the Duffer Brothers are softies about things like that, 'twould seem.
SPOILERS ALERT!
SERIOUSLY, AHEAD BE SPOILERS!
I WARNED 'EE
Nice to see Captain Scab get a final come-uppance from an angry mom wielding an axe. Art!
What you might call a decapitation strike. No telekinesis or guns or flamethrowers, just an edged weapon and a strong arm.
As for Elle? Who knows. The DBs deliberately left the ending ambiguous, with a scene of her ascending crags in Iceland. She may be alive or dead, in a Schröedinger state until -
Hmmmm. Conrad, the cynical realist, wonders how long before a Nineties-dated spin-off arrives on Netflix?
I did wonder what happened to Linda Hamilton's character; after the Upside Down is blown to smithereens, she is never seen again. Nancy and Hopper, who slaughter at least a dozen soldiers, are never called to account for their acts. In fact Hoppy is back as Police Chief of Hawkins, after being a Wild Man Of The Woods for this season. Don't tell me - It's In The Script.
OKAY YOU CAN COME OUT NOW, SPOILERS DONE WITH
Conrad now seriously considering going back to 'Falling Skies'. Art!
Mike Johnson's Ulcer Thanks You
Mike 'Moscow' Johnson, loyal bootlicker and lickspittle for Donnie Dorko, is the Speaker of the House over in South Canada, meaning he has an awful lot of power.
He also has an awful lot of responsibility, having to try and corral and coerce his Republican members to vote as DJ Tango wants, whether that's a good idea or another product of Truth Social at 02:37 in the morning. The Republican majority in the House has been successively shrinking as members decide they don't want to be involved in politics any longer and would rather unclog toilets by hand as an occupation. Thus, any Republican Wizard Lizard Gizzard who decides to 'cross the floor' and vote with the Ice Cream Bandits has an incredibly disproportionate effect. Art!
Mister Issa has decided it's too difficult to campaign in his newly-redrawn Californian district, and that the Toilet Unclogging By Hand industry looks a much better bet. Hence Mike's need for a gallon of Pepto-Bismol on a daily basis.
I put this in here as 'Clownish Entertainment' as it cannot, by any meaningful metric, be called 'Politics'.
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