Trial By Tyre

No! I Am Not Referring To The Phoenician Colony City On The Lebanese Coast

Although I think we have covered the epic siege carried out by Alexander Meglos against it, which is a fascinating account of technique and counter-technique, and also an illustration that, when Alexander the Great set his sights on a thing, then he got it.  Art!

Ol' Alex having a hot time of it

     Art!

Before

After

     As you can see, Ol' Alex and his determined hoplites changed the geography to the extent that Tyre has long ceased to be an island.  One of t

     ANYWAY that's not what this Intro is about, because since when have we ever been straightforward and logical?

     No, this Intro is a torrid saga with all the emotions that the human heart can bear, plus a few it can't, for YES! we are talking about Dog Buns First Bus again.

     Conrad hates the organisation with a passion, yet he cannot deny that it provides much raw material for the blog.  Art!

CAUTION!  For comparative purposes only

     Ignore the number!  Ignore the number!

     For what happened this morning?  Well, I had caught the 84, and as it came to this bus stop, why, what was there but the previous 84, with it's flashers going.

     It had broken down.  In approximately the same position as the 409 pictured above.  Great!  Apparently First Bus take their maintenance routines directly from the pages of the Ruffian army.  So there was a mob of passengers waiting to get on, meaning a delay.     I know what you're thinking, "Tyre" singular.  I could have used "Tyres", which would then have been misconstrued by those of you good at leaping - indeed Fosbury Flopping - to assumptions.  Art!

     Of course - obviously! - this mechanical mishap didn't stop there, it had ripples, because all the passengers that would have taken the now-defunct 84 were still lurking at bus stops, the swine.  Art!

At the bus stop outside Housing Units

    Given that the rest of First Bus's fleet seemed to have vanished more mysteriously than the Ninth Legion, passengers continued to accumulate as we progressed towards the centre of Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell.  Full upstairs, full downstairs, standing room only and with a couple of prams to really fill out the fulness factor.  Art!

Bus stop at Failsworth Pole

     By which point Bussy Driver realised he can't fit any more people on his chariot, so he proceeds to whiz past the bus stops with anxious or angry passengers waiting.  Conrad is a tad ambivalent about this; if it was him being deserted at the bus stop I would be frothing with Righteous Rancour; as it is, he has a schedule to keep and a start time of 09:00, so it was Point And Laugh time.

     Getting off at the top end of Oldham Street, a lady who had gotten off with me struck up a conversation, exclaiming bitterly at the number of "Sorry Not In Service" First Buses that had gone sailing by her at the bus stop.  Well, they probably had breakfast waiting, and passenger service cannot hold a candle to a bacon barm with brown sauce.  Art!

     This afternoon Conrad indulged himself with a tram back to Oldham, saving him 45 minutes as opposed to yesteryon.  I am currently typing this at 21:03, which would otherwise be 21:48 if we'd been using FB.

When The Ruffian Economy Miraculously Bounced Back -

And then Peter The Average woke up and it was all a dream.

     Let me finish the economic analysis that Youtube stalwart Joe Blogs conducted on the Ruffian Ministry of Finance's own figures - their own data, not Western  guesstimates or extrapolations.  Art!

"It's all going according to plan!" insisted Dmitry The Pest

DEFICIT: In Q1 of 2022 the Ruffian economy had a surplus of $14 billion.  In Q1 of 2023 the Ruffian economy had a deficit of $29.3 billion, so an almost $ 40 billion change in the deficit.

     The projected annual deficit for 2023 was only $36 billion, so in the first quarter the Ruffians have achieved 83% of their annual total.  Well done! how splendidly according-to-plan that is.

     Then there was the National Wealth Fund, which did stand at $150 billion in 2022.  However - a word you knew was coming - the NWF was used to offset the 2022 deficit of $48 billion, leaving only $77 billion remaining.  Art!

     One solution, which will definitely be resorted to, is simply printing more money.  This will drive up inflation, which already stands at 11%, which would cripple the spending power of pensioners and those on a low wage, but they don't matter anyway and can be safely left to die in poverty.  As the Kremlin is probably calculating.

You What?

Occasionally an internet image catches my attention because it's so odd.  As today.  Art!

     You're probably as puzzled as I am.  Let me check the item in a little more depth.

     Hmmm no enlightenment there.  Unless it was placed there by a crane - not a piece of kit that car thieves often carry around with them - Conrad can only think that it was driven excessively fast, hit an obstacle, went airborne and fell atop the drum, causing the miscreants inside to flee.

"The Sea Of Sand"

Sarah, in a fit of pique, has probably broken several of the Laws Of Time as established on Gallifrey, by divulging that America will join the Allies later in 1941.

‘America?  America is a neutral country!’  Doretti nodded vehemently, aware that he had at least a dozen cousins living abroad in the United States.

          ‘Only until December the Seventh.  During – oh, what is the name now?  Operation Scimitar – no – Operation Saracen – ah! I remember!  Operation Crusader.’

          Doretti and the Tenente exchanged glances.  Doretti felt their other-worldly helper was going slowly mad.  Dominione wondered which of them was going mad, because if it wasn’t the Dottore then it had to be him.

          ‘What about me!’ whined Templeman, standing up in righteous indignation, and once again nudging Sarah.  The Italian officer looked coldly at the professor.

          ‘You, sir, are a non-combatant.  I will guarantee that you are repatriated via the Red Cross.  My word as an officer.’

          ‘Can I have that in writing?’ asked the Professor, a sly look in his eyes.

          ‘Yes!’ snapped the officer.

          Having said that, Dominione looked back for Miss Smith and Doctor Smith.

          They were both gone.

          Not only that, the big wooden box strapped to the rear of the car began to groan and moan, gradually becoming transparent, then vanishing completely.

          The Professor, Dominione and Doretti exchanged looks, not really understanding what they’d seen. 

          ‘Yes.  Well.  Would either of you care for a cup of tea?’ asked Templeman.

     We're not done yet, there's a couple of codas to come.

I Did Well On Quora!

There needs to be a bit of trumpet-blowing here, so let me add-in an article I wrote a few weeks back.

Adult

 In what war were the strangest weapons used?

Rob Connolly

Former HR at Sainsbury's (supermarket chain) (2017–2022)Apr 19

I would like to nominate the West Spring Gun of early WW1, a type of catapult invented by Captain West. It was intended to hurl a bomb or grenade into enemy trenches, being powered by 24 mighty springs, and with a throwing arm that required three men to fully depress it.

In action it needed to be weighted down with sandbags to keep it stable, and it was just as dangerous to the users as to the Germans. Operators often lost fingers to the mechanism, or had their jaw smashed. The bomb/hand grenade delivery was also fitful, and might well drop the missile at the feet of the crew, or hit the trench wall and bounce back at the feet of the crew.

It wasn’t in service for very long, for which those it was issued to were truly grateful.

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     It appears to have been an eye-opener of an article.  Coming soon - the Leach Trench Catapult!

Finally -

It's been a bit of a blur - got home, did the weekly shop, put it all away (that way nobody else knows what there is), got tomorrow's lunch ready, made a fairly substantial tea and then crafted the blog, all before 22:00.

     Go Conrad.