But First, The Eagles!
I know there doesn't seem to be any connection with metaphors about iron and everyone's favourite soft-rock band of the Seventies, but this is BOOJUM! and we have erected monuments of mirth from far smaller origins. Art!
They seem to have dropped the definitive article here, perhaps because everyone in the world knew who they were by the time this album came out. I want to parade before you a set of lyrics from the title song "Hotel California" -
Yes yes yes, they mention 'steely' not 'irony' because that would be stupid and what else is steel but iron with carbon and vanadium added? Conrad is unsure about the catering arrangements at this hotel, because you may want your meat served as fresh as possible, but - having to kill it at the dinner table itself? A tad extreme.
ANYWAY back to metaphors about Iron. Art!
Scotland's other national drink. This one is supposed to help one get over the morning-after feeling, a.k.a. a hangover, and it does actually contain a vanishingly small amount of iron, coming in the form of ammonium ferric citrate. At 0.002% content that crack about it being made 'from girders' is wild poetical overstatement. Art!
We have already mentioned these scallywags, as a Fascist political movement in pre-Second Unpleasantness Romania. Well, the Romanian Politia (Police, not 'Polite') have been busy rounding up modern members of this group, who appear to have been paid by Ruffia to cause trouble. For their sake, hopefully not in rubles. May this be the last we hear of them! Art?The Iron Guard
The Iron Chancellor. Like it says on the tin.
This, gentle reader, is Prince Otto Von Bismarck, after whom the warship was named. Ol' Bizzy essentially created the Teuton empire, nailing it together first by virtue of arms and then by cunning and crafty diplomacy. If you look up the "Dreikaiserbund" or "League of Three Emperors" you will see that it was Ol' Bizzy's diplomatic and political balancing act to link the Teutons, Austrians and Ruffians altogether. That way they were all in the tent spitting out, keeping France at bay, as the French were held to be the most dangerous enemy. Art!
The Iron Curtain
Strange to think that a generation has grown up with no experience of this political and geographical divide. The phrase was used by Churchill (obvs!) and also the Teuton's Propaganda Chief Goebbels, the image being conveyed of an impenetrable barrier across Europe from Stettin on the Baltic to Trieste on the Adriatic. Hmmmm however - my favourite word again! - you will note that Yugoslavia - another historical nation that no longer exists - lies outside the official IC, because whilst it was a Communist dictatorship, it was no friend of Moscow's either, and it retained it's own sovereignty thanks to liberating itself from Teuton occupation.
We may see a new, shorter version that encloses Ruffia in the near future; both to keep the Global West out, and to keep them in. Art!
How to strangle cats the Bashar al-Assad way!
Meet the exemplar of "Brewer's" next metaphor: IRON HAND. They define it as "Severe or harsh control, as in 'He imposed discipline with an iron hand." That sums up BAD's defining qualities and it's not just Conrad spitting venom here.
They say "is" because events have been moving too fast for accurate updates. Gosh, I wonder if any political leaders feel like idiots for backing this loser? <directs gaze at Kremlin>.
Enough of metals!
Continuing Our Journey With Bernie
Yes, I just did due diligence and #43 is available on teh Interwebz, with the curious name 'Hanover Fiste', which seems to be a rather bad pun. Art!
But without the Hulk's sense of modesty. No breeks for Hanover. Thank heavens for that strategically-placed head! What I originally read as 'Captain Steam' ought to be 'Captain Sternn' whom you ought to be familiar with from the "Heavy Metal" film. The Captain and Hanover are both creations of Bernie's, so he can use them here without fear of lawsuit. Art!
Hanover politely refused the request to join Sternn's fan club
Fanning About
We all know that South Canadians love their guns, and young South Canadians could also vicariously experience this feeling thanks to Western toys such as revolvers, muskets and Gatling guns. Take a look at this 'Fanner 50' as featured in that Youtube vlog of DANGEROUS TOYS! Art?
Conrad had one of these, except it was in dark blue steel and it looked exactly like the real thing, which would be one reason for it being re-issued in chrome. Can't have the local SWAT team offing little Johnny thanks to a toy gun.
I bet my parents hated it, because you loaded it with a roll of caps, and if you held the trigger back, you could 'fan' the hammer, making a sound like a machine gun. It was great and I am still alive, so there <cocks a snook> Health & Safety.
No "The War Illustrated" right now as I've not loaded any pictures for Edition 199. However -
"1945 Victory In The West" By Doctor Peter Caddick-Adams
Interestingly enough, this work covers the last 100 days of the Second Unpleasantness in Europe, the period TWI is just approaching in it's publication schedule. Bearing in mind their inevitable two-week delay. Art!
Forgive the rather dodgy picture quality; it's difficult to take a photograph whilst holding the page down with one's other hand. Hopefully this will illustrate what Conrad likes about the maps in the text: they are detailed and give the roads and rivers as well as the individual divisions involved. As I mentioned to Ol' Caddy in a Tweet, Your Humble Scribe cordially detests 'maps' that consist of a squiggle for a river, a dot for a town and two single arrows for the oposing forces. None of that here!
Here's One I May Pursue Later
If you follow Conrad with any regularity, then you know he likes tanks. He is also worryingly interested in nuclear weapons and nuclear power. Combine the two and you get - Art!
Prepare yourselves!
Bah!
I've been sitting here typing and wondering if I ought to take a constitutional stroll down into Lesser Sodom, to see what's going cheap. You have to time this properly; too early and there won't be anything remaindered; too late and it will all have been sold. Plus I need a shave as my elderly jowls are graced with three days of stubble.
Except now - excuse me, NOW - it has started raining. The blue skies of an hour ago are a distant memory.
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