This Will Make More Sense To Residents Of This Sceptred Isle
Or those above a certain age, at least, who will be familiar with the old advert slogan "Let the train take the strain", because indeed doing the ton down an A road is not conducive to long life, nor is having to take a com
ANYWAY let me disabuse you of the notion that we are talking about Stephen Crane, because we're not. Still, we can use this as an in for a film poster. Art!
A bit of a swizz as it's in black and white
Yes, that's Audie, the fresh-faced fighting fiend, who successfully traded-up his career in uniform for one in pictures.
ANYWAY AGAIN we here at BOOJUM! are no stranger to cranes, the engineering device not the bird, and I recall working at Old Bank Building when the construction people at Victoria Station brought in a crane so gigantic that it needed another crane to assemble it. Let me bamboo-skewer Art into wakefulness about this.
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| That one in the background? The one I posted about being assembled. (Photo copied from 2014) |
In the background you can see three jib cranes, which Conrad has long alleged are sinister alien spies, because they just magically appear, and equally magically vanish, without anyone ever seeing them being erected or disassembled.
Okay, onto the meat of the matter, because we're returning to that Youtube assembly of industrial accidents, and this one is what the technical people in the know call a 'doozy'.
To set the scene, allow me to introduce 'Liebherr', who are a Teuton industrial concern making industrial equipment. One of their specialisms is cranes, and they were carrying out testing of a new, gigantic floating crane at their site in Rostock. It was dubbed the 'HLC 295000' and was mounted on the vessel 'Orion', and after passing tests it would be heading to the Moray Firth in order to lift windfarm foundations into position.
That was the plan. Art!
No, it's not supposed to do that, in case you are unfamiliar with cranes and how they work. They lift objects, not shatter themselves apart. Art!
This is the guilty party: the hook block. The HLC295000 was lifting a 'heavy load', which could have massed as much as 5,000 tons, as this is what the crane was rated to lift. When the hook block failed, the released tension caused the twin booms to catapult backwards, smashing back into the base of the crane. Art!
HLC before it needed TLC
The accident happened in May 2020 and news articles about it stated that Liebherr will be salvaging, repairing and rebuilding the crane, although nobody, including Liebherr, MENTIONED THE COST. One presumes it would be substantial. They are probably covered by insurance, but the adjusters will be scrutinising that hook block with electron microscopes to see if they can wiggle out of a bill that will run into millions. Art!
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| "Dear Sir" in English |
The video clip, very unhelpfully, didn't mention a date or location nor the name of the company that built the crane, but Your Modest Artisan noticed that brand name above, and did a bit of digging on teh Interwebz. There aren't too many giant crane accidents involving Liebherr.
If you like happy endings, you soppy lot, then you will be delighted to be informed that the HLC 295000 was successfully repaired and replaced and was ready to be formally christened on the 'Orion' as of May 2022. So, not an overnight fix. Again, nobody MENTIONED THE COST. Art!
I've done a quick tally of different websites reporting on the coyly-named 're-installation' and all they do is quote the official Liebherr publicity materials, so Conrad is guessing that cost data is seen as commercially sensitive and not available to nosy beggars on the internet. Soz about that.
Excuse, just have to pay Wonder Wifey for the new inbound microwave. Small domestic adventure ahoy!
"The Iron Dream" By Norman Spinrad
Another iteration of 'Iron', this one is a fascinating 'What if?' sci-fi novel, and the What If? it poses is that, what if Hitler's involvement in politics ended in 1923, after his unsuccessful putsch attempt in Munich? Art!
The edition I had.
Note the reversed swastika, which means it's probably not a swastika
Further, what if he left the land of the Teutons and emigrated to South Canada, making a living by writing pulp science fiction? This is the premise behind TID, and part of it's appeal is in relating Herr Schickelgruber's known predilections with how his characters and settings relate to same. There is an Afterword that mentions how popular Herr Schickelgruber was at sci-fi conventions, wearing costumes of his own design, probably involving swastikas as the Nazis never came to power in this reality.
It's set in a post-apocalyptic world, devastated by a long-gone nuclear war, which has created all sorts of mutations, and where 'Dominators', the sinister mental manipulators pulling strings behind the scenes, are the hidden menace Our Hero has to defeat. No prizes for guessing whom Herr Schickelgruber implied here. Art!
Much mention of 'truncheons', which are the preferred method of close-quarter combat, and which Mister Freud would have raised an eyebrow at.
"The War Illustrated Edition 199 2nd February 1945"
Back to a world where Herr Schickelgruber was alive, if not exactly well, and still causing misery and destruction, though with only a few months left to live. Art!
This is Picture 2 of the montage, and they identify the tank commander as Lieutenant-Colonel Creighton Abrams, yes, the chap who gave his name to the M1 gas-turbine 120 mm-gunned metal monster we know and love today. His Sherman appears to be the M4A3 variant, which had a longer and more powerful 76 mm gun that the bog-standard M4. OR, as this is the tank for a colonel in charge of an armoured regiment, the gun may be a dummy made of wood, with the space it's breech would have occupied taken up by map-boards and radios. Note the lack of clutter and camouflage, because a colonel can have his minions carry the clutter themselves, or if it's an HQ tank then it's not going anywhere near anywhere near combat.
At Last
And other shoe-based puns. You may, or may not, be aware that the Ruffian garrison in Syria is being pulled back from bases across the country, aiming to concentrate at Khmeimem air base, where they can be returned by plane to Ruffia. What happens to their vehicles is another question, as you'd need an enormous number of heavy lift jets to move them. Art!
This Syrian was showing how little they care for the orcs, as it is alleged that waving a shoe is a sign of disrespect. He was balanced, a little precariously, on a concrete lane divider, gleefully waving his shoe at a passing Ruffian convoy. Whilst the nuance of the gesture is doubtless lost on the orcs, they cannot fail to have picked up on the over-arching sentiment. Art!
"Cobblers!"
This Was Not On My 2024 Bingo Card
A lot of people have been making this comment on Twitter (Ha! take that Elong Tusk!) about different subjects of considerable import, so Conrad would like to balance that with a rather inconsequential item. Art!
To my horrified surprise, this sitcom ended 18 years ago. Wait, what?
Conrad used to see it occasionally, and what I liked about it was that Malcolm was an incredibly smart kid, rather than being loveable or goofy or a heart-throb. The rest of his family were bonkers, and I had a hard time seeing Bryan Cranston as a comedy actor after "Saving Private Ryan". More fool me after "Breaking Bad".
Confidence is moderate, because we're talking Disney here, who have the uncanny knack of turning a silk purse into a boar's breakfast.
Finally -
I need to give Conrad a massive kick up the bottom and force him to get playing those hex-and-counter wargames that are sitting on the paste table right now.
CONRAD! GAMING! NOW!
Or as soon as you get that remaindered pizza on the go.
Toodle pop!
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