Yes, We Are Back On Youtube's Tales Of Terminally Toxic Toads
In human form. I put 'toads' because the other word is a vulgarism that we couldn't possibly use on the blog, as we're still holding the moral high ground with SFW status.
There is another vulgar acronym that I want to use here, which is F.A.F.O. standing for "Fudge Around & Find Out", meaning that people who indulge in stupid behaviour get to suffer the horrendous consequences of their actions. I will use an example of the complete opposite as the filling here. Art!
These are supposedly very expensive wedding and engagement rings, which Conrad will have to accept at face value, because to him jewellery is bits of glass set in metal, where silver might as well be steel and gold looks like silver with a suntan. Let us say that their collective value comes to $10,000. Now, to set the scene, Outraged Wifey (OW from herein) and her Dipstick Husband (DH from herein) were out on the ocean (not specified as to Atlantic or Pacific) in their boat, so they obviously have a few pennies to rub together. Art!
OW mentioned as a preface that DH thinks of himself as a comedian and is always saying stupid things. This morning he took it to another level, whether higher or lower depends on your perspective. In the middle of a perfectly normal conversation he became abjectly sorrowful and haltingly informed OW that he'd had an affair and could she ever forgive him? Art!
Depths in the Gulf Of Mexico
Not only did OW not forgive DH, she stood up in a towering fury, pulled all the rings from her fingers and hurled them into the abyssal deeps. I've put the Gulf Of Mexico up as an example of how deep those waters can be.
Those rings were gone, baby, gone.
DH then begins shouting abuse at OW, because - get this! - it was a 'prank' and he was joking and how dare she not have a sense of humour and it was all her fault and those rings were expensive -
Nobody in the Comments backed the husband and indeed most of them recommended divorce, as he seems to be escalating to abusive behaviour. One has to wonder what was going through his peanut-sized brain that he ever thought doing this would be a good idea. He's lucky he made it back to shore alive. Art - show us that sandwich filling!
Yes, this is a still from a video clip of a dog playing an electric home organ. To be honest, the noise it makes is quite awfully discordant and not pleasant at all, but come on! a dog playing the organ? That's quite impressive. Art!
Not all dogs want to go walkies, especially if it's wet and cold and windy. This corgi is not only a homebody, but crafty with it, too. When the owner comes to take it outside - Art!
Both these 'dumb' animals exhibit more wit and intellect than DH above, and Gullible Witless Idiot below.
As proof that women can be as stupid as men, just in different ways, allow me to introduce GWI, who claimed that her 'friends' - I use quotes here advisedly - told her they had all 'pranked' their husbands and partners by surprising them with a demand for divorce. This had the beneficial result of having said male partners becoming O so attentive and affectionate and giving gifts, or so claimed the 'friends'. Art!
They pestered GWI to play this hilarious prank on her hubbo, and because she was weak-willed, she caved and informed her partner at dinner, entirely at random, that she wasn't happy and wanted a divorce.
THIS IS AN EXTREMELY BAD IDEA AS MEN TAKE THINGS LITERALLY!
Her husband stared at her in disbelieving silence for several seconds. You can guess where this is going, can't you?
Then he went to their bedroom, packed a suitcase and left, whilst GWI was braying about how it was a 'joke' and "See! See! My friends messaged me about it!" showing her phone screen.
She subsequently tried to contact hubbo by messages, e-mails, chats, video calls, a visit to his workplace and pestering his family. Nil results. Art!
Her soon-to-be-ex-husband prolonged the prank by having her served with real divorce papers, which rather sank the advice of her 'friends' group, which was to hang around and wait until he got over it.
Conrad bets the kicker is that none of her 'friends' had actually done this 'prank' and were just egging GWI on, as she was the poster child for 'Gullible'.
Perhaps DH and GWi will find each other in the near future, get married and save another pair of partners from having to endure their behaviour. Art!
Do You Have A Tourniquet For That?
Or, Deadly Dodgy Wood Choppers Part the Second. Art!
Here you can see two levels of Dangerous come into play. First of all, there's all that exposed machinery connecting the tractor to the wood chopper, with no protection, lots of moving parts just itching to cause mayhem thanks to the uneven ground. Then matey has to stick (no pun intended) the branch into the cutting arc by standing right next to it, again liable to any stumbling, tripping, sliding or snagging. The previous model of rotary cutter had the tree introduced from behind the cutting arc, making it far, far safer. I can't see any way to Emergency Stop this chop, unless you have to get back into the cab and kill the engine. Er - that is - stop the engine.
"The War Illustrated Edition 197 5th January 1944"
I think the next photographs from Europe deal with Holland, after briefly focussing on Yugoslavia, where Tito's Partisans were busy liberating their own country before the Red Army arrived to 'help'. Art!
Or perhaps not
Yes, that is spelled correctly. Note the difference between tropical dress and that of Europe, principally the slouch hat used in lieu of a helmet, because it was lighter, cooler and more versatile. Wearing a steel helmet in tropical heat will probably give you heatstroke. Also, note that only one man has his shirt sleeves rolled down, which means he's not going to get bitten by mosquitoes.
That chap not wearing anything above the waist isn't Welch, either, as he's wearing a Scottish tam-o-shanter, so either from the Royal Scots Fusiliers or the Cameronians. You're welcome.
Whilst The Lion Kips, The Coincidence Hydra Nips
Conrad fears naught because his heart is pure nethers are protected by armoured underwear, Hah! chew on that, Hydra!
To what am I referring? Art!
We mentioned this a few weeks back, remember? The London theatre named after the architect Palladio, which venue is never named in the media, except today it was. No, I don't know, nor care, who Hanah Gadfly is.
AFTER You Have Chopped Your Wood -
Presuming you have all your limbs and digits intact, why not make a bonfire out of it, especially at this time of year when it's so very very topical. Art!
Don't forget to carelessly splash petrol over it by throwing instead of pouring from a container with a spout, because health and safety is for jessies. Art!
Ensure you get dangerously close to the petrol-soaked wood and light with a match instead of a spill, taper or lit ball of rags, because adrenaline. Art!
One-fifth of a second later. Art!
At one half-second. Art!
Just past the one second mark. Art!
Nine seconds later. As a Commenter on Youtube commented, rather like the opening scene of "Apocalypse Now".
Finally -
Stay safe!
