No! Not The Book Publisher
Many of whose fine volumes already decorate the walls of my Sekrit Layr, and whom I have spent countless pounds and hours with. Despite this being a tangent, I think we need one of their covers to bait you, the audience in. Art!
No, Dougal, it's not a small man with a normal-sized sword, it's a normal-sized man with an enormous two-handed sword. Looks pretty martial. Possibly a bit of a niche market, mind. Not too handy in what the South Canadians call 'home defence' either.
ANYWAY allow me to meander on my way and get to the point 700 words later. You see, I have been reading the various chapters in Doctor Peter Caddick-Adams "Victory In The West" about the Allies crossing the Rhine in March of 1945. Art!
This demonstrates how wide the Rhine was. You can't tell from a single picture like this how fast the river ran, either, but it ran fast and was raised by winter meltwater (and debris). Getting across it was a major engineering challenge, certainly to begin with - what you see here is one of the bridges constructed after the amphibious vehicles, boats, pontoons and ferries had enabled the establishment of a beachhead on the opposite (Teuton) shore. South Canadian military engineers considered it to be the biggest geographical obstacles in Europe, after the Normandy landings. There is a reason why Germany begins after the River Rhine, as it was such an excellent defensive barrier.
The Teutons, very unsportingly, had demolished all the bridges across the Rhine (except one, a tale in itself). This had been anticipated as early as August of 1944, when forward-planning for an assault crossing of the Rhine had begun in Allied HQs.
Ol' Pete, by dint of hard work, accumulated a fair amount of statistical data, which I will now plunder* for the blog. Plunder shamelessly. Art!
I am about to recite stats for the South Canadian Third Army, yes yes yes, those are British vehicles - that squat little tracked vehicle in the foreground is a Bren Gun Carrier, the British equivalent of a tracked Jeep - BUT it gives you an idea of the planking, girder framework and pontoon boats needed for a single bridge. Plus there were dozens of bridges built, and do you think all that happened by accident? No, Dougal, it did not.
So, those stats. By March the South Canadians had amassed:
1,500 Assault boats.
300 Storm boats.
15,000 paddles, Boats. Who knows which kind. A boat is a boat. because exercise is good
910 outboard motors, for those poor tired soldiers unable to paddle
11,000 foot of treadway bridge. No, I don't know what it is either. Art!
We are enlightened
7,000 feet of floating Bailey Bridge, as un-floating bridges are useless We have encountered the Bailey Bridge previously but another look at the largest Meccano set evah won't hurt. Art!
Ah! I see. Normally a Bailey Bridge was used to span rivers of much smaller dimensions than the Rhine, so no flotation aids were needed. Thanks to the sheer breadth needed to span, it was essential for pontoons to be used. Much clearer now.
2,200 feet of heavy pontoon bridge. Art!
Your Humble Scribe is guessing that this is a 'heavy' pontoon bridge, because it has a lot of pontoons (the boat-shaped articles), meaning it can take heavy loads such as tanks, which are pretty hefty beasts, tilting the scales at up to forty tons. A well-consolidated bridge like this wouldn't need to have long intervals between any traffic using it.
Now, as mentioned above, how do you think all this equipment turned up in the right quantity at the right time in the right location?
Staff work, that's how, the most unglamourous job going in any armed force (apart from those on latrine duty), yet which is the essential oil to keep military logistics running smoothly. Typewriters not tommy guns keep frontline soldiers in bullets and buns. Behind all those thousands of tons of supplies will there will be scads of officers and NCOs hammering away at keyboards, using carbons and Gestetner machines. Art!
Not only that, the weather was really bad, with thaws, frosts, rain, snow and sleet making movement across country almost impossible, where the road surfaces broke up under the enormous amount of traffic moving into position, and all those essential engineering supplies needing to be moved 300 miles as the crow flies back and forth.
Okay, okay, okay, typewriters rather than pens, it's called poetic licence which means I'm right. The end.
Dog Buns!
Conrad had an exceptionally tough tussle with a Codeword last night. It took me thirty minutes to crack it, which is a shocking admission from Conrad the Codeword Conqueror. Nor could I cheat and look in the next day's "M.E.N." because it had gone in the bin, after being used to soak up the beer I kicked over. By accident, I assure you. I also refuse to pay £1 for a 'hint' phone call. Art!
It was challenging enough that I resorted to the Crossword Key, and after I worked out PIXIE the rest fell into place. Someone is going to pay for this! I mean, DICHOTOMY and PIXELATED? Really!
I type this whilst staring into the darkness of a miserable December afternoon fully as horrid as my soul. And you're welcome.
You What?
I've just witnessed a very interesting little video clip on Twitter, done in black and white, introduced by Sean Connery, about how Ian Fleming was persuaded to 'up' Bond's gun to a more suitable and man-stopping weapon. Let me see if I can capture a couple of stills. Art!
Egad! This is during the filming of "Goldfinger", which I have seen and - it's not Fort Knox? All my illusions shattered! Art?
It is? How can this be! Conrad admits he's not gone into the location shooting schedule for this film, yet I was convinced it was a South Canadian location standing in for the real thing. We may have to do a bit of digging on this subject and come back to it, so I've bookmarked the video clip.
Officially A Grumpy Old Codger
Darling Daughter turns 30 today, which is a bit of a shock. She will now be forced to become 'zenzible' as the phrase around here has it, especially as she is now a house and mortgage owner. Conrad's Facebook feed threw up a photo of this date on a previous occasion. Art!
This was for her 21st, at Robin Hood's Bay, all of nine years ago. Yikes. You can't see her but Edna is around somewhere here, as the guest house allowed pets, so no kennels for The Entitled One. Yes, this is the venue where she initially raced up to the second storey and then lay quivering on the floor, as the stairs were too steep to get down. O what memories.
Finally -
Here's one for the orcs. No, we have no sense of decorum or taste. Art!
* Military in-joke there. If you know, you know.
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