Numb And Number

NO! This Is Not A Typo Nor About That Film

You ought to realise that Conrad and the English language are old acquaintances by now, and if I type out a word or phrase <bites tongue to avoid using pseud term 'aphorism'> then that is what I meant to type out.  Since we have broached the subject of that film anyway, I don't see any harm in using a picture from it.  Art!

     They made a sequel.  No idea why, you don't mess with perfection.  No, that's not true, I do have an idea why, it's because "Dumb And Dumber" made $247 million at the global box office on a budget of only $17 million, and if th

     ANYWAY that's not what we're on about here.  We are, instead <checks notes> looking at what makes you numb to pain, which is -

     Anaesthetic gas.  This is our horribly contrived way of insinuating that today's Intro is about both gas, one of the four states of matter, and numbers, which begin with 0 and end in 9.  Art!

A film about everyone over 25 dying, directed by a 44-year old

     Thanks go out to both "Joe Blogs" and "Silicon Curtain" for the subject matter, which I will try to leaven with inappropriate humour, mockery and satire, as reading of revenue statistics is not thrilling stuff.  Art!

No, not "RA3NPOM".  "GAZPROM"

     Guess who owns a 50% share in Gazprom?  NO!  Not Lord Lucan.  The Ruffian state, that's who.  Selling Ruffian gas used to be a doddle, because unlike oil it doesn't need to be refined in order to be used, so the unit cost of production is less.  Plus, Ruffia had front-loaded their expenditure on gas infrastructure, which meant they could then sit back and let the profits roll in.  Art!

Pipeline infrastructure

     Gazprom, not reading the room, failed to invest in any liquefication technology, because it's expensive, takes time to create and what could possibly go wrong with their business model?

     Ooops.  

     in 2022 the Big Gee made $16 billion in profits, so the Ruffian state gets $8 billion of that, and, in a double whammy, they also take $1.6 billion in taxes.  

     SMO HAD ENTERED THE CHAT.

     In 2023 the Not-So-Big-Anymore Gee makes a loss of $7 billion, thus no profits or tax windfall.  Art!

     Gargoyle-features had thought that he could use gas supply as a weapon and blackmail Europe into doing what he wanted.  Sadly for him, his 3D Tiddlywinks skills were not up to the task; 26 countries co-operated to cause the price of Liquefied Natural Gas to plummet, and then supplied LNG to Europe, and his 'pivot' to sell gas to India and China was a colossal failure because there's only a single small-capacity pipeline to China and none to India.  It would take years to construct a new pipeline to either nation, and it would costs tens of billions that Modern-day Mordor does not have.  China flatly refused to pay for any of it at all.  Art!

     Things are worse than they look, because Ruffia does it's accounts-fiddling in December, where any annual deficit is magnified by the way they variously braise, casserole, broil and otherwise cook the books.  Remember that $7 billion loss in 2023 (see above)?  In that year, for Q1 to Q3 the Big-at-the-time Gee had made a profit of $5 billion.  So in Q4 that had plummeted by $12 billion.  The word 'Oooops' keeps cropping up here, doesn't it?

     So far for Q1 - Q3 in 2024, instead of a $5 billion profit, the Quite-small-now Gee has made a loss of $3.2 billion.  IF - and it's an 'IF' in neon letters six feet tall - they only (!) make a similar loss to 2023, that will still total over $15 billion in losses.  Art!

     That there is a Ruffian gas plant burning off their gas instead of exporting it to Europe, because if they shut down the gas wells, they very probably won't be able to get them started again, and this is how up to 88% of Ruffia's gas is being used.  

     So, to sum up, there is a very large market for gas, especially LNG, it's just that nobody wants to purchase it from Ruffia.  Weep me some salty vatnik tears, Dimya.

Conrad Is ANGRY!

Yes yes yes, it's those Dog Bins! Codeword solutions again.  NO! this is not a tempest in a thimble, it's a symptom of the moral decay that's gnawing at the heart of the country, or - no, hang on, that was a The The lyric, wasn't it?  Apologies, the party going on in my head makes it difficult at times.

     Please allow me to illustrate my grievance.

HAUTBOYS: 'Haute' is French for 'High' so is this to do with pilots in the M8 air force?

     No.  No, it is not.  Checking my faithful Collins Concise Dictionary, it is either a large strawberry (!) or an oboe, from the French 'Haute' for 'High' as I guessed already, and 'Bois' for 'Wood'.  Conrad unsure where the 'high' comes in when talking about oboes as they have the lowest and most sinister of all musical instruments.  Art!

PANGRAM: You what?  This is so obscure it's not even in my CCD.  You see?  You see?  This is the kind of wilful obscurantism I have to endure <rabidly mashes Remote Nuclear Detonator several times>.  Conrad had to resort to teh Interwebz.  Art!

     It's every letter of the alphabet used in a single sentence, trying to aim for 26 letters total.  The one above uses 35.  Go on, admit it, you'd never heard of a PANGRAM either.

CODEX: I just bet this one's derived from Latin <hack spit>.  Let me check.  Aha.  "A volume of manuscripts of an ancient text".  Yes, derived from the Latin <spit hack> for 'Tree trunk'.  Art!

I deserve a codexplanation for this

     Conrad is pretty sure he's read this word in one of M. R. James ghost stories, which date back over a hundred years, which is how WILFULLY OBSCURE this word is.  Thank you, that is all.

Up In The Clouds

Another couple of still from that Imperial War Museum film of the British army in Italy, up on the Asiago plateau to judge from the heights and terrain involved.  Art!

     You can tell this isn't the Western Front - no sandbags, for one thing.  No revetments or duckboards, and the officer is nonchalantly peering over the parapet with a pair of binoculars.  In a Flanders trench this would be an invitation to get sniped dead.  Note the fixed sword-bayonets, and the number of men gathered in this trench implies they're either waiting to make an assault, or they're on stand-to to deter the Austrians.  I think the former, as stand-to tended to be at dawn and dusk, and you don't see any lengthening shadows here.  Art!

     This is one of the British rear-areas, on the reverse slope of a hill or mountain, since there are no trenches.  Once again, not on the Western Front as there are many trees, all intact, and that small insert shows three British soldiers hiking up the hillside with stout sticks, out in the open and not taking cover.  Note that an attempt has been made to cut down at least a few of the countless trees.

Chop Chop Chop

Yesteryon's slicing, rather than chopping, machinery was eminently safe, with care taken in it's design.  Todays is - rather less so.  Art!

     It's driven from a power train on the tractor and is proudly and unashamedly completely free from protective guides, screens or other such namby-pamby accoutrements.  Art!

     Thanks to that very same lack of guides or cover, the disintegrated branches are thrown all over the place, which makes eye protection a good idea.  Should there be a snagging incident, the solo operator is doomed as the controls to shut the motor off are at the front of the cab.

"I've Never Seen Anyone Paint A Target On Their Back Before!"

My Tweet on Twitter (Ha! Take that Elong Tusk!) with the line above has proven popular.  The object of my derision is the chap below.  Art!

"RIA NOVOSTI"

     He popped up at a press conference in Barad-Duh, claiming to have been spying for Muscovy for two and a half years whilst in Ukraine, and was now going to ask for Ruffian citizenship.  As I also mocked, the SBU (Ukrainian intelligence) probably has a sweepstake on how long he'll last, because as a South Canadian in the land of orcs, he's already in peril.

     Another Tweeter cynically wondered what sex crimes he was fleeing from in South Canada - which may be a wicked slander, except South Canadians fleeing to Ruffia after being charged with ghastly sexual offences does have a significant Venn diagram overlap.

Finally -

Do I still have that two-pound loaf tin?