NOT, I Hasten To Add, Escalation As Per Jake Sullivan
If you're unsure whom he is, imagine a cabbage but lightly endowed with intellect, driven by the need to be awarded the Ruffian Order Of St. George, and whose tongue has a tropism for shoes. Art!
Jake's official administration portrait
He doesn't have a lot going for him, does he? Apart from being good at bulking out a stew or soup.
ANYWAY I took counsel of my "Collins Concise Dictionary" to see where 'Escalation' comes from and do you know it didn't exist until the Twentieth Century? It is derived from 'Escalator', which is (or was) a trademark, being backwards-constructed from that name. Presumably itself being derived from the Latin <hack spit> 'Scalare', meaning 'To mount'. Art!
Lazy South Canadians mounting
Because nothing is ever simple, these inventions were originally known as 'elevated walkways' and were built by the Otis elevator company, until in 1900 a Mr. Seeberger applied for a patent and created the word 'Escalator'.
Where was I? O yes, escalations. Well, this one concerns another Youtube tale, this one taking several left turns that nobody ever saw coming, in a happily-married suburban couple. To begin with. Art!
As innocent as this
The first sign of impending trouble came with Weirdo Wifey's obsession with True Crime stories, especially those involving cheating and murder, which she lapped up like a cat with cream. Had it stayed there we might have had a verrry short Intro.
It didn't stay there. There happened to be a real-life case of cheating and consequent divorce in their happy suburban white picket fence neighbourhood, which WW picked up on to the exclusion of all else. At any social gathering she was obsessed - that word again - with finding out the uttermost details of what happened, rather to the concern of Put-Upon Hubbo.
ONE MONTH LATER
PUH was cleaning out WW's home office and found what she had labelled as CONSPIRACY BOARD, which is candid if worrying. Art?
For illustrative purposes only
She had painstakingly constructed a map of their neighbourhood, with notes and yarn links between people and houses, pictures of their neighbours being added from social media, all intended to indicate the Coefficient Of Cheating. RED FLAG #1.
PUH thought it creepy. WW claimed it was as much a piece of modern art as it was proof of her detective skills, and that it would only have been creepy if created by a man. RED FLAG #2. Art!
Things got more strained when PUH found he'd been added to the Coefficient Of Cheating Chart, with a link to a female neighbour he knew casually, and when challenged WW claimed she was going to add herself. Yes really. Like, that would make everything fine and dandy? RED FLAG #3.
PUH told WW to get rid of the board and - he thought - things were only rocky between them. Alas, were it that matters stopped there. Art!
You should know by now that BOOJUM! does not post salacious pictures for the sake of it or higher traffic numbers. No, this red bra is part of the story, because it was found by PUH/WW's neighbour's wife, and <drum roll> it did not belong to her. Reverberations were heard around the
Hubbo was immediately suspicious because the chart and links and Post-its had been amended since he last saw the chart prior to it not being destroyed. Playing detective himself, he went around to the husband neighbour, now solo as his wife was staying with her parents. The offending lingerie was produced and -
It belonged to WW.
Under pressure and with the evidence in hand, WW confessed that she'd planted the bra RED FLAG #UMPEENTH to - and this is where her logic completely breaks down, because this behaviour is just bonkers. PUH got WW to admit to her offence to the wronged wife and hubbo and they lived happily ever after.
PUH and WW? Not so much. Things got far worse after this, so much so that it would take another Intro to do it justice, and I'm not going to inflict all that on you, gentle reader.
Yet.
You have to admit, this one did snowball spectacularly.
Conrad Is ANGRY! Yes Again
This time I have cause to be crotchety, as admittedly I can be angry in an un-directed way until a subject comes along. You have to hone a Frothing Nitric Ire by virtue of long practice, you know. Enough preamble! Venting time begins!
VATIC: Conrad has to guess at this one before looking it up in the CCD. Is it a contraction of VATNIK? A term used by vintners and distillers? Latin for 'dismissed to the upper storeys'? Nope. Art!
Prefixed by the word "Rare", it's characteristic of a prophet or oracle and indeed comes from the Latin. Rare? It's positively half-baked!
EXOTISM: There's no 'Rare' about this in the CCD for the very relevant reason that it's not present. Conrad had to slum it on teh Interwebz to discover that this means 'To hail from foreign climes, not native, as of a flower'. Like the Manzanilla Tree? Art!
AMPERSAND: You may not know it, but you've seen many an ampersand in your lifetime. No! they are not a species of fungi, still less a Swedish Formula One racing team, nor is it a move from Botvinnik's arsenal of chess plays. Art!
The word itself is a corruption over time of "And per se and" and dates back to Roman times, and their word 'Et', meaning
Vatic Vulcanism
We are back with mild-mannered Kyle, who has been diligently informing those of us who live beyond the shores of South Canada about the weather events that make life there so - ah - interesting. From his "Geography King" channel. You may have already clocked the hurricanes and tornadoes and earthquakes and be wondering what on earth Ma Nature can throw at the hapless citizens. Well, you asked! Art?
Mount Saint Helens: Before and After
VOLCANOES! Having an oracle or prophet who could accurately predict when these explosive mountains might go pop would be a good thing. What a shame it's so very difficult to predict vulcanism. Art!
The risks of a volcano suddenly appearing in your back yard across most of South Canada is 0%, because their existence is closely aligned with the presence of earthquakes. Visible on the map here are the high-risk areas in the Pacific North-West, Alaska and Hawaii. The last-named has some 'pet' volcanoes that erupt and ooze lava regularly, and can inconvenience people thanks to lava having no social skills or sense of direction. Real danger comes from the active volcanoes in mainland South Canada, because when these erupt they go off like all the nukes at once. It's 44 years since Mt. St. Helens blew itself apart, a measure of how rare yet deadly volcanic eruptions are. Art!
Mount Rainier: a cause for concern
Our Journey With Bernie
Yes, I do like messing with the spelling of his name, as I know it irritates people who want consistency in all things, forever. Let's have another illustration, this one being #35: "Sleepy Hollow". Art!
If you can't read it, allow me: "Given the nightlife at this location, I doubt anyone has gotten a good eight hours kip for decades".*
Finally -
Week 7 of being Mister Sobriety accomplished. Whilst I am not spending money on wicked spirits and beers, I did burn £16 at the weekend on loose-leaf Darjeeling. Which will last for many months longer than an equivalent amount of alcohol. Not that it's really a fair comparison since I begin the day with a couple of pints of tea; imagine trying to work after imbibing a few snifters of gin washed down with Old Speckled Hen. Not a winning scenario!
* This may not be entirely correct.
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