That Reminds Me
In that kind of interlinked way my brain has of making attachments at random. You see, the Teutons of Second Unpleasantness iteration had a rocket launching system called the "Schweres Wurfgerat 41" or "Heavy Throwing Equipment 41" which was designed to launch very large unguided rockets, destruction of the enemy for the use of. Art!
It wasn't very accurate, being used to bludgeon an area instead of a particular target, and the stubblehoppers using it nicknamed it 'Hulende Kuh" or "Howling Cow" because they thought it sounded just like that sound effect.
ANYWAY what I wanted to relate to you in this Intro is a tale from Youtube Reddit, that makes Bitshat Crazy look sane and normal. Narrating the piece was Underweight Narrator, hereafter UN, her appalling mother whom we shall dub Howling Cow, hereafter HC, and her Gluttonous Idle Brother, hereafter GIB. When the tale began UN was 17 and her brother 23. UN was studying and holding down two part-time jobs, GIB was jobless and lived in the attic with his equally shiftless girlfriend, and HC lorded it lardily o'er the household with her 300 lb bulk. Art!
300 pounds of potatoes
UN was underweight because her greedy entitled brother would come downstairs and take all the food out of the fridge, leaving only bread and pasta - which UN couldn't eat thanks to being gluten intolerant. If she spent money from her jobs on food purchases, GIB would eat it all. She then harassed him mercilessly until he paid up.
You may be wondering how the land whale HC managed to keep her figure if her son was stealing all the food, and Conrad wondered this too.
Things got worse when UN won an all-in scholarship to study at college far away; she didn't say where it was, yet it was far enough that they were willing to fly her out there.
The fly in the ointment, or shark in the swimming pool, was of course - obviously! - HC, who immediately forbade UN from leaving, because then she'd be alone with GIB. Hmmm the logic here is not adding up. Art!
Fortunately for UN she was able to enrol in secret, and her grandparents, who had her back, sent her the money for enrolment and living expenses. By mysterious means HC found out about this and smashed UN's laptop, so that all her admin for admission couldn't be completed, as this would definitely stop her from going to college, BWA HA HA! Doctor Evil pinky snicker.
UN was a lot more resourceful and determined than HC realised, and began to squirrel away clothing and items at her grandparents, until a couple of weeks later she turned 18, was no longer a minor and didn't need adult permission to study. Her father, long separated from HC (and who can blame him) bought her a replacement MacBook. Her grandparents came to collect her, upon HC realising that her punching-bag was leaving, had a full blown Apoplectic Frenzy.
End result: UN ended up having her head impact a set of concrete stairs as the land whale physically tackled her to try and stop her leaving. After departure, she threatened to sue UN for 'Emotional abandonment'. Despite not having enough money to fill the fridge.
I'm afraid the madness does not end there. O noes. UN, unsurprisingly, moved to live with her grandparents until she left for college and came out to see her car one morning, with it's tyres slashed and faecal matter smeared over the handles and windscreen.
Gosh, whoever could have done that! Her grandparent's security cameras caught HC sneaking onto the property at night and doing the damage. This led to a judicial encounter where she was arrested for trespass and property damage. Consequently she was fined and sentenced to 2 years probation, and UN & grandparents wisely got a restraining order against her.
A twist in the tail came when GIB moved out and informed UN that their mother had been taking most of the food, not him, in order to maintain her beer-keg physique.
At story's end UN was on an exchange program in South Korea, having an absolute blast and living her best life. Don't you just love a happy ending?
The AI has been drinking
Here's One I Can Get Behind
Conrad's ceaseless quest for content meant he was scrolling down the feed, looking for items he could be sardonic or citric about, preferably both at the same time, and he came across this. Art!
This will be an illo from "The Wolves Of Willoughby Chase" and yes I have both read the book and seen the film. 'How can this be?' I hear you quibble. 'For the last British wolf was slain in Scotland in the late eighteenth century?'
Because this is a work of fiction. Not only that, the wolves in question have travelled across the Channel thanks to the newly-constructed tunnel, and onto English shores, in a prolonged and savage winter. Aiken's world is a subtly different one from the one we inhabit, as there was no 'Glorious Revolution' in 1688 and James III sits comfortably on the throne. Art!
I have fond memories of her short story collections, too, although I cannot for the life of me remember what the titles were. Conrad will stoutly resist the siren call of Abebooks suggesting a purchase or two .....
There Are Some Jobs That Are Beyond Cool
Whilst the Orange Land Whale has been braying about Canada becoming the 51st State, possibly trying to distract from his sentencing on 10th January, the Canuckistanians have been helping their South Canadian brethren to directly fight the Californian wildfires. Art!
Yes it's a plane. Watch closer.
Yes, it's an amphibian. Here it's not just taxiing across the briny deeps, it's actually loading up with tons of seawater. This is the Canadair CL-415, a plane designed to fight large-scale fires by 'bombing' them with water. Art!
Ha! Take that, flames!
One doubts these aircrew will have to buy a beer themselves when they land and go off-duty. What an awesome Zen job to have!
Of course - obviously! - Conrad could not leave the Tweet thread without making a sardonic comment: EVIL CANADIANS STEALING AMERICAN WATER! and you can bet that a MAGA member will absolutely Repost this as the gospel truth.
Say Hello, Wave Goodbye
If you've been reading the blog for a while then you'll know we have featured islands in the past, and also that disgusting natural phenomenon known as a 'Mud volcano', which looks like the world's largest sewer backing up. Now we can combine both in a single item. Art!
This series of stills is taken from the NASA Landsat satellites, and shows the Caspian Sea empty of islands in 2022, then the island appearing at Kunari Bank in 2023, where the mud volcano resides, and then it's gone again in late 2024. All three pictures are off the eastern coast of Azerbaijan. Art!
This is the fate of most transient islands created by mud volcanoes, as the effect of tides, waves, currents and weather all erode them relatively quickly. Art!
There is even a Wiki page on "Mud Volcanoes In Azerbaijan" if you want to know more about the disgusting things. You must be staggeringly bored if you do.
I Guarantee This Was Not On Putinpot's Bingo Card In 2022
Last night the Ukrainians hit the Ruffian Federation with something in the region of 200 drones and a handful of missiles, causing an immense amount of damage and setting things alight. We don't often comment on these drone strikes, but this one was so large I have made an exception. Art!
The Ruffians are saying that all the drones and missiles were intercepted and only 'debris' fell on the targets. Such debris must be made out of TNT and shaped charges to judge by the explosions, and be from drones the size of a B-52 bomber. The fire started at the Engels fuel depot is still burning after 5 days. Perhaps they could sell tickets for it as a tourist attraction?
Finally -
Having just finished one book of over 500 pages, I have now picked up "Wild Swans", which clocks in at 676 absent the Index. Conrad: a glutton for punishment.
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