Listen To Conrad, Parroting Army-Speak
As if he knows what he's talking about <the horrid truth courtesy Mister Hand>
DOG BUNS! It that treacherous appendage weren't part of me I'd have done an Ash-style amputation on it by now. Art!
It's all fun and games until your hand gets demonically possessed
Where were we? O yes, Conrad was explicating.
What distinguishes NATO forces from the Ruffian hordes? And the Sinister hordes before them. And the Tsarist forces before them.
Training. Currently, Ruffian training consists of being told which end of a bang-stick the bullets come out of, and then making what I believe is called a 'Zerg rush' at the opposition. Art!
NATO and what might be termed the 'Global West' have a different philosophy, because, to their generals, their greatest asset is manpower, and you train it properly in order that it does as well as humanly possible on the battlefield.
This is where 'OPFOR' comes in. It's one of those contractions that the military loves, because it baffles civilians. In full form it would be 'Opposition Forces' and it means those forces playing the baddies. Art!
This is a British Scorpion (technically a Combat Vehicle Reconnaissance Tracked) bodged-up to mimic a Ruffian tank. They skimped a bit with the heavy machine gun, didn't they? They used a Scorp because it's a small tank, and Ruffian tanks are usually considerably smaller than NATO ones.
These would be used on exercises at BATUS, the British Army Training Unit Suffield, a gigantic area in British America where armoured and mechanised units get to practice modern armoured warfare. For a long time the Sinister and then Ruffian OPFOR units had to use jury-rigged substitutes as above.
Then came Desert Storm, and Hay Pesto! suddenly there were lots of genuine Ruffian captures being used as OPFOR. Art!
 |
| South Canadian bootnecks driving a Ruffian tank |
This was a mixed blessing. I recall reading about a South Canadian engineering officer responsible for maintaining their fleet of Ruffian BTRs, who exhibited an air of mild depression; the only mechanic skilled and experienced enough to keep the '8-wheeled coffins' in running order was leaving.
Enter 'Covert Cabal', eminent bean-counting Youtuber, whose latest vlog was about Ruffian Tank Repair Factories. Art!
The 103 BTRZ
One of the Commenters came up with an outstanding Comment, about their experience at Anniston Army Depot, where he originally worked on the M1 and M1A1 Abrams tank. He had a lot of experience and ability, so when all the Ruffian captures arrived, guess who got put in charge of stripping them down, repairing them and getting them out to the OPFOR troops? Yes, him.
His considered opinion was that "Ruffian equipment is very hard to work on". As a contrast, he explained that the engine on an Abrams can be swapped out as a complete unit, thanks to it's modular design, then either repaired or replaced equally swiftly. It takes about 45 minutes to remove the entire engine, and between 2 to 3 hours to replace it. Art!
Doing the deed
Not so with Ruffian kit. O noes! "That's not the case with Russian Equipment. It's all
assembled one piece at a time in the engine compartment like a Chinese Puzzle.
The engine and transmission are incredibly complicated as well."
This is what we here in the evillll decadent Global West would call 'Ergonomics' and which the Ruffians would call 'Black magic' before crossing themselves and carrying on with their adjustable screw-wrench. Conrad is minded of the Teuton panzers of the Second Unpleasantness, especially the Panther. For Your Information, the Wehraboos all froth with excitement about how big it's gun was, and how thick the armour. They ignore the horribly complex 60-piece gearbox, which was frequently destroyed by novice drivers simply moving into second gear. Art!
Grind, baby, grind!
'n4zou' - the now-retired Anniston Army Depot mechanic - described the Ruffian design mindset as being stuck in the Thirties, even for their brand-new kit: it all hearkened back to an attitude that did not want to move into the twenty-first century. His team could put an stripped Abrams hull in at one end of their production line, and deliver a complete tank at the end of a single day. To do the same with a T-72 could take a month, a whole week being spent merely getting the engine out.
Ergonomics. Defined in Ruffian dictionaries as "What?"
"The War Illustrated Edition 200 16th February 1945"
I wouldn't usually follow an item dealing with tanks like this with TWI, but I did promise yesteryon and Conrad is a man who keeps his promises*. If you recall, this publication always published pictures two weeks after they had been taken, if not longer, so as not to provide the Teutons with any handy tactical information. Art!
It's unclear if this is staged or not and if not then the photographer ought to be getting their big fat head under cover, lest it be removed by shrapnel. The caption states that a patrol is taking cover after being hit by mortar fire, possibly because the photographer is standing upright out in the open to take pictures. This chap pictured is probably an NCO because he's carrying a Sten gun, and the ordinary rankers would be carrying rifles. Also note how effective a white suit is in blending into the snowy background.
I say, the GMPolice helichopter has been buzzing about overhead for some time. There must be miscreants abroad.
GET YOUR TENSES RIGHT!
As we should all know by now, Conrad is a grammar and spelling Nazi of the very worst kind. It's taken me decades to reach this level of achievement and I am proud proud proud.
Okay, enough pompous self-promotion. Art!
NO!
If these scientists 'know' when this eruption will occur, then they have to know 'will', not 'could'. Or, if the 'could' is primary in the text here, then 'know' should be swapped out for 'may'.
Don't get me started on apostrophes.
Wheel Appeal
Dimya has been on the phone again, whingeing that BOOJUM! is vehemently anti-Ruffian, and I had to explain that we do occasionally publish an item quite flattering to the orcs, or more likely their ancestors, when they had a bit of art and cultivation to go round.
Art!
Note the Cyrillic script used on this food tanker. Yes yes yes, it might be Serbian or Bulgarian, but what does Occam's Razor teach us? That, if it's Cyrillic, it's Ruffian. Especially true considering what comes next. Art!
Here's the food tanker again, tootling along with a car following much too closely, because you can't see ahead of the tanker and -
A tyre explodes. This is not something that happens every day, as a punctured tyre usually deflates, either rapidly or slowly, just not in an explodey kind of way. The road surface looks well-maintained and smooth, so who knows what caused this blow-out. Art!
Here's the happy ending. Following car did not end up tailgating the tanker, and that driver deserves a small award for keeping control and not jack-knifing or toppling the tanker. I bet he had a word or two with the maintenance people back at the depot, though.
Finally -
Watched Episode 5 of "Department S" last night and O dearie me! Sorry but golf is not a dramatic sport and it does not lend itself well to television, even if there was a daft gold-smuggling plot worked in. 3/10 Must Do Better.
Now, we have remaindered sausages to consume! A week past their 'Best Buy' date merely means they have - ah - 'matured'. Yes, that's the word: 'matured'.
* Sometimes.
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