For When "Down The Rabbit Hole" Just Won't Do
Surprisingly enough there is no entry in my "Brewer's" about this, under either "Down", "Rabbit" or "Hole". In case you were wondering, and even if you weren't, it comes from "Alice In Wonderland", when she makes the colossal mistake of following the White Rabbit down a hole, because that way lies madness, or at least a touch of mental discombobulation. Art!
CAUTION! Microgravity environment
Should you have been reading BOOJUM! since 2022 then you will be aware that Your Humble Scribe has more than a passing interest in the history, culture and especially the cooking of Korea, because one of my basic philosophical questions about life and everything is "What does it taste like?" We recently ventured to discuss, illustrate and do a taste-test on "Choco-Pies", the legendary Sork confectionery that is so, so illegal in Norkland. Art!
The competition for Lotte's CPs
The Norks have their own, grossly inferior knock-off version which is made by Nazis out of spit and twigs* typical of their envious culture, and here we come to the meat of the matter in this missive. Art!
This is "Bulgasari", a Sork film from 1962, when the country was still quite poor and the studio responsible was looking to make book with ₩₩₩ (Won - Sork currency), so the grossly inferior knock-off version can be laid at the feet of the Sorks. One doubts if the Norks had a functional ciné camera in all the land at the time. Obviously, one of the templates for "Bulgasari" was "Godzilla", even if a Bulgasaurus is a creature from Korean folklore. Art!
There are few stills from this film because it seems to have been completely discarded after not being terribly successful, and no print exists of it on celluloid. For historical reasons the Sorks regard this with a touch of sorrow, as it was their first kaiju ( or 해주)film, and the first to use special effects. Obviously at the base of a learning-curve there. All hope is not lost, however (my favourite word on the blog!) because "Doctor Who" episodes kept on turning up decades after they were thought lost for good. Art!
Meet "Pulgasari", where the "P" is important, because this film is from 1985. No, it's not a Sork film; it was made in Norkland, by a Sork film director that Nork dictator Kim Jong Il had kidnapped, along with his wife, in 1978, to make films in Norkland. No, I'm not making this up and yes, I am completely sober. Art!
Director Shin Sang-Ok
The reason that poster is in Japanese not Hangul is because they were funding P, along with The Populous Dictatorship. Art!
Kim Jong looking a bit Ill
Okay, remember that Shin and his wife had been kidnapped, and they endured imprisonment for eight years, until they managed to escape and request asylum in South Canada in 1986. This, of course - obviously! - went down like a thallium enema with Jong Il, who promptly banned "Pulgasari" despite having spent the equivalent of $3 million on it, making it the Norks' most expensive film evah.
You can't keep a good man down, and even a bad man takes a bit of pressure to keep under, and so it was with big P. It came out on video in Japan in 1995, later getting an official cinema release, and was a howling success. Despite Jongy and his Frothing Sulphuric Ire, it has become the most widely-seen Nork film evah, attaining cult status.
As for why it was 'Pulgasari' and not 'Bulgasari', that may be down to simple differentiation, or then again it may be a translation artefact, as with "G" and "J" in translations from Hangul to English. Art!
Native Pulgasari in the wild
We may come back to this creature of folklore, it has an interesting tale behind it**.
South Canadians Love Their Guns
Even unto allowing their children to play with miniature ordnance that would be looked at with extreme suspicion elsewhere. Art!
Looking at this, Conrad's first impression is "What could possibly go wrong?" because allowing your children to play with small cannons is - well, pretty bonkers, really. The proviso here is that the 'cannonballs' supplied were made of plastic, though our video presenter neglects to state if they were hollow or solid; Conrad suspects solid or they'd not be propelled very far or with much impact when they hit whatever they were aimed at (or which they ricocheted at). Art!
The South will not rise again if the OSHA has anything to do with it. The cannon could fire it's ammunition 35 feet, which implies it could give a smarting injury if the range was but a fraction of that. There are no horror stories associated with this product, but it's eulogy to the Confederacy might have had something to do with it going out of production in the late Sixties. For those unaware, "Johnny Reb" was the blanket epithet used by the Union army against their foes.
I suppose we ought to be grateful that it was only spring-loaded rather than using 'Gen-yoo-ine Black Powder!". How much do you want to bet that Little Limbs Of Mischief (a.k.a. young boys) went a-searching for steel balls that would fit down the barrel?
Conrad Is ANGRY!
I know, I know, it doesn't take much. This time you can feel my pain, as I waited in vain, once again. Yes, we are talking Fir - excuse me, "Bee Network" buses once again. As in "Wouldn't it bee nice if they turned up on time?"
After yesteryon's thirty minute wait for a 409 bus due 'every 9 minutes' WHICH IS A BIG FAT LIE Conrad was waiting for another 409 into Ur-On-The-Roche ('Rochdale' if we're being formal). Art!
What's missing? THE DOG BUNS BUS! It turned up over 10 minutes late, and whilst waiting five 409's went past on their way to Ashton. I tell you, when I take over there are going to be a lot of Bee Network managers toiling in the uranium mines, before they get rendered down for the organ banks.
"The War Illustrated Edition 198 19th January 1945"
You may have noticed a lack of Ruffian or Sinister photographs or articles in these reports I run about this publication, which is deliberate, because I'm not going to promote the Sinisters or the Sinister Union 1.0 in revenge. Ha! Art?
A reminder that there was another Front in Europe that wasn't the North-West or That Other Front, which always played second fiddle to the Allied forces in NW Europe and had done since D-Day. In the first picture at top port, you see General McCreery having a natter with some sappers undertaking demolition work, and in the background is a Sherman mounting a dozer blade, hence probably the property of said sappers. To starboard is a Jeep bogged-down on the road thanks to the truly awful weather in Italy at this time of year; it will have needed either winching or towing out. A mule would have managed this terrain without problems but there was a shortage of mule trains (which were frequently Italian Co-Belligerent Forces mule trains).
Below that is a picture of Kiwi infantry entering Faenza, no doubt picking up any rubbish they created and closing any doors used to storm enemy-held buildings. At bottom are some of the equipments that the Teutons liked least of all: self-propelled 25-pounder artillery pieces, giving the good news to distant recipients. You can tell they're 25-pounders thanks to the muzzle-brake.
Conrad Being Mischievous
When am I not? Art!
Absolutely true, except I clipped out the relevant parts of the sentence, so you may be sucking your teeth and tutting furiously, shaking your head and saying "In my day, you know - "
Cool your jets. Unedited Art!
The lucky minors won a competition to press the Big Red Button that would trigger the explosive charges, felling this block of flats ("apartments" to our South Canadian cousins). Which is pretty cool. Dunno if you can include it on your CV, though. Art!
Miniature mayhem-makers amass!
Finally -
Conrad has broken his Drinking Duck of 60 days, For Your Information, and is now sipping delicately on a can of Old Speckled Hen. Or as delicately as his giant sausage fingers can manage.
* Stolen from Eddie Izzard.
** Credit me with not stooping to low punnery.
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