If I Were To Say 'Bergmann"

You Might Well Think I Was Referring To The Swede

Ingmar Bergman is the chap you're thinking of, probably best known for the comedy classic "The Seventh Seal".  No, I'm lying, it's entirely devoid of humour or laughter in any way, being as bleak as the windswept uplands of Upsala.  Art!

The Knight plays chess with Death.  As I keep saying, a man's got to have a hobby

          Well, I actually refer to the Bergmann Maschinenpistole MP28.  This was an improved and updated version of the original as used in the First Unpleasantness, and set a benchmark for quality and utility.  It's use in the Spanish Civil Unpleasantness caused the Sinisters and Teutons to begin re-evaluating their attitude towards submachine guns, which had become irredeemably associated with South Canadian gangsters in the Twenties and Thirties.  Art!

Chambered for 9 mm ammunition

     Here in Perfidious Albion we were rather slow on the uptake with sub-machine guns and had no native version when the Second Unpleasantness broke out.  In assessing the various models, the best was unquestionably the Finnish Suomi, which was unfortunately not available for purchase, Finland having been invaded by the Sinister Union.  Bummer.  That South Canadian 'gangster gun', the Thompson, however - my favourite word! - was available, though it was a complex and very expensive weapon.  They were ordered from across The Pond and issued to British soldiery.  Art!

     In case you missed it, sub-machine guns use pistol ammunition, rather than rifle rounds, making them compact.  The Thompson used the .45 calibre round, for your information.

     Buying these costly weapons was very much an interim measure, as HM Treasury wanted to save money, so a domestically-produced SMG was required.

     Enter the Lanchester.  This was a straight-up copy of the Bergmann MP1928, just re-designed by Mr. Lanchester to suit British production methods.  Art!

Chambered in 9 mm

     One design innovation was the attachment of a bayonet mounting at the muzzle, allowing a pig-sticker to be fixed in place.  The British like their bayonets.

     Now, one reason I've created this Intro is because it follows on from a recent Q & A Ian from "Forgotten Weapons" put up, where he was asked about the British having SMGs in both .45 and 9 mm calibre.  Wouldn't it have been more logical to design the Lanchester in .45 calibre, in order to simplify ammunition production and logistics?

     Not really, explained Ian.  The Lanchester was chosen to have a decent gun now, rather than a good gun in six months time.  Making the weapon in another calibre would mean completely re-designing it - again - and delay the whole acquisition process.  This was undertaken in the autumn of 1940, when it was assumed the Wehrmacht's next target would be Perfidious Albion, and the requirement was for an SMG now, that could be issued before the invaders arrived.  Art!

Ian holds forth

     An initial production run of Lanchesters was begun, with an anticipated total of 50,000 being aimed for.  Except that never happened and the few that were made were taken by the Royal Navy, not the Army.  Why so, I hear you ask?

     Well, because the pairing of Major Shepherd and Mr Turpin came up with the 'Sub-machine carbine N.O.T. 40/1" in January of 1941.  You might know it better as - Art!

The Sten gun

     Shepher, Turpin and ENfield.  This was a really cheap SMG, and the lack of production finish caused initial jeering from unimpressed soldiers, until it was realised that this stamped-metal wonder was quite as good at slaying Teutons as the Thompson.  For Your Information, the cost of a single Thompson was £52 in 1940, whereas a Sten could be churned out for all of £2.87, so you could manufacture 18 of them instead of a single tommy-gun.  Over four million of them were produced, all in 9 mm, which ammunition Perfidious Albion had begun to produce in quantity in it's own factories instead of buying from South Canada.  HM Treasury makes happy face.  The Birmingham Small Arms factory at Tyseley cranked them out at a rate of 20,000 per week or one million per annum, which shows how wise it was to choose this design instead of, say, copying the Thompson.

     See what you started, Ol' Bergie?

Finally!

No, this is not the usual coda to the blog.  Art!

     This concerns the sunken Ruffian tanker 'Volgoneft-239', which sank in a winter storm in the Kerch Strait on December 16th last year.

     It's taken the Ruffians over a month to bother salvaging the remaining oil aboard the sunken hull, and in the meantime 2,500 tons of the original 4,000 ton cargo has contaminated the Ruffian resort beaches along their Black Sea coastline.  According to official sources, 170,000 tons of contaminated sand has been collected and, if I know the Ruffians at all, it's been dumped in sacks back on the beaches it was collected from.

     One wonders why it took so long for this clean up to occur, and the answer probably lies in Charlie Chipmunk Cheeks bloviating about how bad this ecological disaster was, earlier in January.  If The Little Tsar prognosticates then his minions have to guess his intent.

Our Journey With Bernie

Continues.  Let me do the due diligence once more.  Aha, a run of three cards that aren't present on teh Interwebz.  Do you see how much effort I put into these items?  Let us pick up with #70 "Up For Air".  Art!

     In case you cannot resolve the text, here it is: "A recurring image from my childhood.  I was six.  My mom took me to see my very first movie in a theatre.  'The Creature From The Black Lagoon' in 3D yet.  Yeahhhh.'

     Now we know.  No blather about what ink or pens he used or if it's on canvas or paper.  Ta, Bernie.

Roll The Dice

Conrad, in his traditional cruel style, has been mocking Ruffian airlines over on Twitter.  Anyone who gets on a Ruffian airliner risks death, as was proven overnight.  "An-24 rolled off the landing strip in the Khabarovsk region and crashed into the bushes today (see video). No casualties were reported. The plane's engine allegedly failed during takeoff." Art!

Also "a flight traveling from Moscow to Istanbul had to make an emergency landing in Astrakhan. Aeroflot said the Boeing 737-800 plane had "technical issues"

     So, I stuck my oar in. 

"Ruffian airlines: roll a D20. 1 - 10 no problems, arrive safely. 11 - 15 turn back mid-flight due to unspecified emergency. 16 - 19 crash and burn, roll a D6: 1 - 2 survive unscathed; 3-4 badly injured; 5-6 die horribly.

20 shot down by Ruffian SAM battery."

     What can I say?  I've been playing that 'Totensontag' board game.  Art!

     The official investigation into the downing of the Azeri airliner was that, yes, an idiot Ruffian Pantsir commander gave the order to shoot it down, confusing it with a drone.

No TWI today, there's quite enough military material here already.

Finally -

Yes, this is the blog's coda for today.  I'm looking out of the window and not liking the weather out there: cold, windy, raining and just about the definition of a dirty day.  Nor do I need to venture down to Lesser Sodom as the Sunday Stew from last week is still present in large amounts, and I defrosted a batch of Posh Dog sausages.  Or should I have those Thermidor Prawn cakes?  Decisions decisions.

     That's it for today, pip pip toodleoo!