Please Note That We Do Not Use An Exclamation Mark Here
So it's not swearing, merely a noun. Conrad admits that one does not often equate the things that keep your shirt closed with gore and matters sanguinary, but if you follow this Intro we shall get there in the end.
First off - Art!
No, it's not the real thing. This is a production still from "The Longest Day", and it's here because of the iconic image of the actor playing paratrooper John Steele, who got hung up on the church tower of St. Mere Iglese. Art!
The actor's name, is of course - obviously! - Red Buttons. Yes I am being truthful. No, his parents were not cruel enough to christen him thus, he acquired the nickname whilst being a bellboy wearing a uniform with big blue buttons.
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| The redoubtable James Caan |
A phrase that Sonny Corleone used came back to me whilst having my Thinking Time, walking Edna The Entitled Little Woman. This is after the unsuccessful attempt on Don Corleone's life, and Sonny gloats about having " - a hundred buttonmen on the streets, twenty-four hours a day". In this case these 'buttonmen' are low-level Mafia minions, and if they came across Salozzo, Why! there would be blood, lots of it, and all his. Art!
One of "2000AD"'s top strips, this is Harry Exton, a 'Button Man', with Ranson's outstanding artwork. Harry works for an unseen patron as a warrior-for-hire, pitted against other Button-men in a very, very high-stakes gambling game. You don't necessarily have to kill your opponent(s) but if you win and they remain alive, you get to sever one of their fingers as a mark of their failure. Harry is very good as a Button Man, which brings it's own problems. Available in a trade paperback. Art!
Conrad is, once again, horrified to learn that this film is from 1994, because it seems I watched it only a few years ago. It is set in County Cork in Eire, in the late Sixties, which means that it's a long way from any swinging, which might be done in Cork city or Dublin but definitely not in Ballydowse or Carrickdowse. These villages maintain a decades-long feud where the boys of one village attempt to upstage those of the other village, one measure of which is cutting off the buttons from the defeated party's trousers. Such humiliation! Art!
Surprise surprise, there was a French version made in 1962. Once again, the plot centres around two rival gangs of boys who compete to see which is the top dog, and again trouser buttons are taken as trophies. This one seems darker in tone than the Irish one as it is said to end in violence.
Nor is that all. There is yet another French version, made in 2011, and you may be wondering why the intense French interest in this subject matter? O I thought you'd never ask! Art?
On Page 201 of this volume it relates the story of Louis Pergoud, a pre-war French novelist who won the Prix Goncourt for his debut novel. "La Guerre De Boutons" is his most famous work. Art!
You can tell by his date of death in the text that he didn't survive the First Unpleasantness, because he was badly wounded making an attack on Hill 233, picked up alive after the battle by the Teutons and, the killing joke, died under a French artillery bombardment in a Teuton field hospital on 8th April. The reason he's mentioned in this book is because the South Canadian 4th division was advancing here in September of 1918. I think that's enough of buttons for the time being, being as bloodied as they are.
Our Journey With Bernie
I did my due diligence with this one, and could only find the picture itself, absent the usual blurb from Bernie on the reverse, which is only a limited loss as he tends to ramble on about how he did it, with a wash and inks and Boston board et al, instead of what he's portraying. Number #39 "Free Fall". Art?
Ah, one of those sci-fi imaginings where they still use edged weapons despite having particle beam guns that can hit a fly in the eye a thousand kilometres away. "But the romance!" quibbled Berni. Be quiet, Bernie.
"BRZRKR" By Keanu Reeves, Amongst Others
It's a comic book, in case you've been sharing living space with Luther Hargreeves on the Moon for the past 4 years. Conrad got the final 3rd trade paperback yesteryon and finished it the same day. It has the trademark OTT violence, and a whole lot of mysticism, and a surreal ending. Art!
One is Keanu, the other is Unute. I don't need to tell you which, do I?
By all accounts it's been a critical and commercial success, to such an extent that Netflix was talking about turning it into both a film and animé series. Don't expect anything real quick, the comics only ended in October 2023, and if the film does get made, who do you think will be starring in it?
NO! Not Danny De Vito. Keanu Reeves. If they were looking to cast Mayor John Amalfi from James Blish's 'Cities In Flight' then Ol' Dan would be an excellent choice. But not Unute. Sorry, Dan.
ANYWAY if Keanu will be starring then they'll have to engage him whilst he's not starring in any other films. I wonder - will Chad Stahelski get to helm this one? Art!
Conrad Would Be Safe, Then
Forgetting for a moment that Your Humble Scribe is 63 years old with bad eyesight, benumbed feet and overworked kidneys and liver (3 pots of tea per day will do that), one reason he'd not get drafted for what we used to call "National Service" in the UK is his weight. Art!
Matey still got a one-year suspended sentence, so if he commits any other crimes it's off to pokey. I wonder - if you consumed a gallon of stew before your health check would that throw the scales off? before you were severely ill, gobbing eight pints of semi-liquid food cannot be good for you.
Can Conrad be ANGRY Again?
I can? Thank you so much! This is where another button of blood is invoked, as I vapourise the treacherous ganterpies who befoul my Codewords with their foreign words or entries from the current literature of sixteen thirty-eight, thanks to the Remote Nuclear Detonator.
CHI: Ah now, this is a tricky one, because there's no guide about how to pronounce it. You are doubtless thinking about the Chinese word CHI, which is pronounced "Chee", and means a rather woolly kind of bodily energy, as in TAI CHI. Conrad, on the other hand, is thinking along the lines of the Greek CHI, which is pronounced "Khi", and is the 22nd letter of the Greek alphabet. Art!
Compromising with Chi Chi
JAPONICA: Conrad has a vague understanding of this being a plant. Possibly a flowering one. Maybe even from Japan. Or not. Let me consult my Collins.
Ah. "A.k.a. the 'Japanese Quince', a Japanese shrub grown for it's red flowers and yellow fruit." Art?
WHAT ARE WE ALL BOTANISTS NOW!
COZENAGE: I have no idea. Let me look it up whilst I quietly seethe. No, make that 'let me look it up whilst I SEETHE LOUDLY".
It's the noun derived from the veb COZEN meaning 'to trick or cheat'. Well, how wincingly citricly ironic, because that's just what it did. Art!
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| The RMD will be getting a workout later on. |
Finally -
Twitter user "Warrensbuffet" posted earlier this afternoon that the 'Forex' markets open to publish data at about 22:00 this evening, a Tweet to which he added a bucket of popcorn emoji. I knew exactly what he was thinking, the rascal, and it's to do with a certain currency that's value has been heading for the sewers for this past week. I will update you on this tomorrow if it pans out.
Tee hee!
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